Old Friends

Do you ever have those days where you see someone well, "someone that you used to know", they used to be one of your best friends at a time in your life. Or they were someone you had a huge crush on, or just something. You were close a long time ago, and now you either don't talk or it's never in depth.

I hate thinking about these things because I'm always the one that feels guilty and sad. I feel like it was my fault. I feel like I did something, and that made them not want to be my friend anymore.

One of the worst things is when this happens yet the other person doesn't acknowledge that things are different. I have a friend. We used to talk almost every day. During school in between classes we'd pass each other notes. And the thing I enjoyed was summer, because we never really saw each other but because we talked so much that summers were the times when we'd get closer. I love that girl.

And we'd text often. And now we rarely ever talk. And when we do it's always "oh how are you?", "did you watch this one show?" "yes!" "have you heard that one band's new song?" and so on.

Friendships are a two way thing. And I would tell her things if there really were things to share. But very rarely do I have things to share, so I don't. And even when there is because we don't talk often enough anymore it'd be awkward to drag her down with my stuff.

And she doesn't tell me things anymore. I'm not even sure how or when or why our friendship seemed to shrink and it makes me sad. Because as much as I pretend that things are alright, I'm scared that one day we'll just stop talking.

And this was someone that I imagined in my life for well ever. But now with everything changing, I'm sure one day our friendship will cease. I don't want it to. And I would gladly fight for it. But when we don't even bring up the issue, the issue won't be solved any time soon.

I'm not gonna lie but I started going through her Facebook and Twitter, not in a creepy way, but I came across it by accident. Like I didn't even know she had a twitter till today. And as I was reading stuff I saw how much she's changed, and how much she hasn't, and how if it had been at another point in our lives I'd be there with her discussing these things, I'd be in the know of her inside jokes.

So by the end of this day, I'm left feeling like maybe I'm just not good enough to have someone want and more importantly try to stay friends with me.