Short Month

Yes I've noticed a reoccurring theme between long and short. But why is February short?

28 days, 29 every four years. Why?

I remember when I was a little kid I wrote a short story where the months were all people. And I explained why February was hated. It was a pretty lame story, and it was around the time that I learned what personifying was.

I also remember making a short story where the Holidays were people.

There's that word short again. Sorry. I'm in a weird mood. I'm fine, just tired. And I wanna get caught up with my posts.

This past weekend I finished two books. And I don't know if I've mentioned it, but my goal is to read at least one book per month. So I am all caught up. Because I didn't finish any in Jan. But I've finished two now. And I'm going to keep reading and doing school work and homework, and looking for a job. I will be a balanced Mexican.

And I looked up the reason as to why February is short.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/February#History

Look it up peeps! Be edumacated!

But who's to say if that's really the reason. It supposedly has to do with Roman calendar and all that.

Amen.

 

Long Weeks

For some reason this week has seemed extremely long. On Tuesday I was ready to throw my white flag. I want it to be the weekend. It's not that it's been a bad week. It's been a good week. But it's just been soo long. Maybe it was because it was a short week last week. But it's been too long.

Time seems to go by slow. And I find myself bored. I want the weekend. Can't say that enough. It's not even that I'm going to do something fun. I just want to rest, and sleep and read and what not.

Tuesday wasn't a bad day. It was a good one. I got to hang out with multiple friends. And I had a somewhat late lunch early dinner with some of them. All was a success.

And I found out I got a B on my Anthro test! The one I started studying for an hour before! Woohoo!!

I like college, but some aspects of it I still need to get used to.


I think I'm satisfied with my life right now. And that makes me happy. It's all good.

Sorry for the short entry. But hey. There will be those days. This has been a week where I don't want to do things that I have to do.

This is very fitting since this post was for Tuesday!

Long Days

Mondays are my long days. And I dislike it. I wake up at 6:30, get to school at 7:30 am and get home like at 7:30 pm. It's a pain in the neck, butt, legs, feet, whatever. It sucks. The only good thing is how I get to see friends and that makes it somewhat better. I also have some time to write and I enjoy that.

My Mondays in a nutshell.

6:00 am: start waking up but I close my eyes to avoid it.
6:30 am: I wake up and go take a shower.
7:23 am: I get to school. Yes I know exactly what time I get to school and it's almost always at 23 give or take a few minutes every once in a while.
7:30-9:40 am: I write, listen to music, finish hw, talk to friends, and eventually start walking to class.
10:00-10:50 am: English 102. I have made three somewhat acquaintances, two of which I sit in between, and we are all left handed. Not bad world, not bad. People who understand me! And the teacher, she's pretty cool. She makes it interesting.
10:50-10:58-9 am: I haul ass to my next class.
11:00-11:50 am: I enter French class out of breath, wait five minutes to catch my breath and talk to my friends in there. They were in my French class last semester as well. All is well, it's easy and I'm a star in there! Not to toot my own horn or anything but 'toot toot!' There is rarely ever something I can't answer and my Professor calls on my multiple times every time we have class.
11:50-12:00: Walk to the hang out spot, wait for friends.
12:00-12:45: Eat, pig out, gossip, talk shit, talk about everything and anything. Enjoy the times with friends. Then proceed to walk to class.
1:00-1:50 pm: Math, ahhh where I have no one. There is a girl who went to the same elementary school as me, and we occasionally talk. But otherwise mum's the word. Although I know the teacher and he's nice and cool.
1:50-3:45 pm: I go up to the third floor of the library, I try to find a place away from people. I sit down, plug in my laptop, and I'll work on homework if I'm feeling like a good student. If not, I sit down and write, either the blog, or these past couple of weeks it's been a story that I'm working on. More on that later.
4:00-6:45 pm: English 266. Which was supposed to be a Popular Literature class and it ended up being a Film Narrative. Yes I'm complaining about watching films, simply because I was lied to. I signed up for the class so I could read. But nope. Not happening. Oh well. It's still awesome. We watched Amélie on Monday. Yay for French films! And I have a really good friend in there. So a huge plus.
7:30ish: Get home. Do homework, eat, write, whatever. But I love going to bed because I'm exhausted and I  have a good night's sleep.

The end.

My campus's library, the one where I spend my time. Love that building.

Fifty Shades of G.

Sunday. Sunday Feb 24th 2013 was the day I finished Fifty Shades of Grey. I have read it. Now I can talk all the shiz I want about it.

Bit of background knowledge in case you didn't know. It was originally a Twilight fanfiction. And if you've read Twilight and read this book, it is very, very obvious how much it was a fanfiction. The characters of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey are essentially Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen. Her name even gets shortened to "Ana" ala "Bella".

Let's see. A pale brunette, clumsy 'innocent' girl falls for this cold, pale drop dead handsome man. Sound familiar? There were a couple of scenes that felt like a direct copy of Twilight, just with different diction and context.

Guy warns her that's he's bad for her but can't stay away. She's captivated by him even though he's bad for her. She wants him, he wants her. They do it. A lot. A lot, a lot. She asks him if he's noticed how he "dazzles" people. Sound familiar?

She has a best female friend, which I liked the character because she didn't feel like a Twilight copy. And she has a best guy friend who's got brown skin named Jose, and who loves her and wants her. Although there is no love triangle in this story because she is Team Grey all the way! Yay! (That was sarcasm).

Her mom is remarried, and is very out there and does many different hobbies yet never finishes them. This was like literally almost word for word a description of Bella's mom. She has a dad (in this case a step dad, although not the man her mother is currently married too, yeah I know confusing). But she calls him by his first name.

She worked in a hardware store where she really has no place working there because she doesn't do that stuff. Just like Bella working at an outdoor store dealing with all things camping and such. What a coinky dink!?

It takes place in Seattle. Like the same fricken state really?

Once you get passed that you move onto the whole BDSM storyline plot. Something I can't understand why someone would get turned on by spanking among other things the person they're making 'love' to. Or as it's put in the book. They f**k. Hard. And I don't know how someone would be turned on by being humiliated that way and being a submissive.

Without ruining the overall plot she finds out he's into that stuff and wants her to be his 'submissive' but she has to sign a contract and agree to all sorts of ridiculous things like she can only eat foods from a list he gives her. Has to work out a certain number of hours a week, can only wear clothes he buys her, and that's not even getting into the sexual things they have to do.

And she takes up the whole book to decide whether she wants to do this or not. Naturally she falls for him. And he falls for her (although he doesn't ever admit it, at least in the first book, I'm sure later on he does).

But he wants her to be an obedient submissive. She wants him to be the loving perfect boyfriend. And well they both want and expect different things.

It honestly starts to get somewhat interesting towards the end because something big is happening. He's preoccupied with something even with everything that's going on between him and Ana. And in the second half of the book he would provide brief, vague reasons as to why he is the way he is.

But we don't get a complete explanation. And I know that was to set it up for the sequels. So you have it end on somewhat of a cliffhanger. It in my opinion was not a very good cliffhanger because in a way it ends things and yet you know that it 'ends' but there's going to be more. And your left with the last scene which wasn't so much the cliffhanger as what came before it. Her decision as to whether she wants to or not, and whatever problem is happening in Christian's life. And the questions you have regarding him.

Overall I will admit it was somewhat better than I expected. But still not my favorite, nor will it ever be. The writing was very amateur and if anything it makes me hopeful that even someone like me could become an author. Just have to include lots of sex. And it's sold more than Harry Potter, which makes me angry because it is not a well written novel that deserves that kind of prestige.

But whatever. I can talk about it as a novel, but because I haven't read the whole trilogy I can't discuss it as a whole. But overall, it was better than I expected but still not impressive enough. Maybe one day I'll read the following books. But not anytime soon. I have a long list of books I want to finish that are much better and I plan to go there.

Saturday is a Lemon Pie

I'm waayyyy behind on my posts. So let's breeze through, suh-suh-suh sorry. This Saturday was an eventful day because we made some marinated chicken with some spicy mango sauce (I could not taste the spicy nor the mango in the end result, but still good). And Then I made for the first time ever lemon pie.

It ended up alright...for a first try. I thought it was much too sweet. But I mean it is lemon pie right? It's sweet. Whateves no big deal. And I'm kind of surprised my family ate it, they aren't big on the sweets except my sister. But they seemed to like it. I don't know if I'll make it again any time soon. But I kind of want to. I want to perfect that sucker, so when I get a girlfriend, I'll be set. Make her fall in love with me, through my cooking. That or I'll make her fat. D:

Which maybe she'll hate me afterwards but you know she'll totally be all over me during that period of time where she eats anything and everything I cook for her.

Lemon pie was alright. And I want to make some brownies next. No not those kind of brownies. The good, decent kind.

That was it for Saturday, and I read some which will bring me to my next post...

Tests

Does anyone else get horrible test anxiety? I do. Forever and always. Sometimes the tests really aren't as bad as I imagined. And other times they are extremely horrible. Sometimes I think I do really well only to find out I sucked monkey butt. Other times I assume the worst and end up doing okay.

I hate how much tests are a part of our life. I literally feel sometimes like I go to school not to learn, but to "study" what'll be on the next test, only to forget it as I rush to "study" the next material. I hate feeling that way. I hate tests, I wish there were some other way. But there doesn't seem to be. I don't know. And the career I want to pursue, sucks because tests go hand in hand with it.

It really makes me nervous. I need to study more, and trade for a different better brain, because the one I have doesn't seem to be understanding what it is that I want.

Today I had a math test. Yesterday an Anthro test. The Friday before that a French quiz and a Math quiz. The week before that an essay, a French test, and a Math quiz. And the week before that a French and Math quiz. And so on.

And next week, I have an essay due, a Math quiz and a French test. It's exhausting.

I wish there were other ways to learn and have a different way to show that we've learned.

I really hope I get better at tests. On the bright side I don't think I did too badly on either of my tests this week. Fingers crossed.

For M

M, this is for you. Like I said.

Lemme explain. M's birthday was a little over a week ago, and me being a horrible friend completely spaced out. And I feel terrible.

So it's late but I'm gonna wish her a happy one, and talk about how much she means to me. She's one of my close friends.

And if it makes her feel any better, I forgot my dog's birthday too...and he's like my child. I've totally been out of the loop of life for the past couple of weeks. And gah. No bueno.

M. Happy [late] fricken birthday!! I really really hope you had the most amazing day ever. I hope you know and realized that you are loved by all your friends, me included. I forgot to wish you one, and I feel bad, but ít wasn't because you don't matter. You do.

I'm so glad we started talking again, going to the same school helps :) but I really mean it. In HS you were one of my best friends, and I know even though it's been a couple of years we're slowly going back to that place. And it makes me extremely happy. You are one of the greatest friends anyone could ever have. You're always there when I need someone to listen to. Even when I don't go to you to talk (because I don't want to bother anyone) I really do think of you and I feel slightly better knowing you're a text or phone call away. I hope you know that I'm here for you always. No matter the time of day. 24/7 I'm there.

You have a fantastic taste in music and I'm happy you share it with me! You love to read, so duh we're bffs!!

We share a passion for Grey's Anatomy and that's perfectly fine. One word: Denny. *sobs*

It makes me giggle how you're a Negative Nancy. Even though you have no reason to be. You're an extremely special person who will go far. Never forget it. I wish you the best, and know that I will be right there watching you succeed.

Again, I'm sorry. And I love ya! And I hope it was a great day. You still are the only person who has ever burned me a CD for my birthday (or an occasion really). And I still have the CD and I love each and every song on there! Which reminds me, I need to sync that music onto my laptop!

But really thanks for being you. Next year at Midnight expect a super long text wishing you a happy one!

I did a Fall Out Boy picture because I know how much they mean to you. So what better picture than them to represent a post for you ^-^

Old Friends

Do you ever have those days where you see someone well, "someone that you used to know", they used to be one of your best friends at a time in your life. Or they were someone you had a huge crush on, or just something. You were close a long time ago, and now you either don't talk or it's never in depth.

I hate thinking about these things because I'm always the one that feels guilty and sad. I feel like it was my fault. I feel like I did something, and that made them not want to be my friend anymore.

One of the worst things is when this happens yet the other person doesn't acknowledge that things are different. I have a friend. We used to talk almost every day. During school in between classes we'd pass each other notes. And the thing I enjoyed was summer, because we never really saw each other but because we talked so much that summers were the times when we'd get closer. I love that girl.

And we'd text often. And now we rarely ever talk. And when we do it's always "oh how are you?", "did you watch this one show?" "yes!" "have you heard that one band's new song?" and so on.

Friendships are a two way thing. And I would tell her things if there really were things to share. But very rarely do I have things to share, so I don't. And even when there is because we don't talk often enough anymore it'd be awkward to drag her down with my stuff.

And she doesn't tell me things anymore. I'm not even sure how or when or why our friendship seemed to shrink and it makes me sad. Because as much as I pretend that things are alright, I'm scared that one day we'll just stop talking.

And this was someone that I imagined in my life for well ever. But now with everything changing, I'm sure one day our friendship will cease. I don't want it to. And I would gladly fight for it. But when we don't even bring up the issue, the issue won't be solved any time soon.

I'm not gonna lie but I started going through her Facebook and Twitter, not in a creepy way, but I came across it by accident. Like I didn't even know she had a twitter till today. And as I was reading stuff I saw how much she's changed, and how much she hasn't, and how if it had been at another point in our lives I'd be there with her discussing these things, I'd be in the know of her inside jokes.

So by the end of this day, I'm left feeling like maybe I'm just not good enough to have someone want and more importantly try to stay friends with me.

Home Alone

Today I'm home alone, and no one will be home till at least midnight. I guess I shouldn't be posting this online, but who are we kidding? No one is going to come knocking on my door...I hope not.

When I'm home alone, it usually depresses me because then I have waaayyy too much time to think and we all know how that goes. So I listen to homework, I read, I write, I watch TV or I text friends. I find ways to keep myself occupied. Luckily today was Tuesday so I was attached to my TV watching PLL.

Today was a pretty good day. Nothing too spectacular. Except that it was extremely cold today, and I enjoyed it.

I have two tests this week, and probably an essay. Oh joy. Wish me luck.

I'm happy to report that the story I'm working on has 20 pages now. I started it like two weeks ago so congratulate me damn it! Just kidding.

I don't write every day but I write when I can. I won't give anything away yet but I'll eventually post a tidbit of it maybe. And I'm really considering posting it online on some website for writing, and hopefully have some people read it? That'd be cool yeah?

Oh well, Tomorrow is a new day, and we shall find something to discuss tomorrow. Hallelujah!

Good night all!

Three Day Weekends

I seem to have a love/hate relationship with three day weekends. The week of that you have a three day weekend coming up seems to take forever to get to that beautiful, wonderful reward. And all you seem to think about is how the week is not speeding up.

And then I get super excited Friday because I'm all "yay three day weekend! I'll have fun and be productive!" Not that it ever happens right.

But I hate how fast it goes by!! One minute it's Friday afternoon, and the next it's Sunday midday. And then you wake up and it's Tuesday. It's as if Monday is completely skipped. Grr.

I love having a three day weekend, I can push my hw to Monday instead of Sunday. But then it goes by so fast and then I'm back at school grumbling and complainin'.

Not to mention that because of the three day weekend, the week after it seems to pile so much work to do and it's all due by the end of the week and that seems to creep up faster than I want it to.

Or it'll go by sooo slow, and I'll find myself complaining about how slow the week is going even though it's only four days instead of the regular five.

I don't know, maybe it's just me?

But whatever, when it comes to it, I'm not gonna complain much, because I will still take every single three day weekend I can get.

Is it Spring Break yet?

Battleship

Feb 17th.

I ended my Sunday with staying up till 2 am to watch Battleship...yes the one inspired by the board game and featuring Rihanna...holla. Sorry I had to go ghetto there for a little bit.

Anyways, I stayed up to watch it with my dad who'd been wanting to watch it, but we'd been to lazy to rent it. So it was on TV and started at like midnight.

I had been avoiding watching this movie mostly because it looked dumb and pointless. Perhaps if the world hadn't been introduced to Transformers (the movies), and even The Avengers with their alien plot line, this movie might have seemed more interesting. I was bored with the aliens being all advanced and technological and coming to our world to destroy it.

So I sat down and watched it.

The first like fifteen minutes were used to introduce the main characters and it wasn't a slow beginning it was pretty good. It had Rihanna, Alexander Skargard who plays Eric on True Blood, and Taylor Kitsch, the guy that was John Carter. (yeah that one). And I enjoyed their performances. That Taylor dude was actually really good and soon took the spotlight in being the leading guy and leader and saving the world. WOO! Haha. Rihanna was a bit of a bad ass, but still kind of funny. It was fine. Nothing out of this world, but not bad either. Alexander's plot line I wasn't expecting, but I guess I should have. Anyways I won't spoil that part.

Now the aliens, weren't badass. But they weren't terrible. Their uniform space suits or whatever reminded me too much of the Halo videogame. And their actual appearance reminded me of the aliens from the Green Lantern movie (the one with Ryan Reynolds).

And what I thought was pretty awesome was how they incorporated the board game into the way the humans fought the aliens. It was kind of genius and I applaud them.

Oh and I kept thinking, "damn aliens are cheating!"

Overall, I'd give it like 3.5 out of 5 stars. And it is a movie I would recommend.

There's plenty of laughs, there's love, there's stuff blowing up and Marines. It was all fun and games. No pun intended.

I will say though, that the ending seemed a little too rushed. One minute they're fighting for their lives. The next it ends.

Ending note: watch the movie and decide for yourself.

Cajun

Feb 16th.

As I went through a normal Saturday, I kind of stumbled upon another thing to add to my bucket list. I want to travel and visit New Orleans or Louisiana in general. I know that's really random but it just popped in my head.

There are no reasons why I wouldn't want to go there for a visit. It's far from my hometown, so it's bound to be very different. It's part of the US, so that'd be one more part of the US I could get to know.

I love food. And I love trying different food. And I want to try their different food. Cajun style. Soul food perhaps? Everything and anything? And their French inspired tastes. I've seen an episode on the Travel Channel where they have a little cafe that sells some of the best, most amazing beignets. And I want to try them. I've never had one but they look delicious. And for those of you that don't know, it's a sweet pastry. Yum.

Oh and I like fried chicken, and gumbo. So that would be a must.

 When watching the Travel Channel during October it also always shows random hotels or inns that are haunted. And I would personally love to go there and see if I encounter anything paranormal.

For me the Travel Channel does it's job, and makes it look all amazing and pretty. I know it's not all like that, but I don't care. I still want to go.

And when I watched Disney's The Princess and The Frog. It only made me want to go there even more. I really liked that movie because it had the familiar touch of Disney with the modernization that New Orleans is instead of it being some random made up kingdom.

And of course I would love to go during Mardi Gras and party all night. Mostly, I just want to get out and go see new things.

Let's Recap

So today is Feb 15th. I'm well into my second semester. And so far so good. My English teacher took a leave of absence so I got new professors in both of my English classes. Oh well what can ya do. It's all good though. My grades are great, and my classes are fine. I haven't made any new friends unfortunately, but I'm content with the ones I do have.

No girlfriend, and I don't see one in my near future but who knows. I've started a new writing project so we'll see how that goes. More on that later.

I thought there was more to tell but there really isn't. I live a boring life. But I'm fine with it. I don't mind having a slow life.

I almost got a job....but then I didn't. Guess it wasn't meant to be.

Life is good right now, nothing bad and I couldn't ask for something better. I've been reading, writing, and handling school and life.

Today I did however had a moment when talking to a friend about HS, and I briefly missed it. And realized how much changed. And that made me extremely nostalgic. But what can ya do? I'm not sure why I miss it. But I do.

Ehh that's all for today. I'll think of stuff to talk about manana.

Oh. One last thing. I have a huge craving for Harry Potter books and movies. I want to watch them and read them. Three day weekend....Hmmm...

The Melting Pot

Day 14!!

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!

This is it, the finale of this. And I'm exhausted. After this I'm taking a break from writing about love and all aspects of it.

So first a look back at everything we've learned.

Love is something powerful, and is meant for everyone.
Love your friends and family.
Love and be loved with the soulmates.
Love life when you're single and love it when you're not.
Love can mean waiting for the right moment.
Love sucks.
Love those random dreams we have.
Love even if it's unrequited.
Love with all your heart when you're seeking love.
Love those dates you go on and hope to go on.
Love until death gets in the way, and then don't let it get in the way.
Love everyone on V-Day and your history with it!
Love Songs and what they mean.

Wow! Tons of love. And if anything I hope we take away from this that it's okay to love, and it's okay if the special one isn't in your life yet because there are still tons of special somes in your life. Friends and family. Pets whatever.

I usually avoid writing about love because it just means I have to really get in touch with my feelings and emotions, something that I locked away a long time ago. But I enjoy this. I enjoyed writing this, and years or even months from now I'll enjoy reading what I've written just to think about what I had been feeling. Or remembering.

I do think love is important and we shouldn't forget that. We all could use some love.

I hope everyone has a great day and makes the most of it.

My plans for this Valentine's Day? I shall be at school till like 8pm. Then I'm going home, I'll eat whatever food there is, do homework, maybe read or write. Spend time with my sister and mom, and go to bed. And I'll call it a successful day. And be content. Oh and I got some candy and a card from a friend today. It was much appreciated.

Happy Valentine's Day to all and to all a good night. Err afternoon. Or whatever.

I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song, Instead I'll Blog About Them

This is meant for Day 13.

Ahh songs and music I love them all with a passion, what would I do without them? I don't know. In this post we shall discuss love songs of all kinds, whether they're about falling in love, wanting to get married, going all the way, crushing on someone, being heart broken, unrequited love, all shall be discussed!

Let's get to it. These are just random ones that I enjoy and I randomly chose from a list of songs that I considered for this. They aren't the top fifteen or anything like that because I just wouldn't be able to choose.

I'll try to make the fifteen songs go in a somewhat chronological order. As in start with songs about having a crush, falling for them, things getting serious and ultimately heartbreak. Sound good ya?

1. Don't judge, but we'll be starting with One Thing by One Direction. It's catchy as hell, and you know what the lyrics are actually things that I've felt before and I can relate. The lyrics, "I've tried playing it cool, but when I'm looking at you, I can't ever be brave, cause you make my heart race....Get out, get out, get out of my head and fall into my arms instead, I don't, don't know what it is but I need that one thing and you've got that one thing." Who hasn't felt this way when they develop a crush, you just can't get them out of your mind. You wake up excited to go to school, you wake up with hopes and a smile. You dream about them at night. Your days get brighter when they look at you, and darker when they don't. This is a favorite song of mine because it perfectly describes how it feels to have a crush. And hell listening to it, just dance around and have fun. Enjoy the brighter days because it feels good.

2. You Belong With Me by Ms. T Swift. Everyone knows this song, and everyone knows the feeling. You've fallen for someone you can't have. Whether it's because they're your friend, or because they're taken.
You see them suffer through the horrible douche bags or hoes. And you hurt for them. And you love them, and you're there for them. But do they ever realize it? Nope. And you just want to slap them till they realize they belong with you. That or you know just bust out in a song and dance, telling them your feelings. It's a great song because who hasn't been friendzoned while their crush goes after someone that leaves them broken hearted. It's a cycle of pain and yet this song provides a tiny bit of hope that the one person will turn around and realize that you're the one for them. "If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you see? You belong with me."

3. Happy by NeverShoutNever, "you make me happy, whether you know it or not, we should be happy, that's what I said from the start, I am so happy knowing you are the one that I want for the rest of my days. For the rest of my days, you're all of my days." Ok, this song is just amazing and catchy and adorable. I want a relationship to be like this. So easy and carefree, and you just happy. Often times we kind of push the idea that a relationship should be about finding happiness together, and this song just brings it back front and center, if I could get my voice to go high I would sing this song more often, but I can't. Curse this low voice of mine.

4. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry. You've gotten to that point. Stuff is getting real. You've realized you are loving each other, and you're each other's teenage dream. Stuff happens eh? "I let my walls come down, down. Before you met me, I was wreck but things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life, now every February you'll be my Valentine, Valentine, let's go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love." You're going all the way. Things are happening and emotions are intensifying. This song captures that perfectly. Ya know?

5. Marry You by Bruno Mars. Ok, you've gone to that step in your relationship where in the back of your mind you think of marriage. "It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you...Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can gooooo, no one will knooooww. Oh come on girl." This song just creates that image of marrying someone you love, and it makes it seem just so carefree and easy. And by the end of this song I'm always itching to get married. Even if I don't have a job, or money, or a place to be married at or even a girlfriend. But who cares because this song makes me want to do it anyways!

6. The Last Song Ever by Secondhand Serenade. Things get emotional in your relationship. Things are intense. And hearts are laid on the table. A first real serious fight, you're both crying. And you want to make up though because you love each other. This song is great for contemplating life, and love. "I wish my life was this song cause songs they never die, I could write for years and years, never have to cry, I'd show you how I feel, without saying a word. I could wrap up both our hearts, I know it sounds absurd, and I saw the tears in your face, I shot you down, and I slammed the door but couldn't make a song. So please stay sweet my dear don't hate me now...I can't tell how this last song ends." If I'm feeling depressed, this song is known to unleash a tear or two, or more from me. But it's a good song to fall asleep to when you're crying.

7. More Than Words by Extreme. You've made up and are back together. "Saying I love you, is not the words I want to hear from you. It's not that I want you not to say but if you only knew. How easy it would be to show me how you feel. More than words, is all you have to do to make it real. Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me, cause I'd already know." The fight shook things up and you both want to prove to the other that you love each other with more than words. You want it to be real. And so you do. You're both happy again. This song is a great one to listen to and sing along to because you can put that emotion that you need to get out in that song.

8. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri, this song was written for Breaking Dawn, but that in no way should make anyone hate this song. This is one of the best and sweetest love songs I've ever heard. Emotions are abundant with this song. Whoever hates this song has no heart. The intro with the piano sends my heart racing for love.  "Heart beats fast, colors and promises, how to be brave, how can I love when I'm afraid to fall, but watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow." I could quote this song forevermore. "I have died every day waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more." This song is what love should be like, what we should all strive to find. Guys dedicate this song to the ladies. Ladies, listen to this song have your heart swell and dream that you'll find this.

9. California King Bed by Rihanna, this is my favorite song by her, just because it's not so much pop, and dance around play on the radio all the time. It's a slow song. And it's about being in love and drifting apart. Maybe it wasn't meant to be? This song certainly brings it up. "So how come when I reach out my fingers, it seems like more than distance between us in this California king bed, we're ten thousand miles apart. I've been California wishing on these stars for your heart on me." Once you drift apart, feelings change and then it's over. That fairy tale love story is gone. It's no longer there. And that's the end.

10. Am I Not Pretty Enough? by Kasey Chambers. This song gets to me all the time. My friend who was going through a heart break freshman year told me about this song and I could just imagine her crying to this song. And it broke my heart. It's a sad song. And whenever I listened to the song, I could easily replace the word pretty with good, and it made me think of my own heart breaks. So you're broken up and you're feeling depressed. "Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder? Why do you see right through me?" This song is depressing, and yet I still enjoy, maybe because it's a good song, or maybe because I'm a sadist who enjoys listening to heart wrenching songs. I choose the second one. Moving on this is a great song when you're having a pity party, and every one deserves those every once in a while. Cry and let it out.

11. Which brings us to the next stage. I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace. Notice the major shift? So you're done crying (for now). And now you're angry. It was all lies. It all was a big mess and you want to punch and scream. "Every feeling that I get, but I haven't missed you yet. Every roommate kept awake by every silent scream we make. All the feelings that I get, but I still don't miss you yet. Only when I stop to think about it...I hate everything about you. Why do I love you? I hate everything about you, why do I love you." So you hate them...but no matter how much you hate them. You still love them. A confusing and angry time period yes? So time passes...

12. Swing, Swing by The All American Rejects. Ahh this brings back memories. This song was my all time favorite when I was a freshman even if it was a break up song. Don't judge me. "Days swiftly come and go, I'm dreaming of her, she's seeing other guys, emotions they stir. The sun is gone, the nights are long and I am left while the tears fall, did you think that I would cry...on the phone? Do you know what it feels like being alone? I'll find someone new...Swing, swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed by a former love, can you help me find a way to carry on again?" So time has gone and you're still hurting but things are getting better, and you put up a strong face. And you have hope. Even if it still hurts.

13. The First Cut Is The Deepest by Sheryl Crow.You're a little scarred and that's okay. So someone new comes into your life. They flirt with you. They make you feel nice and you want nothing more than to devote yourself into these new feelings but it's not easy. It still hurts. "I would have given you all of my heart. But there's someone who's torn it apart and he's taken just all that I had. But if you wanna try to love again, baby I'll try to love again but I know the first cut is the deepest." This is an amazing song when you've been dealt that horrible broken heart. And if you're like me listening to a song that describes your feelings perfectly will help you get over it and move on. And then you realize something about love and the first cut that you received...

14. The Reason by Hoobastank. You don't want to cry anymore, you don't want to be angry and you don't want to hate. And then you realize...You realize that the person that broke your heart did you a favor and in the end you thank them. This song is amazing and is another great one to contemplate to, it changes perspectives. "I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know. I found a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you." This person hurt you, and you hurt them. And you've broken up. It's time to move on and you realize that now you are a stronger person. And you're thankful for everything you've been through. I know I am.

15. Painting Flowers by All Time Low. You've moved on, there will always be those memories. And a small part of you will always love them. But for now you're with someone else. And you're happy with the strangeness of life and the current place you're at is something you're content with. This will forever be one of my favorite songs ever and a favorite song done by All Time Low. "Strange maze, what is this place? I hear voices over my shoulder, nothing's making sense at all. Wonder why do we race when every day we're running in circles, such a funny way to fall. Try to open up my eyes, I'm hoping for a chance to make it alright, when I wake up the dream isn't done, I wanna see your face and know I made it home. If nothing is true what more can I do? I am still painting flowers for you."

You had a crush, you fell in love, you broke up, your heart was crushed, and you rose from those ashes. Stronger than ever. And you've learned and loved. And you're loving again and keep on painting flowers for that special someone.

V-Day

This is meant for Day 12.

V-Day and by that I mean Valentine's Day.

In Spanish this holiday has kind of a tagline to it, something like St. Valentine's Day: The Day of Love and Friendship.

Which I like. I think it's a good day to show that special someone something special. Of course always do that anyways, but Valentine's Day is a great day to go that little extra mile.

And I think it shouldn't just be a couples holiday, why can't really good friends just let their friends know that they are appreciated. Why not? It's a day of love and if there's anything that I hope you've learned from any of these posts is that love is something huge and grand and everyone deserves it. Don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend? That's fine, I'm sure you have best friends you love and that love you back. I'm sure your mom, dad, grandparents would love a little card, or even a hug or kiss.

Don't let it be a bitter day. Embrace the love you have and spread it. Send love to others no matter who they are. There's no reason to be bitter over something you can easily fix just by loving.

So the history? Looong story short, that cheeky monkey [Saint] Valentine would secretly marry Christians in love even though it was forbidden. He got caught and was persecuted by the Roman Empire. Legend has it he cured the jailer's daughter during that time and left her a card that said "From Your Valentine",  and badabing!

Not a totally happy love story, but it had hope. People were still able to get married. And hope can be something very important when it comes to love, ain't that right all you hopeless romantics out there?

That's me included.

So I've never actually had an official girlfriend during Valentine's Day, there were always before or after. And I just try to be extra nice to people on that day. But my earliest memories of it were those days of elementary school parties with the super cool Valentine's Day cards for boys and girls. Boys would get Batman and Superman, girls would get puppies or bears.

And if I had a crush at the time, I'd give her the extra big one that said something super corny like "you're beary special" with a picture of a fat bear. As opposed to a small card that said "you rock!" to the peasants. You know that's how life works. And I loved the cupcakes and parties and goodies. It was all fun times. And I'd go home and being a nostalgic/border line hoarder I'd keep the cards for many months and I'd look through each and every single one of them. And I'd giggle and laugh. Eventually schools stopped having parties and I got goodies from female friends and I was always touched because I never thought they'd remember me, let alone save me a candy or a cookie just for me. I appreciated it and gave them huge hugs.

Life is what you make of it. Same as Valentine's Day, who says it has to be a bad day just because you're single? Have fun, smile, and love.

Until Death Do Us Part

This is meant for Day 11.

Marriage. Do I believe in it? Yes. Do I want to be married? Eventually. I hope I do get married for love. And I want to get married for love. I hope I live a long and happy life with my true love and we grow old together.

My grandparents were married for 59 years before my grandpa passed away. And they were the perfect example of what love and marriage should be. Did they bicker? Ohh yes. Did they tease each other? Every day. Did they love each other? There was never a doubt for anyone that my grandpa loved my grandma with all his being. And my grandma who can seem cold at times certainly had that cold heart melt thanks to him.

Every time one or the other would be sick and end up in the hospital the other would be restless and would only be okay when the other one came out. My grandma had been with my grandpa since she was 15. She turned 74 this Jan. Ever since she'd been 15 all she'd ever known was how to live with him. And now that he's gone things are changing, but I know that she will always love my grandpa.

I don't really see myself getting married in the next five years. I doubt even in the next 10 years, but beyond that who knows? And I would love to get married. And I'd want my bride to have a long beautiful white dress, and I'd be in a tux and all our loved ones would be there.

Canon in D would play. We'd say our vows and I'd probably spill my feelings onto those words and my voice would be trembling because every time I actually speak my feelings I get nervous.

I'd see her walking down the aisle towards me and she'd smile and I'd smile and I'd know that she was the one meant for me. And I'd know that she was my love, my life. And we'd be married. And we'd kiss as husband and wife. And I'd cook for her breakfast the very next day and we'd talk for hours. And we'd dance to music. Not fast songs, just slow songs. So she'd be in my arms. And as life went on, we'd have our first child, whether its a boy or a girl doesn't matter, I'd just want them to be healthy. And hopefully my wife would love reading so we would read to our child all the time. And when the baby came we'd spend hours watching Disney movies. And then our second child be come along, and eventually our third and fourth.

And they'd grow up, we'd help them through their problems. My daughters have a broken heart? Their ex boyfriends (or girlfriends, I won't judge) would have a broken arm. My sons are nervous about taking a girl out on a date, I'd share with them all my awkward experiences. And we'd teach our kids to love unconditionally and if it was meant to be their people would love them just as hard and just as unconditionally.

And we'd watch them graduate, and get careers and get married. And we'd watch and care for our grandchildren.

And when my wife would feel sick, I'd be there holding her hands. And when I'd be sick she'd be there reading to me.

And we'd sit on our porch and watch sunsets holding hands.

And when the time came, whichever one of us left this world first, the other would follow when the time came, and then the party would be begin. Then we would truly be together forever. And I'd introduce her to my grandparents, and my loved ones that had been gone would be reunited with us. And we'd watch down as our kids and their kids and so on as they all found love, even if it'd be in a hopeless place.

And I know I don't mention my parents, or sister or friends very much in this little daydream, but trust me they'd be there. I'm just focusing the daydream on myself and my wife whoever she may be. Notice I didn't describe her, because I don't know who life will send my way. But I do hope she's on her way.

And even when death parted us, we would still be together. Forever.

"Every breath, every hour has come to this, one step closer...I have died every day waiting for you, darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more." 

Dates

Day 10.

This post shall be about dates. No I don't mean that one dried fruit. I mean dates as in where you go out with your significant other.

I guess for this one I'll talk about ten ideal dates I would like to share with a girl. I'll describe them and say why I like them.

Date #1: In the city where I live in there's a casino, called GSR, and it's got tons of places for dates, that I always picture when I go to the casino. Down on it's first floor its got a cinema, a Pizza Hut (I believe, I'm not positive what pizza place it is but it's a pizza place!), a bowling alley, a pretty big arcade with lazer tag, mini golf, and outside it's got go karts. So talk about a fun filled night! Now yes this is more of a less mature date, but I still think it'd go off really swell. Plus it's really got this youthful and adorable quality to it.

Date #2: This one would be for winter of course. Ice skating! Let it be known I don't know how to ice skate, I wish I did. But still this is another adorable one, and go ice skating at night so the moon is out big and bright. It'll no doubt be chilly so you can cuddle up to your significant other. And depending on who knows how to ice skate and who doesn't the one that knows can teach the other one. So lot's of room to flirt and giggle. Of course if you both don't know how to, it may create some embarrassing and adorable moments. If you fall make your date "kiss your booboo". And hold hands and talk to each other.

Date #3: This could very well go with the ice skating. But personally for me, I've always wanted a date downtown at night when the moon's out. Just walk around. Whether its summer or winter. I guess it could also be during the day, and then that way you could go into the little shops that no one ever goes in to because they're meant more for tourists, and Heavens forbid someone that lives in town goes to those little shops. You never know, you may find surprising items. And more than anything at least you'll be able to look at your town with fresh eyes. And all this walking around will give you lots of room to talk to your date. Get to know them.

Date #4: Dinner and a movie. This isn't an actual favorite of mine, mostly because it's a cliché. But it's still a must once you're dating. Go to a dinner and movie. Flaunt to the world that you're dating. Pick a great restaurant and a great movie and no doubt will you have an enjoyable night, eating the food you love, watching a film you like, and being with the one you want to be with.

Date #5: Likewise this one may or may not be another cliché but I actually love the idea of this one. Staying in at home and watching a movie together. Perhaps cooking a meal together? Or hell just order pizza. It's nice because you don't always have to go out for it to be a date. And you'll be with the one you love. So it'll be sweet. You can talk, you can cuddle, you can have intimate moments. I don't necessarily mean sex, I just mean being together in a way that should be reserved for you and the other person, no one else. It's cute.

Date #6: Where there was the winter ice skating one, I think a great summer date would be to go hiking! Let it be known I hate hiking. But I love the idea of getting away from town and life for a bit while going on "an adventure" with your loved one. It could be exciting, it could be dangerous, it could be romantic! Have a picnic at the top of a hill. Take pictures together. Be active!

Date #7: Maybe this is just me, but I'd love a date at Barnes & Nobles or a library. You + Lover + Books = Heaven.

Date #8: Double Dates. This may just be me again but I'd love to go on double dates with my girlfriend and perhaps another couple that are really good friends of mine and hers. You'd be with friends you like to hang with and with the one you love. It'd be a night full of laughter and fun.

Date #9: I figure if you're dating this will eventually become a must, shopping dates. Going to the mall. This is just an opportunity to continue to flaunt your significant other and that's perfectly okay. Talk, enjoy every moment, and girls don't buy so many things to where your boyfriend can barely carry the bags.

Date #10: Spontaneous dates. Make a last minute decision and go somewhere different, do something different and spend time with your loved one. It'll put some excitement and you'll be bonding. Do something different and romantic. Make it unforgettable. Have fun. Be safe, and above all love and be loved.

Funny story, while trying to look up a picture for this post, I typed in dates on google and it gave me pictures of the dried up fruit.

Desperately Seeking....

Day 9.

Wanted: Scott's other half. 

 

The topic, "desperately seeking". 

I'm seeking my one of course. There's certain qualities that I hope my person will have. 

I'm not asking for a perfect Victoria Secret model, I want someone much more down to earth. For example. 

Last semester I sat next to one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen in math. I was totally stoked. This angel was sitting next to me. She had long straight blonde hair and she wore glasses and was just beautiful. And she seemed so nice and almost shy. We'd talk about math and college and how she was excited to see snow for the first time and how she didn't really like wearing contacts.  Being a creeper I totally stalked her on facebook--don't judge. But anyways in her pictures I saw (ironically) that she does modeling and she wore some extravagant and very fashionable clothes and no glasses. With her hair and makeup done. Of course she looked beautiful. But that wasn't who I liked. In one of her next pictures it was her wearing some khakis and a blue polo with her hair straight as she volunteered for some school event. And that person I thought was so much better than the model persona. 

Eventually she stopped showing up to class which I didn't like. I want someone who loves school as much as I do. 

Physical attributes I'm looking for: 

beautiful smile

warm eyes

long(ish) hair

preferably her clothing is normal and not all short skirts and low cut shirts and all that such. I'm not saying she has to wear what I say, but I do like modest girls. Sue me.

Personality: 

Smart

Nice

Funny

Sympathetic

Sneaky

Sarcastic

(She's allowed to be as perverted as me) 

I want someone that can match my personality and clash with it. 

I want my half that completes me. 

 

I want her to love me as much as I love her. I don't want to feel like I'm the one that would die for her, and she's settling, cause that would suck for me. And I guess her, because she'd be settling. 

Anyways, if you come across her send her my way. 

What's To Come

The 14 Day Project has been coming along great and I am more than halfway done with it! I'm committed to seeing it through.

The good news was that the 14 Day Project simply inspired me to not only continue projects like this but get more creative...

So here's what's to come for the 14DP:

We still have to discuss(not in this order):

1. Love Songs (falling in and out of love)
2. Ideal Dates
3. V-Day: The History and My History of Valentine's.
4. A short story--perhaps?
5. Desperately Seeking The One
6. The Melting Pot (everything we've discussed will get thrown in for an exciting conclusion to this project. This will be posted on the 14th!

After this project I think my first regular post will be a recap of what's up with my life.

And some things and topics may pop up.

And my goal is to make a monthly type project for every month. Whether its a 2 day, one week, two weeks or the whole month type of project. More on this later.

I think I'll have like one or two recap posts per month.

Any holiday that I'm aware of will be discussed.

I'm getting more in touch with my writing, so look for more sneak peeks of my original writings.

Look for more reviews of novels and movies.

This is all pretty vague but the closer we get to them the more you'll know. I'm determined to make at least 365 posts for the year 2013.

^This is my mind and me arguing. ^

Unrequited Love

Day 8.

This post I kind of goes with the last two posts. But I promise the next one will be more cheerful and happy. There's nothing quite as terrible as liking someone who just doesn't like you back.

It's a different kind of heartbreak than say hurting after a break up. Because in this situation there's nothing you can do. Most often than not the unrequited love situation is with a friend/best friend/etc.

You have strong feelings for someone and they just simply look at you like you're family. It's painful. It sucks to put it lightly.

I've been there, done that. And I know how much it hurts. I personally think one of the worst parts is that they don't like you back, so you feel like you're not good enough. And when they go and find someone who you can see will hurt them, but they seem to think that this person is good for them...even if you weren't. Does that make sense? I felt like I was rambling right there. But when dealing with this I remember the crappy way I felt because I saw them with someone that apparently was worthy of their love, even when I wasn't. So when you come across this situation I have four small tips for these kind of situations.

Unrequited Love:

1. First evaluate who it is you like, a friend, best friend, coworker figure out who they are in your life. And at the very beginning give yourself the best chance you can have. Try--wait scratch that,  Show them how great you are. Whether this is romancing them, spilling your guts and telling them you like them.  Get it out in the open, don't try to hide it because it'll eat away at you.

2. If they just don't like you like that--don't hate them. Just take a deep breath, forgive them, and if you must let the tears fall (preferably not in front of them). This may sound harsh but I promise it's not: just drop it, don't try going after them. Because they just don't like you in that way.

3. And after this is done, congratulate yourself because the worst is over with. Once you've fallen you can now pick yourself up whether on your own, or with the help of friends....or maybe even a [future] romance...which brings me to...

4. Keep your heart and eyes open. Never give up hope. Keep searching for love, or don't search for it and let it come to you. Either way just keep the hope and faith alive. Because if that one person wasn't meant for you, they just weren't. It's not your fault. And it just means that you weren't meant for that person but there's someone you are meant for out there. And sooner or later they will come into your life.

As much as it is important to have someone love you, it's equally important to love. So even if the love wasn't meant to be don't let it stop you. Because everyone deserves to have some sort of light that is love in their lives.

And no matter how depressed you feel, remember you're  not alone. So go out, have fun, talk to friends, or listen to that 'damn' song that gets to you every time.

A MidSemester Night's Dream

Day Seven.

Ok, I'm cheating a little. Because I wrote this poem a long time ago. Like literally in 2010. But I still really like it and it even inspired a short story that I went on to write later that year.

The poem isn't a lie. I actually did have a dream about a girl that I used to like and when I woke up I had tears in my eyes because I woke up and realized that it had all been a dream. Just a simple dream I had in the middle of semester.

And I was really proud of myself for the clever title for it, playing on Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Anyways, enjoy:

A MidSemester Night's Dream

                   

Her hand closes with mine, our fingers intertwine.

She smiles and everything is alright. I open my mouth

To say "I love you". But at that moment my eyes open.

I can't help but smile. My night was wonderful

Thanks to seeing her in my dream. Days pass

As love resurfaces. Love spreads through my veins. 

After all that time of pushing away feelings, they are released. 

They consume me. They consume my heart. And I don't mind. 

My heart leaves me and belongs to the one who will never want it.

Only in my dreams, will I say,

"I love you."

But from her lips those three words 

will never be said for me. 

My heart belongs 

A Dream. 

  

Heart Breaks

This was for Day Six.

Heart Breaks. They suck. Everyone can agree with that. And depending on the severity of the heart break you can almost literally feel your heart breaking. It becomes extremely hard to breathe. It seems as if the tears will never stop. It seems as if you wish your heart would stop beating just so you wouldn't have to put up with the feeling.

There seems to be nothing that can make it feel better. Your heart is crushed into many little pieces. And a future where the pieces are glued back together just seems impossible.

I'd be lying if I said I've never had my heart broken. Because yes I have. Many, many times. And it wasn't until the last two years where I put the pieces of my heart in a box and kept it locked away.

Now only because this is my blog, and I want to be emotionally honest when I write in this, I'll admit I have cried over a girl. When I've had my heart broken.

So let's revisit some of the worst ones. Why I'm doing this I don't know. But I feel its important to talk about the good and the bad equally when it comes to anything especially something as complicated as love.

There was a girl, she was my first girlfriend waaaayyy back in the day. Waaaay back in the Dark Ages. We never did anything except talk a lot and pass each other notes throughout the school days. We'd hang out at lunch, she'd blush when I complimented her, and we'd grin when we flirted with each other. She was the first girl I burned a CD for. With songs that I really liked and that made me think of her.

Some of which I still remember, and once in a blue moon when I hear the songs, I briefly think about her.
One of the songs I used to listen to for hours on end because it made me think about her was called "Why Can't I?" By Liz Phair. Ahh the memories. I had to put it on right now. Listening to this song.

The main chorus line was "why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?"

And I loved that song because it really was how I felt about her. It was the first time I had ever really felt those infamous butterflies. And most importantly I felt them even more because she liked me back.

We had been friends and then one day she came into class crying because some douche bag that she had a crush on had made her cry. She looked so vulnerable and I wanted nothing more than to put my arms around her, and that was when I fell for her.

Unfortunately, the good things in my life never last and because we were in middle school, and several things happened over the course of one random week we ended it. And I didn't want it to end. To me she was the most beautiful girl I had ever known.

She had long brown wavy hair, braces and glasses, and while she thought she looked terrible I thought she was better than an angel. Eventually that hair straightened, the glasses turned to contacts and the braces came off and I thought she was more dazzling than ever. And she still is beautiful. We still talk, we're friends.

But that was my first real heartbreak. I cried for a couple nights in a row. Never letting anyone see me cry. And the worst thing about that heartbreak was knowing she would move on and do better. Knowing that I wasn't what she wanted in a guy. And that crushed me.

I've been led on a couple of times by other girls through the years.

And even the girl that said I love you to me and I said it back. She let things get in between us to where even when I tried I couldn't keep together. And that hurt, because after everything we'd been through she had left me behind as if I was nothing.

I felt like I wasn't good enough. And this was the summer before Junior Year. And after her. After so many fights and tears and problems and lies between us, I took the pieces of my heart and I locked them away.

After her I had only a handful of crushes and one girlfriend. But none of them were as a strong as the girl who I said ILY to. I'm not saying or blaming her for breaking my heart. I mean yes it was broken. But instead of wanting it fixed, I locked away my emotions promising myself that I wouldn't let myself get crushed anymore.

And I've kept that promise. I know it's not a good thing because soon my emotions became numb for the longest time and I didn't seem to care. And now there are very few things I cry about. I can't seem to access the tears anymore. Even when I do cry it's only for a little bit and then they dry up.

I'm not going to lie, I don't like being emotionless when it comes to these things, but for so long they've been put away, I'm kind of stuck like that now.

And I know one day I'll take my heart out of the box and the pieces will be back together and the heart will be ready to give all it's love to a lucky girl.

True Love Waits...Or Does It?

Day Five. Warning this does indeed deal with sex.

The saying true love waits is infamous. I believe. Honestly almost every single time I've heard that from a person, they usually end up breaking that "wait".

Call me really really old fashion but I honestly don't think sex is an essential part of a relationship...until later. I want a relationship where the girl will end up being one of my best friends. I want someone that will have similar interests as mine yet still be different enough to bicker with me. I want a cuddle buddy damn it. And when I think of wanting a girlfriend I don't think about someone that'll have sex with me.

I don't want sex until we've been together for a long time and we're both ready for it. I was never against the idea of waiting till marriage. More than anything I just wanted to wait until a perfect right time.

And it wasn't until recently when discussing it with one of my friends that I realized that as much as I may or may not like it to be sex is another way to get to know your person. So why would you get married with them if you didn't know/and weren't sure of every aspect of who they are. Sex is a part of that.

So yes I want to wait until I've been in the relationship for a while, and I'll wait till the time is right and when it happens it'll happen.

And although I've heard not to, I'll try to make it romantic. Because that's just the romantic in me.

Now this post isn't me preaching for everyone to hold onto it as long as they can! Or even go hand it out to everyone and anyone.

My advice is just make sure you're totally ready and do yourself a favor and make sure it's someone you really care about and love, and more importantly that they have shown you that they really care and love you as well.

Looking at it from a female's perspective, I've lost count of how many female friends I have that are "in love" with their boyfriends and ending up giving it up. And as soon as that was done things changed, and they were crushed. And I felt bad and in some cases I was left to help her pick up the pieces. Only to have her go on to the next one.

Maybe that's something that has scarred me. I don't want to hurt a girl like that. I don't know.

And there's very few odds that whoever you give it to will truly be your true love. I'm not saying it will.

Let's change the phrase "true love waits" to something like "love will still be there regardless of the sex".

Sex is just the next level/step in a relationship. I get that. But that's no reason to rush through all the other levels to get there. Enjoy the whole game, don't skip to that level. Take your time. Don't skip the steps on stairs to the point where you're left out of breath because you rushed.

Enjoy the game one level at a time. And enjoy the view from each step as you ascend to that high level. So when indeed you do make it there, it'll be something meaningful. And you'll look back at your journey with a grand smile.

Not gonna lie my inner romantic went all goo-goo for this picture. I really like it.

Single and Ready to Mingle (Pros and Cons of Being Single)

Day 4. I'm single and ready to mingle! Not really. I'm single, and no my heart doesn't belong to anyone. I just don't really want a relationship right now. I mean I do want one. But I kind of don't. Because I don't think I'm totally ready to handle being in a relationship. More of that on another day. For now we shall just focus on pros and cons.

Pros:
Lots of me time. No this isn't some dirty innuendo.

More time for friends.

Don't have to spend as much money (yayyyy says the cheapo in me).

You can flirt with anyone and everyone.

No relationship problems.

Don't have to report to anyone besides your parents.

You're more open to whatever life may throw at you, que sera sera.

You can focus more on things like school, jobs etc.

Ok these pros sounded better in my head, and they sound lame but honestly they're aren't. I really am glad for those things. I'm happy being single for the time being.

Cons:
(All these are assuming you don't have friends with benefits/bed buddies etc)

No cuddling.

No one special there for you.

No hanging out/talking for hours with a person you love. Although granted you could hang out with your best friend or something. But it's just not the same.

No special anniversary gifts/dates/fun little plans like that.

Sometimes you just want to have someone that doesn't qualify as a friend. They're your lover and your friend and no matter how much you may be happy some days you do want more. Myself included.

So yes I like being single right now and I'm not complaining. But I also would like a relationship maybe sometime in the near future. I want someone to cuddle with and show my love to in a different way than how I show my friends my love for them.

So this post came out pretty lame. I apologize, I don't feel good, I feel like I'm about to fall asleep any minute now. But whateves. I'll be fine and tomorrow we'll talk about something exciting like heart breaks! Yay!

I thought this was a good quote for any single person, that feels sad from time to time for being single.

True Love/Soul Mates

Day 3.

True Love.
Soul Mates.
L'ame soeur (In French).
Open link and listen to this song while reading this post; this song is what I think of when I think of what soul mates are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3bFOT1e-AU


Do they exist? I'd like to think so. I'd like to believe that there are souls that are meant for each other. I'd love to think that everyone has another half to them. In fact yes I do think there are soul mates for everyone. Do we always find them? That is where I think it all falls apart. I think there are other halves but sometimes they aren't found. And that's depressing. Not everyone finds who they are supposed to be with. And it's scary.

One of the goals in life is to find our happiness right? What if we think we find it when in reality it wasn't our true happiness? It's frightening. And what are you supposed to do? How will you know if you've found the one? In my world, you would know because you would feel it. You'd get to know every single part of this person, what makes them beautiful and what makes them flawed and you would still love every single part of them.

Little Things by One Direction talks about well the little things that make up their loved one, that they still love them for it. Things such as squeezing into their pants, drinking tea before going to bed (ohh you British people), and trivial things like freckles on their faces, and other such things. And that's all good. I agree with that you will find someone that you love all those things about them. And to quote one of their other songs "that's what makes you beautiful".

But likewise Kelly Clarkson's song Dark Side talks about a dark part of her. Perhaps it's a depression that the person has had, a time in their life when they were vulnerable and contemplated things like self-harm and suicide. And you know what, if you truly love someone you will also love those "dark sides". It only makes them more human, and perhaps all the more beautiful because they felt like they weren't good enough. And it's up to you to show them that they are.

I personally always find myself more attracted to someone when I see a vulnerable side to them. I love the idea that I can help them and comfort them. Just like Coldplay's song Fix You, says "And the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse? Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you."

Your soul mate will be someone you love because of everything they do, whether it's blush when you compliment them, make funny jokes, or they're comfortable enough to show you their vulnerability. And vice versa. You will feel beautiful (handsome) when you're being silly, when you dress up, because they will make you feel so, and even when "your tears stream down your face", you will feel on top of the world and more importantly you will feel loved.

I do believe in true love. All we have to do is keep our eyes open and make sure that if we love someone it's at a hundred percent, and that they will feel exactly the same.

If you love someone and they don't love you back, then guess what? That is not your soul mate. A soul mate will be someone you love and they love you back completely. But that is another topic for another day.

Look for love in the most unexpected places. Or don't look for it. If all we need is love, I'm sure love will find it's way into our life. Whether we expect it or not, whether we want it or not. It will be there.

Family = Love

Day two of the 14th day challenge. 

Discussing Family and the love for them. 

If you've kept up with my blog you know that my grandpa passed away in Dec. And yesterday I found out my other grandpa passed away. The one that lived in Mexico. He was the only family member from both of my families, that I knew was like me in the sense that he always had a book with him. And people say I look like him a little. He has- had a butt chin like me. 

And so now I have no grandparents waiting for me in Mexico. My grandma passed away about 9 years ago on Christmas Eve. 

Under tough circumstances I never got to meet her, or my grandpa that passed away. And I want to cry and be angry that all I have now are some old pictures and memories of phone calls. But the tears don't come. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of hurting. 

My grandparents would always call me "mi vida", which means my life in Spanish, but it was used as a term of endearment. And I loved listening to them call me that because even as I grew older I always felt like a little kid when talking to them. And although I never met them I could hear the love they had for me in their voices it was something special and sweet. 

With my grandparents that I do know I could always see it or feel by their actions. But with my grandparents in Mexico I could hear it in their voices. 

I remember when I was younger I was worried that any of my grandparents would feel bad or be jealous that I loved my other ones as well. And now I know it's silly. Because I love those four people with all of my heart. 

I may be weird but I love old people, and more importantly I love my old people. My grandparents. I would go to my grandma's house she'd cook us a yummy breakfast and then she'd go about cleaning her house my my sister played with her dogs and my grandpa and I sat outside in the backyard, while he took a nap and I read. 

I would call my grandparents from Mexico and my grandma would talk about all the foods that she would cook for me once we were together, and my grandpa would talk about the places that he would take me. This didn't get to happen. But I still want to go to Mexico and visit where they lived, where they walked, where they visited. I still want and plan to do that someday. And I know that I won't be alone. They'll be there holding my hands so to speak. 

All I have left in this world is one grandma. And she can be your typical cranky Mexican grandma, but I love her to death, and my other three grandparents hold a very special place in my heart, but for now I'll enjoy the one I have left. And I hope I have her for a really long time. 

I don't want a world where my grandparents don't exist. But I know it'll happen. And that'll hurt. So my goal is to show my kids how great it is to spend time with grandparents. I will make them bond with my parents. 

I'd like to say that I know I'll see my grandparents soon. But then that just means I hope I die soon so I can see them. But I want to live. I want to do the things my grandparents promised me. I want to be hardworking and ready for whatever life throws at me like my grandpa showed me. I want to make them proud. So instead I'll say I want to live, I know I'll see them someday and I wouldn't mind dreaming about them from time to time. I'll enjoy it. 

I love them all. 

Definition of Love

Today is the first day of February and you know what that means. Let the 14 Day Project commence!

So today's topic as I said would be is, the definition of love.

So what is the definition of love?

Love-
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

Straight out of dictionary.com!

So there you have it.

Funny enough each of those definitions are things that I plan to talk about over the course of these 14 days. So love? We've seen the definition of it. And yet we all know love is so much more than that.

Love is falling head over heels, love is when you can't get them out of your mind and more importantly your heart. Love is when you don't want to live without someone (and perhaps every once in a while you don't want to live with them).

One important thing that isn't mentioned is the fact that love is also pain. Who hasn't cried for someone they love?

Love is being vulnerable and if it's the right kind of love you will never have to be worried about attacked while you're vulnerable.

Love is knowing there's pain and not caring.

Right now at this moment in life I'm not in love with anyone. But there are people I love. I love my parents, sister, grandparents, and other extended family. I love my friends. I love my dogs because yes I consider my pets as a part of my loved ones. I don't have the kind of love everyone looks for, but I do know what love is and I do have some form of love in my life.

And because of that for the time being I'm okay with it.

"All you need is love", yes I can agree with that statement. But it doesn't matter what type of love you have. As long as you're capable of loving someone. And realize that there is at least one other person who does love you.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was just gone, not dead, just gone. And I'd like to think my loved ones would miss me. And some days that's enough to keep me going.

At the end of the day love is love. It's not something simple that can be truly defined by looking it up online. Love is so much more than that. It's complicated stuff.  And I'm fine with it.