The Last Days

I haven't been on this in forever. But here goes.

My grandpa, one of the greatest men in the world, if not the greatest passed away on December 6th 2012. At the age of 80. This man suffered a lot. Multiple strokes and seizures and diabetes and other things. But he always got back up. He always kept on marching through. He lived on. He left behind a wife, 5 daughters(including my mom). 4 sons. Over 20 grandkids (including my sister and I) and 7 great grandchildren. He left behind a lot of people that loved him. A lot. He was the nicest man ever. He was a wonderful man. If truth be told he left us December 1st, when his latest stroke attacked causing him to go unconcious. And he didn't wake up from that. But Thursday December 6th was the day he stopped breathing.

My grandpa. When I was little he'd take me to school, I grab his hand and we'd walk to my elementary school. Every morning whether it was sunny or icy he was walking me. And he'd always hum this little random tune. Over the summers my sister and I would go to my grandparents house every day. We'd get there early in the morning (my mom would drop us off on her way to work). My grandma would make us breakfast. And afterwards we'd go out to the backyard. My sister would play around and I'd sit next to my grandpa. He'd fall asleep in his chair and I'd read. It was our bonding time. Every time I got a new book I'd show it to him and he'd take the book and look it over and tease me about how all I'd do is read. It was our moments together. There are so many that I have and I will always cherish. I will always miss him, and I will always love him. He showed me to never give up, even when life kicks you to your knees. I still remember the last time we went to visit my grandparents, it was only a few days before he had the stroke. 2 days before. And the last thing I said to him was "bye, I love you." And I meant it. And I mean it. I'm crushed that he's gone, but I'm grateful for the memories I have. And that I had the chance to say something meaningful.

I love you Apa.

My first semester in college is over. The last day of classes was alright, we had a potluck in English. And a review in math. It really didn't feel like the end.

And just yesterday I had my final Final for the semester. It was French, and my teacher was shocked that I was not indeed a French major and she told me that I should be. It was really weird. I'm on winter break. I've made it through my first semester.

And here's some thoughts on that.

At the risk of sounding like a nerd I don't think having class twice a week is effective and for only 50 mins. I just feel like I don't learn as much as I should.

I hate math.

I hate finals.

I'm glad for a break.

College is not what it's all cracked up to be. I feel so overwhelmed. In HS I used to be really smart. I had a lot of things to show for it. And here? Everything I do...will never be as good or enough as the THOUSANDS of other people.

In the end this was a tough semester, tougher than I thought it would be.

But I am not in high school anymore. That's for sure.

And the world is supposed to end tomorrow. I know it won't but I almost wish it did so I wouldn't have to deal with crap. And no that is not a suicidal thought, it just means I wish things weren't so tough, or I wish I was smarter.

Oh well.

At my house we have a candle for my grandpa lit. So that he may never be without light. And here's a candle in my blog for him as well. This will always be here. As well as for the little kids that were taken away from life in Connecticut. RIP everyone that has passed away this year. And I've known/heard of a lot of people this year.

BlackOut

So with everything that's happening, I don't want to just write about it, I don't want my posts to be depressing. But it's always easier to write when you're full of emotions.

So today, is a monday, and I'm at school, and there is a black out on half of the campus. It's kind of comedic, how much this can affect us, one of my classes was cancelled because of it. The restuarants all over campus are closed because obviously there is no power to cook the food.

It's funny and scary how much we need power, we can't heat our food, our professors can't teach (thank goodness), we can't charge our phones or laptops, and we can't EAT food. This is obviously very important. A side note and very important that my friend pointed out, why the hell is Port of Subs closed during a black out.

And then during this black out I got a call and things changed.

There was a black out in my heart.


This post was supposed to be published over a week ago. But I'm just now going to release it. This was meant as a post for Dec. 3.

December, The Month of Miracles

It's December. It's the holidays. Everyone knows how miracles can happen. And in those emotional filled Lifetime movies they always do especially around this time.

I consider myself a religious person, not in the way where I go every sunday to church and pray every single day. But I do believe in God, and I love Him and I will pray from time to time. And I thank him after something good happens. So I believe in miracles. And right now my family needs one. So I will keep on praying.

I will keep my faith strong and hope for a miracle, it can happen, it has to. It's raining today. A lot. To the point where the thought of a flood is present. And the rain is beautiful and tragic today.

And I'm not ready to say goodbye. So I need a miracle, my family does. And if anyone reads this, and you believe in God, please pray?

I know it's a lot to ask for. But I'm trying to stay positive and when the tears fall, it's when I'm alone.

There's a song, by Carrie Underwood, I know, she's country, but I love her.

Temporary Home, and I can't stop listening to it, because it fits [perfectly, and I'm scared. I'm scared of what's to come.

"Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me
I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face."

This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was
My temporary home.

This is our temporary home"

I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm holding out for a miracle.

Lucky

I was going to talk about Black Friday today and how exhausted I am having gone to bed at 1. Waking up at 3 not to go shop but to help my parents with their second job at the mall. I am exhausted. It's been a long day and it's still not over yet. I was gonna vent about being tired, and all the annoying people. But when I went on Facebook today I saw something, and that's what I'll focus on today.

Lucky. This kinda fits with last night's post, how lucky we are to be alive. I went on Facebook and saw a status from one of my newer friends that I've made this year. He was saying how thankful he was for some person and I figured it was just another Thanksgiving post. But it wasn't. He was in an accident and his friend passed. And he's alive.

I'm not going to be like one of those fake people that freaks out and acts like we are best friends. But it's pretty crazy, he's one of the first friends I made this year and it's really crazy to think how our lives can change in a matter of minutes, and how we can cease to live.

It's almost like we are so insignificant. Our lives can end very easily. Every breath we take brings us closer to our last but that should not be a reason to give up on life or be depressed about it. Instead we should focus on the fact of how lucky we are to be alive.

Every day that we wake up is a new miracle. And if there's anything you take from today's entry I hope it's at least a moment to consider how lucky you are to be reading my post. Thank you. And I hope you all enjoy life to the fullest and make the best of it all.

Have a good day.

Blogging About Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and I can't believe it. Time flies so fast and it's not stopping. So this post is dedicated to saying Thank You and celebrating my 25th post.

I'd like to thank my family although I doubt any of them will ever read this, But I love my parents, and during the holidays I don't see them as much as I'd like to which sucks but I still love them to death. I'm 18, but I'm not afraid to admit that I still need  my parents for a lot of things, without them I'd be lost.. To me my mom is the most amazing woman in the world, I love her, she's been through a lot and still finds it in herself to smile and try to make the world lighter for everyone around her. I will always be proud of her.

My dad, I love him and appreciate how he's always looking out for me and my sister. He is someone that never quits and if I'm lucky I'll be half as great as both my parents. Then there's my little sister who I would surely love to choke sometimes...Just Kidding. But I love her. I know there's a huge difference in age between us. I'm 18 she's 12. Well not that big but still she's starting middle school and I'm starting college we are at two very different points in life but honestly I would rather die than have to live a life without her. I love watching her grow, and I love talking to her and watching her appreciate school and talk about things she's learning. She can make me laugh when no one else can. And she's one of my greatest friends.

My dogs. I have five (small dogs) and I don't care that everyone hates on small dogs or my own. I love them to death. Who else is always 100% excited to see me every single day and they express it. I love going out because I know that when I come home I'll have five wonderful dogs looking at me like I'm their hero. They make me feel special.

I love my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I don't see them as often as I'd like but there is something about each of them I can admire or laugh about and I love them all.

My friends... The ones that I've had and kept I love them, I'm at a point in life where I have only friends I actually want anyone else not worth it is out of the game. I only have friends that I love and would do anything for and the best part is I can feel that I am equally important to them. Friends who I can be weird with, who I can talk about things like shows, food, people we hate, people we love, songs, secrets, rumors, lies, problems. Anything and everything.

I love my home because I can come home and feel at home. I'm so thankful for what I have and who I have in my life.

I'm thankful for my teachers and coaches in HS, and everything I learned from them.

I'm thankful for the chance of going to college.

I'm thankful to God for letting me live and enjoy life with what I have and the people that matter.

I'm thankful for the little things in life, like watching the rain fall and the wind blow or leaves changing in the trees. I'm thankful for the things as simple as being able to read and write, for seeing and hearing.

I'm thankful for this blog. This blog where I can blog about anything and everything and not be judged. It's a way for me to vent, to do something I enjoy. I'm thankful for each and every one of you that actually reads this blog. Thank you for sticking with me through 25 posts! May there be plenty more in the years to come.

I'm thankful to be alive and be able to continue breathing.

I'm thankful for things like being able to sleep and not being an insomniac. I'm thankful for music and movies and shows and books that can take my mind off things.

And guess what? I'm even thankful (somewhat) for my problems because I know I can learn something from them all and if it helps me come out victorious then so be it.

I'm thankful for another year of living and having a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for everything. Thank you.

Yes I realize it's a bit after midnight and therefore it's [Black] Friday. But shhh pretend it's still Thanksgiving!

Missing Mood

Yesterday I found myself  in a "missing mood", what do I mean by that? I mean that I found myself thinking of the past and missing certain people and missing the past. Things have changed. Very quickly. Earlier this year I was in HS not even wanting to think about college yet because that meant I'd have to think about what I needed to get done. And now here I am three weeks away from finishing my first semester in college. It's scary how things have changed all in one year.

I barely see people now that I used to see and talk to every day in HS. Or I see people that I never used to see and we're closer now. So it's not all bad. It's just different. So there are the random days when I miss the normality that I used to have. Don't get me wrong I wasn't sad yesterday, I was fine, it was a pretty good (normal) day. But I was missing people and events and moments and my old life for a  bit...

But life goes on right. And I'm fine with that...for the most part.

Life. Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

"If I knew you'd say it back I'd admit to missing you, but you won't, so I don't."

That has quotations but that's actually something I made up. Maybe it'll be my next Facebook status eh?

Anyways, I guess I'm doing goo. The bad news is no longer a problem, and it's almost Thanksgiving. And guess what? I'm almost to my 25th post! And yay over 200 views. Of course 190 of those are probably from me...but whatever I ain't even mad bro. Anyways, have a nice day whoever reads this!

Random ending note. I think they should make a Monster's Inc sequel. Yes I know about the prequel. I said sequel not prequel. The end.

Bad News

I was going to blog about this yesterday, but for obvious reasons I didn't.

Sometimes you're going through your regular day and you're happy that it's a Friday. And then you get some bad news. But it doesn't quite hit you. You don't understand what this means or what is happening. And you're numb. You know you should be scared and worried and ready to maybe cry. And you are worried. But you can't really feel anything else. You feel like it's not true. Like it can't happen. But it is happening and as much as you try to not believe it deep down you know it's true. And that's where it is very frightening. And that's where it sucks. You get frustrated because you aren't feeling much.

It sucks to find out a loved one is in the hospital. And it sucks not being upset about it. I like to think it's because I'm being optimistic but really I feel like it's simply because I'm numb. I've been numb for the longest time to a lot of feelings, and this is really the first time I'm talking about it here on the blog but yes I feel kind of broken. I'm numb.

I'm a numb person.

But anyways the loved one is doing much better and she should be out of the hospital soon and I'm very thankful and relieved for that. It's just those little things that happen and you'd wish you could go back in time and stop it from happening so they wouldn't be in pain.

But regardless bad news sucks. And I was very frustrated yesterday when I couldn't tap into the emotion that I should have been able to. My mind should have been freaking out but instead it simply refused to believe it was true and because of that it felt like it hadn't happened and it felt like a normal day. And I hated that.

I'm just glad that my loved one is better and with time she'll heal. And I don't even know if being numb is a good thing or not. It allows me to think logically and be calm when others might not be. But being emotionally detached. I don't like it. So we'll see.

Ode To Jenna and Other Stuff

This is an ode. To Jenna. Duh, I'm sure you could tell from the title. No Jenna isn't a girl from my school, or anything, my love life is dead right now.

By Jenna I mean Jenna Marbles. One of my friends introduced me this lovely young lady who posts funny videos on Youtube a couple of weeks ago. And when I watched the first episode I was like huh. This girl's pretty and she's funny. But the more I watched her videos the more I love it. She is so hilarious. And I appreciate my friend for introducing me to Jenna's videos.

Jenna talks about anything and everything and I love it all. And the best thing whenever I have a down day I know what to do. Go on youtube and watch her videos! And I suggest you all do the same.

Seriously she's freakin' amazing. If I ever meet a girl like her, I'm marrying that woman. Or I'll settle for Jenna herself. Whatever it's cool bro.

So I got money today from one of my scholarships yay! I have procrastinated on two essays this week and turned them both in on time. Very successful of me I'd say.

So yesterday I had a meeting for my club HOSA, and it left me with a lot of thinking to do. It talked about the requirements for Medical School and it was something that was very interesting. It made me realize how impossible it is to get into Med School...and yet how I may have a chance.

I'm determined to shine and stand out. I will do what I can and give it my all. But I'm not going to lie. I'm scared. Scared pantsless. I'm not sure yet how I will achieve my goal but I plan on doing whatever it takes. But yes I am scared and I will always be ready to admit it.

For tonight. That is all.

 Word.

Behind and Balancing

I'm not sure what's wrong, am I becoming retarded at living, or is it just that point in the semester but lately I'm always behind on everything. Well not so much behind as in a hurry and getting things done in the last minute, what the hell. Don't get me wrong, I haven't let it affect my school work or anything. I still turn everything in on time and it's never been bad. Although the work I turn in may be about 80% of my capacity rather than 100%.

I don't know if it's the fact that because homework is usually due like at one certain day of the week, for example all my math homework is due on sundays at midnight, which means I don't start doing it till later in the week, I lack motivation to do it because it's not an immediate threat such as an essay that is due on tuesday at 10pm. I try to balance it as best as I can but I'm always not putting a 100% into something whether it's my homework, my chores, my friends or me being a brother/son.

It's really frustrating because I don't even work so I have no idea why I am behind and having trouble balancing things. And for some reason I never get a good night's sleep during the week which makes it annoying friday and saturday nights when by ten I am literally dozing off on the couch. I can't even watch tv because I'm so tired.

This past weekend I bought the first season of Heroes. And I've only seen like three episodes of it because I keep falling asleep. No bueno. Oh well I need to do something to change things up.

Because of all this I haven't sat down and read a book for more than fifteen minutes in over a month, and quite frankly it's pissing me off. I was the type of guy that read like three or four books a month and now I can't even read one.

I need to get my s**t together. And I will. I just need to figure out how to do it. I'm going to try and get all my homework done ASAP, I'm gonna try and go to bed earlier during the week days, find a good book to read and make sure I don't pass out by 11 on the weekends.

This is my resolution. To balance everything and find peace within myself. We shall see where it goes. Wish me luck!

Inspiration

So at the current moment I'm working on a little writing project of mine. A short story if you will and when I have a writing project it is always in the back of my head creating and conjuring up ideas, plot twists, situations and such. And lately I've had this scene in my head but I decided I'd write it down before it gets lost in the abyss that is my dark mind haha.

Anyways, a little background knowledge on my short story. Ever heard of Anastasia? The lost Russian princess who's family was executed and she was believed to be dead. And years later a young woman turns up claiming to be her. Although in real life this was later proven wrong and that young woman wasn't really Anastasia and Anastasia really had died along with her family.

There's also an animated movie about her commonly believed to have been made by Disney although this is wrong. And the movie is wrong too. In the movie a more romantic image is presented the girl proves to actually be Anastasia she's reunited with her grandmother she falls for the kitchen boy yada yada and they all lived happily ever after. Don't get me wrong, the movie is still good I like it.

So my story will kind of be a modern retelling loosely based on the movie/real life situation. There's a powerful family in a town who are executed the night of the little girl's birthday (in my story her name is Annalina). The only people that survive are the grandmother and the aunt. So years later the possibility that someone survived that night comes up and there's a young 18 year old girl who's parents recently die and soon her life becomes intertwined with this whole dilemma.

But my story will also largely focus on the villains (if you know me you know my obsession over villains. They simply are what makes any story juicy). It'll focus on their reasons for wanting the family dead and what exactly happened the night they were killed. Of course when this young girl shows up and could possibly be the long believed to be dead Annalina the villains will be none to happy and all hell will break loose.

That's a lot of background knowledge, so let's begin my scene before I forget about it...

   Amber took her first steps into the city. This was the city of Ruse. Her insides felt numb, she couldn't even feel the joy of being in a different place. Her life was changing. Only a few days ago she had been in her little hut with her parents, living a nice life, she had been wishing for change to happen. And it had. Now her parents were dead, and she was all alone. She didn't know what she was supposed to do here and what she was supposed to find out. But she knew she hated herself. How many times had she imagined coming into a city, She had imagined her coming into the city in the happiest of terms, with the residents singing and dancing. It had all been a wonderful image...and now it seemed like a slap to the face, a cruel twist of fate had brought her here.

   One of the first little shops she came across was a bakery and seeing it she realized the fact that she was cold. It was cold out, it was the middle of December of course she was cold. She went into the little bakery. An elderly man with a huge grin and a great big white mustache was whistling setting his bread in all the correct places. As the door jingled, he turned around to see who had come in.

   "Well good morning to ya." he said and smiled. "What would you like to try today at Baker Baker's Bakery?"

   "Baker Baker's?" Amber asked.

   "Yesh. I am a baker, and ma name is Baker. And this is a Bakery." he explained and Amber nodded. "I would say try the delish Maple Bars, I just er finished bakin' 'em."

   "I'll try one." Amber whispered.

   "Try two." he answered and went to grab the bars. He brought her the two bars in a small plate. "And have some er chocolate milk, you like too young for coffee." he said and smiled as he handed her a glass of chocolate milk. She took a bite of the warm maple bar and felt her mouth explode as the sweetest, warmest and most delicious flavors filled her mouth. Her stomach growled as it eagerly accepted the food. The baker looked at her and smiled.

   "Where did you say you're from?" he asked her and she froze.




And that's all folks! I mean it doesn't sound intriguing, I know, and it's just a simple small scene. But I could clearly see it, and it's one of my warmer scenes before she has to go through everything that life will throw at her!

Recap of My Life...So Far

Sooo this is another recap, the past few posts I've done have been about specific topics and not about my life and what is "up" with my life. And because I've been on break for the longest time...alone...I might as well add another post even if I've done one for the day.

So school is going alright, I've had homework and projects and essays and tests. Same old same old. I finally feel like I've actually made friends in most of my classes and I appreciate that, because I hate feeling like a loser haha nevermind the fact that I'm all alone as I'm writing this haha. But anyways.

The weather continues to get colder with its random stupid sunny days, but it is supposed to snow tomorrow, so we shall see how that goes. The leaves are changing rapidly and falling and I continue to love it.

It's also getting really really dark out super fast. On Monday after my class ended at 6:20 it literally looked like it was ten at night. Quite scary eh?

I haven't been able to read as much as I would like but I checked out two books from the library and my goal is to finish them this month. I used to read like three or four books a month and now it's been over a month since I've sat down and read for more than fifteen minutes and I hate that I haven't read. I don't like not having time to read. So I'll try to fix that. We'll see how that goes.

I haven't had much of a chance to write either, but the brief times I do I appreciate it.

On Tuesday  I was glued to my computer and my tv....waiting for the results of the election. I was anxious and really nervous to see who would win. And oh boy when I found out who won I was- Now did you really think I'd talk about who I voted for. If you know me personally you know, if you don't then it's probably not something to worry about. But the cool thing was that I could say for this election I voted! I was a small, tiny part of it, but a part of it nonetheless.

I haven't seen much tv because again I've been busy and it's all blah. There's never anything good on anyways.

And today, later today in fact as part of my club my friends and I we are going to volunteer at the foodbank so that should be fun. I am ready to help!

With a three day weekend coming up hopefully things worthy of talking about will pop up and then it's Thanksgiving and the ever present dark cloud that is known as FINALS. Yeaaa shiFt just got real. And then the semester will end and we will welcome Winter Break. Things are speeding by, and I'm not sure I'm likin' the speed, but I'll keep going with it and see what happens.

Oh and today is Bram Stoker's 165th birthday! The writer of Dracula! A book I am proud to say I have read and I own. It's definitely a book I would recommend someone to read before they die. It's a good one.

And that's all folks! For now! Dun dun dun!

Blast From The Past- Rediscovering Your Favorite Songs

Music, I can't believe I haven't exactly talked about this yet, and if you read the super long title for this post you'll notice I'm not talking about music in general in this post.

Needless to say I freakin' love music. I love listening to music and I played the violin for like 7 years, this is the first year I haven't played the violin since I was in 6th grade and it makes me sad when I think about it, it was a big part of my life and I loved it, it was my companion for the longest time.

But that's not what this post is about. For today I'm talking about the songs you used to listen to all the time for hours on end. The songs that perfectly described your heartbreak, your crush, your love for life or whatever it had been, the songs that described your life's predicaments. Those songs where you were like "wow this is me!"

And then life happens and things change and whether you want it or not, you change. You become a different you. It happens right, and then those songs you used to listen to all the time end up in the depths of your iPod or MP3 player, forgotten and you find new songs that fit the new you. And these new songs although you may love them now may be similar or completely opposite from what you used to listen to.

And then one day while your iPod is on shuffle or your radio starts playing one of your old favorite songs and then bam! Just like that you are transported back to those moments in your life when you would listen to these songs. And you remember exactly why you would listen to it for hours. And you remember why you fell in love with it and why it will always hold a special place in your heart. You remember who you used to be.

And at least for me after I listen to them I spend the rest of the day listening to them again and I just start to love it even more. Even if the song doesn't fit with who I am now I appreciate the fact that it was there for me when I was the person that listened to it.

The songs usually remind me of simpler times or even sad moments in my life, but that doesn't get me down, at all, why you ask? Because I can realize how I have grown, how I have changed, how that song helped me get through those moments, and it showed me how I came out on top.

I survived whatever I had been going through. I made it, and I changed (hopefully it was for the better). But those songs will always remind me of my past. I don't think it's a bad thing to think of your past and who you used to be, there's a difference between dwelling on it and remembering. I remember. And so this post is for those songs that I used to love and when I listen to them again I fall for them all over again. Romantic huh?

Some Days...Some Friends

Some days things don't go as planned. Some days are just plain bad. Some days people are dumb and annoying and really really frustrating. But what can you do? You can try to move on and not let it get to you. When the world seems to try to bring you down on your knees you flip it off and stand up proud and tall. That's my advice for the day. Embrace it.

So what helps me stand up? My friends. The ones I truly care about. There were a couple that made this day turn out ok. Some surprising. Some not surprising because they can always cheer me up. But regardless it is all appreciated.

I have a friend who we'll call O. I've known her for a really long time, we're onto lucky number 13 years of knowing each other. And I think we tell each other just about everything from "I think so and so is hot" to "I need to vent...*proceeds with vent*" to "I ate Pollo Loco today!"  its what friends do. And shes the person I vent to the most, and I can always count that she'll find a way to cheer me up. She makes me laugh about the dumbest things that would be shaming if anyone found out what we talk about and we can talk about anything and everything and then its like my problems are gone at least for a while. I love it. Thank you O if you're reading this. If not then screw you, you'll never know what I said about you haha. Just kidding.

Then there's another friend who I love and miss dearly. But she's still stuck in HS and she will bug me with her texts, just kidding, it's nice to know she remembers me, and she's always willing to listen and even if I don't wanna vent to her sometimes but I know I can and I really appreciate that. Her and I keep making plans to hang out and then we never do, but whenever we do eventually hang out I'll be excited to hang out with a really good friend like her..even if I don't approve of her religion. Just kidding I'm not like that. Thank you miss K.L.

There's my friend 'smile girl'. I love her to death. We can talk for hours and we do and we talk about stuff like women's rights(what rights? heehee jk) to superheroes to life problems and our views on things. I love that we both have so much to say about whatever topic it may be and aren't afraid to discuss it with each other. That's what friends should be like. Someone you don't have to hide your opinions from. And then boom my problems are forgotten. Thank you.

Then there's friends you love and don't always keep in constant contact like you want to but all it takes is a simple text that they send and you appreciate them for it. Thank you. It made my night.

So when life gets you down, just find the strength in your true friends and stand up. You are never alone in your problems, there is always someone that can help you in the littlest or biggest ways possible.

Thank you all. This message was approved by...well me. Duh.

Remember, Remember, The First of November

It's November 1st. Halloween is over. October is over. The semester is almost over. The year is almost over. Huh...Time goes by extremely fast. And I don't know that kind of makes me sad. Everything seems to be speeding by and I feel like I only truly enjoy bits and pieces of it. But its a whole new month, so why not think positive and hope for the best this month. Do the best you can and enjoy it. Because before we know it we'll be in December...and then we'll all die.

Just kidding. I don't think the world will end in December. But anyways. I like November. Its Turkey month, the weather continues to get colder and nicer and I generally like it. It starts getting normal to listen to Christmas Carols. It's a fun month and one can only hope it'll be a good one. The leaves truly begin to fall and change colors and it all looks beautiful. That's like one of my all time favorite parts.

I guess I don't even know where I'm going with this post but I felt like talking about how stuff speeds and hoping for the best.

Maybe something exciting will happen this month. We will see.

This is Halloween

Ah, Halloween. It is finally here...and has passed. I love Halloween, although I rarely ever do stuff on the day of. For me Halloween is just like any other day except with more people in costumes than usual. And I enjoy looking at all the different ones, it's entertaining I love it.

More than anything I love the idea of Halloween. I always wanna watch a movie that is actually terrifying (still looking, so if you know any lemme know!), I love the candy, I love the disguises, I love the terror aspect, and getting in touch with my inner Mexican I love the idea of El Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead). And I love the weather the fallen leaves, the empty trees, its a great setting for horror to happen. I love it all.

I wish I did other things on Halloween. I'm 18, I don't want to trick or treat. But I don't want to go to parties and get high and drunk. I've already gone to Frightmare, so my goal for next year is to find something to do. Something scary even? Let's bring back the terror of Halloween in the scary costumes rather than the "shake my head" worthy costumes and idiots.

Kids used to dress as adorable little monsters. Teens used to dress up as ugly scary monsters. Now they all dress like douche bags and hoes. That's scary alright but not for the right reasons. What are we to do with this world?

Oh also for next year I want to buy a "horror novel" at the beginning of the month and read enough of it so I spend all month reading it.

I want to be scared outta ma pants! But we shall see what happens. I'm kind of sad that I didn't get candy this year. If anyone brings me candy tomorrow or in the coming days I will love them forever. But oh well life goes on. I didn't even watch a horror movie this month! I'm so disappointed in myself! But next year...next year will be epic!

Oh and I am aware that I never finished my Halloween story, that's because I'm reworking on it and who knows when you least expect it, it will pop up! Maybe the next Friday the 13th...now there's an idea...

Anyways Happy Halloween!

Oh and one last thing, how the hell did everyone suddenly get so good at pumpkin carving! People be posting pics of amazing jack o laterns. What the eff! I can barely cut an orange in half! Sorry about that.. last minute vent.

Voting

So yesterday I did something I'd never done before...I...voted. As I'm sure you could guess by the title. I'd been procrastinating a little because it just felt like this mindblowing concept. What? Me voting? I barely graduated from HS a couple of months ago. I can't do that. But I actually could. And it happened. I went up to the area where they were set up and went into the little room. There was no line so I went up to the tables and within minutes I was standing in front of that touch screen.

I read everything like literally ten times. I was nervous. I was scared. This was a big deal. And there was no one around me that I knew. I felt a little alone and I was freaking out. So I took a deep breath and answered the questions. And I stared at it some more before submitting everything.

And then I clicked submit. And it went in. And away. Just. Like. That. It was over, it was done. I had voted. I Scott T. Had voted. And I stared at the screen some more. I guess I don't know maybe part of me expected fireworks. But nope nothing, nada, zip. I went back to the tables and the lady told me "thank you for voting, have a sticker." I took the small sticker and stuck it on the back of my phone and I walked out.

I have voted. It is done. I voted early. It was crazy. Maybe I'm being dumb but I felt like I have done something important and big worthy of fireworks! I don't know but I do think it is important to vote. Be educated and vote. It's really easy and fast. You won't waste too much time and it impacts our future. I know politicians have a knack for being called "corrupt", but someone has to be elected in, so why not vote for the one you think will do the best they can.

It's something to think about that's for sure. And four years from now I'll do it again. I don't plan on becoming active in politics and all that jazz but I will cast my vote for the President of the US for as long as I am able to.

Busy Weekend

So this weekend I had a three day weekend, thank you Nevada! And for the most part I enjoyed it. I went out like every night this weekend except for sunday. It's homework day. ha. But anyways so thursday night was great because I knew there would be no school on friday. So my friend and I went to the school play, Doctor Faustus. It was definitely an interesting experience. It wasnt the best play I've seen or my favorite but it was good none the less. There were flying actors. And the storyline deals with this guy who basically sells his soul to the devil for powers and he's able to conjure up a demon. Anyways some of the costume felt like a "cheap version of Frightmare" as my friend put it. Which bring me to my next thing...

Friday night I went with a group of friends to Frightmare, there were four different "haunted houses". A regular one, a clown one with 3D glasses, a maze and a "black hole". The first one was like a classic haunted house. Not bad. The clown one wasn't bad, there was a clown with a real chainsaw at the end that was pretty cool. The maze was dumb it took us like a minute to go through it and we only had like three people pop out. The black hole was really trippy. It was just going down a hallway of sorts but it was shaking and spinning and we all felt drunk. That I think was my favorite cause we literally stood there for like five minutes just getting dizzy. Oh and we bought a large pizza while in line and ate that pizza up!

Saturday I went to a Quincenera with my family. In the morning we went to church for the ceramony there and it was actually at the church where my parents got married and I ran into a friend! That was nice. Then later we went to the actual party. It was an almost masquerade party, because the birthday girl and her dancers wore masks. It was something different and I appreciated it. I kind of wish we had all been forced to wear masks. I danced half of the night away and I ate a ton. It was generally a good time. I was there from 1pm to 2am. Because we are good friends with the family we helped set up the party and helped clean up afterwards a bit. Needless to say I was exhausted.

And then sunday. Doing homework I neglected. I wonder if I'll ever get things done before sunday. We shall see. Hmmm.

So...

So...Recap.

I know I haven't posted anything in like over a week. There hasn't been too much to say, and I've been kinda busy. So this post will be I guess random and just a recap of what I've been up to.

I've gone to school. I've had a couple of tests, quizzes, skits, and projects due woo! Not. But oh well I did them and I aced my math quiz...it was just one problem but you know what shush. Let me be happy.

I've volunteered for JDRF the walk to cure diabetes. It was amazing and fun! I joined a club called HOSA which explains the volunteering. I also had a group interview for Blockbuster, yes they still exist! Unfortunately I didn't get called back...oh well...There'll be other chances.

I went to my first football night game! And we lost...in the last minute...Every time I go they lose in the last minute by one point! I haven't been to a winning game!

But it was still really fun.

And I'm sure there's a couple of other little things I haven't mentioned but that's all I can remember for now.

I've been watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy. I started watching it because of the whole it being a show about doctors, but it really isn't a bad show. It's good. So I'll keep doing that.

Oh! The weather this week should be really nice. It's gonna be cold and cloudy! I love it! (see previous post about rain).

I think it'll be a good week. Hopefully. I plan to go to the school play later this week and Frightmare, more on that later...

I think I've caught you up on what's up with my life so far...

So have a good day! No matter what day it is when you're reading this post! Just have a good one.

And I'll try to post more soon. TBA

Rain

There's something fascinating about rain. There's something amazing and poetic about it. I love it. If every day for the rest of my life was a rainy day I would be happier than a fat kid eating his favorite cake.

In the rain I feel like anything could happen. I'd like to think of myself as a writer and the rain gets my creativity juices flowing, I start imagining scenerios all over the place. I start hoping and wishing and dreaming, and its the good kind ( see my post on hopes, wishes and dreams).

And I think one of the best things about college will be that I can walk to my classes observing the rain and it's beauty, that's also what I loved about my high school, we had to go outside to go to our next classes and I loved those little walks absorbing it all in.

In the rain I can imagine a funeral scene for a character. In the rain I can imagine a reunion between two lovers, I can imagine a fight scene in the rain. A death scene, and introduction to a story, a chase scene. There's so much potential in the rain.

When it rains I'm automatically happy and full of energy. Rainy days are my sunny days. I hate when its hot and sunny -__- but maybe I'll vent about that when its hot and sunny out.

So don't ever underestimate rain. I think there's something magical in the way it comes down and washes everything away, some may view that as an end to what was there before, but thats not a bad thing. Don't forget when some ends, something new begins. That's the power that rain has.

Rain Rain Never Go Away!
And to end this post I'll end it with a little excerpt from a story I'm working on (not to be confused with the Halloween one)

As the rain continued to fall down Amber begged for help. She screamed at the top of her lungs while thunder roared and lightning struck.
 "Please don't die." she begged her dad. "Daddy please.''
Her dad opened his eyes and looked at her. His brown eyes were full of pain.
"Go to the city, find them. Take what belongs to you, and above all be careful, your presence will be a threat to many, my little Amber, you have many enemies. But you have to be strong...you have to..." he whispered and closed his eyes. Amber screamed at the top of her lungs as lightning struck a nearby tree setting it on fire.
And the rain continued falling down more furiously than ever.


And that's all folks!

Awkward

Awkward, there's definitely awkward people, situations and moments. And my life is full of awkward everythings. I think I find myself in some sort of awkwardness at least once everyday, and that's nothing new. Even the word awkward has an awkward spelling, you'd think it'd be spelled "akward" but that's obviously not the way to spell it. And no doubt as I'm writing this post the word awkward is going to look like it's spelled wrong which is just awkward. Now I'm rambling.

But hey its true. Now this isn't a post to trash talk about how awkward things are or how my life sucks because it has awkward moments, far from it. My life doesn't suck and kindly remind me of this if I ever say it does suck.

I think the power that awkwardness has is great. Awkward has the power to thrust you out of your comfort zone and that's not always a bad thing.

Unfortunately I don't take risks, I'm the kind of person that plays it safe, and so when I get out of my comfort zone I freak out and honestly the outcomes are never really bad, of course I'm not talking about getting drunk at a party and everything being fine. That's not who I am. If people know me they know I'm not a party...er. Unless you count parties as being with friends and sitting around talking and joking, eating chips and drinking...soda. That's a great party to me.

But back to the topic. For example my Senior year I took Theatre in college, I was the kid who got sweaty hands from speaking in front of a class, so performing on stage? What was I thinking!? And so I took it and our very first assignment in class was a song and dance performance with a partner. I was freaking out, I love to sing but I have a horrible voice and I don't do it in front of people. But I went on that stage and rocked it. I got an A- on it. It wasn't bad. And I did so much in that class, I did dances, deaths, lip syncs, I wrote a minimusical and also was in it with my group. And it was amazing and I made some great friends and got closer to one of my friends, she's my sister now.

I did an internship in the hospital's ER where at first no one but the nurse I was shadowing talked to me, as you can imagine walking into a room with a naked patient who has blood when they...go ...poo- well that's pretty awkward. During that internship I saw many things and once I got to translate for a patient and had to explain to her that if she was having sexual relations she needed to use protection...I also got to see the Dr. stick his hands up there...or down there depending on how you wanna look at it...moving on...

If you're reading this you're probably feeling kind of awkward. Ever had someone ask you out with a cake in front of the whole class? No? Well it's kinda awkward. I liked the girl as a friend but not as something more, so after like five minutes of silence and everyone staring, I quietly declined. Carrying the cake for the rest of the day was probably my punishment...

And with College there's plenty more opportunities for awkward moments. So I'm looking out for those. Just yesterday in one of my classes this girl and I accidently bumped into each other when we went to grab our backpacks. Yes it was accidental! And we said "sorry" at the same time. Now this isn't really awkward, but I guess it could be, only I'm looking at it as possibly, maybe, "the start of something new", funny how the title of my blog keeps cropping up, maybe it was a damn good title for it.

But my point is never look at awkward moments negatively, something good could totally come of it. Theatre taught me how to be brave, I don't freak out when I present in class anymore and I made some good friends, my internship got my feet wet in the type of career I want, and it only made me more excited. And suppose I had liked the girl who asked me out, that would have been perfect, because I'd never have the guts to bake a cake and ask a girl out in front of a class.

And as for awkward people, you can't really judge them because you're awkward too. We all are, and that's ok. And who knows that awkward person might just be a really great friend. We are all awkward turtles.

Winter is Coming...

Today was the first day I think we truly felt the good ole cold weather of Reno. And I couldn't be happier. I love cold weather it goes along with my cold heart. I freakin' love when it turns to Fall and then the age of Pumpkin Pies and fallen leaves begins. And it is all a prelude to winter. And who doesn't love what that all means. Food, Candy, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Turkey, Family Reunions, Sweater Weather, Snow, Sleeping in bed all nice and cozy, Christmas, Presents and all that fun stuff.

Winter is coming and that doesn't have to be a bad thing as it usually is in Game Of Thrones. I'm not usually an optimist but the cold weather really fuels my blood and gets it pumping. I'm excited and I'm expecting great things from Winter. So next time you go outside and you feel that cold breeze don't complain about it, simply smile and think of the great things to come. It seems like this year has been speeding by...2012 is almost over, and only a few short months ago I couldn't believe it had started and I would be graduating HS in 2012. It's crazy how time flies.

And this post isn't much...but look at it as a tease of what's to be discussed in the future ie: actual Winter, the holidays, how time flies etc. There's plenty to discuss and I plan to see this blog to the end...whatever that may mean and discuss everything...about everything. Hmm I think next time I'll talk about....eh you'll just have to stay tuned to read what I'll talk about next time.

And with that...

 

 

I think everyone recognizes that picture. It's like a Fall classic. And very poetic. Hmm maybe that'll be the next topic! Poetry!

 

 

The Weekend Project

Yeaaa ^^^ the title hints at something cool and exciting. That is not the case unfortunately. If you were expecting some exciting story of how I went to a party and met the love of my life and went on an adventure...sadly that is not true. Sorry.

So I didn't post anything yesterday because there really wasn't much to say, don't worry I hope to actually do some things in these coming weekends so I'll have something to discuss. But this weekend? In one word...boring.

My weekend consisted of a lot of tv watching, some reading, very little writing and just hanging out with my family. My parents and sister and my dogs. I did homework too. I think the most exciting part was doing my math homework Friday afternoon...and getting a 100% on it. For those of you that don't know I suck at math. Anyways its due today (Sunday) but I did it Friday! Yay!

Now because there's nothing else for me to say, and whatever is going through my thought process will stay there for a little while longer, don't worry I'm sure I'll soon blog about my thoughts, I decided to work on my writing skills a bit. And start a short story. I think I'll make it an ongoing thing, whenever I don't have anything in particular to discuss or say but I want to blog, I'll continue the short story, and if there are any of you that actually follow my blog I'll always maybe include a short summary of the previous installment and then you can just flow right in. Now for an idea of a short story...hmm... Well. It is October! How about a short scary story! I've never really done one before but here goes nothing:

Zoey stared out the window, the leaves on the trees were falling, they were painted in familiar Fall colors. Some of the prettier ones were the darkest reds. It gave off the image of a bleeding tree. Bleeding...blood. Zoey looked down at her hands. They were all dead because of her.
"Zoey? Continue with your story please." the detective whispered and started writing in his notepad. She slowly turned to look at him, tears filled her eyes.
"They're all dead because of me." she whispered.
"Yes, you've said that already. Will you tell me what happened last night?"
"It was supposed to be the perfect night. My birthday...my 18th birthday. A freshman in college, my first 18+ birthday. My friends and I decided that we would have a scary movie marathon at my house, my parents were supposed to be out of town. It was perfect."
"Who were your friends?" he asked her and she took a moment to remember it all.
"My two best friends, Kallie and Becca and my boyfriend Trevor."
"What happened?" he asked again and looked at his watch, impatient. Zoey was his last case for the night. He interviewed her and then he would be allowed to go home. Zoey had called the police at midnight saying that someone had broken into her house and killed everyone inside. When the police got there they had found her out on the front lawn on her knees sobbing covered in blood and a bloody knife in her hand. She had kept saying "he escaped" over and over again. But the lack of evidence seemed to suggest that she had killed her friends and parents. He had looked over her file she was as normal as could be. Never gotten in trouble, straight A student, there seemed to be no reason for her to have suddenly gone crazy and killed them.
Zoey looked out the window again. The sun was setting. And 24 hours before with the sun setting it all began...
The doorbell rang and Zoey ran down the stairs to answer it. Trevor had been fast. He had called her ten minutes ago telling her that he and the girls were waiting for the pizza and then they would go to her house. She smiled, she was so happy.
"That was fast!" she exclaimed as she opened the door. Something came flying and landed at her feet. She looked down and screamed. A dead cat was on her doorstep. She looked around to see who had thrown it. She walked out to her front lawn and looked around the street, no one was around. Her front door slammed closed and she turned around. She walked back inside her house and went to her kitchen.
"Boo!"

To be continued...

Ok a little cheesy. But I'll make it better as it goes. I have the ending planned out already so as long as I can get to it I'll be happy. Any thoughts on the story?

Seeking Jobs

There isn't much wisdom to discuss today I'm afraid, but there is something I figured I'd talk about especially since I spent most of my afternoon doing it...Applying for jobs, oh how it sucks to be in college and not have a job.

I'm gonna be honest, I want money. It sucks being in college and not having money. I know I'm not going to become super rich as soon as I get a job, but I live with my parents, and I feel bad asking for money constantly so I avoid it as much as I can, and that usually means I'm broke.

So a job would be nice I'd have some cash, and because I wouldn't have to pay any major bills it'd be great. I could go out and by myself lunch, or go out with friends without having to wait to get money from my parents.

Another reason I would like a job is simply so I can say I go to school and have a job. There are two different kinds of friends you can have when it comes to jobs. The ones who love complaining about how they work and have school and blah blah blah, they get really annoying...Fast. Because for anything they'll bring up their job and basically say you are nothing because you don't work. Get over yourself people.

Then you have the friends that do work, but they don't complain about it. It's just another part of their life. I like those people. Don't get me wrong, it's fine to complain about your job and all but please if you're going to have conversations with me don't make 80% of them about your job or something related to your job.

So I want a job, and I spent most of the afternoon applying to them. And I hope I get called back or something. And hey this would be a plus for my friends and family because I'd go all out and buy everyone presents for the holidays! Woo!

And while we are on the topic of jobs can I just say I don't understand how some people even get jobs in the first place? Oh well there will always be those people that you can't but "wtf" at how good their lives are yet how dumb or crappy people they are. Well that was mean of me. Oh well. Admit it you all think it too.

Dreams, Hopes and Wishes

Today, I am much better than yesterday. I'm not down anymore! Woo! Well let's get on with this post, I wanted to write about it today because its something important to me and I think about it a lot. And it came up again, and while I guess it may be a little pessimistic I don't mean it in that way at all. It's just food for thought.

Dreams. We all have dreams right? I don't necessarily mean going to bed at night and dreaming. I mean more like day dreams or imagining scenerios, having hope. "If I were to win the lottery I would buy my parents a mansion, I would make sure all my schooling and my sister's was paid". "I hope the girl(or guy depending on who you are) I ask out says yes...and then we'll be a couple." "I want you to be my significant other", "I wish she'd/he'd notice me...", "Maybe I have a chance..." All these scenerios, is it right to dream about them? To hope? To wish? Is all that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it harmful to us?

What are the odds of winning the lottery? What are the odds of you ending up happily ever after with the person you currently can't get out of your mind? I don't mean this as a negative thing, I'm just curious. I make up scenes in my head all the time, and when they don't happen, it well sucks. It hurts even. So is it a good thing to spend all that time imagining something that isn't true? We waste a lot of time with that. And it sucks.

But I personally do love daydreaming and creating these hopes and wishes. It's fun, it gets me out of the boring moments in life. It's nice to imagine a life where everything that could go right for you does, who wouldn't want that? We as human beings I believe should never give up on hope. Hope is something important in our lives, I think we don't realize how lost we would be without it...Although I won't go more into that because I wanna save the discussion of hope for another day :p .

But anyways, thoughts? Is it bad? Is it a good thing? I'll keep on daydreaming, that's for sure. But I don't know, it does suck when it doesn't happen. But hey when they say be careful what you wish for, why does that always have to be a bad thing? What if we are careful what we wish for, and we wish for something good and that good thing does happen!

That I think is enough to keep me going.

One of Those Days...

Ever have just one of those days?  Or in my case couple of days. You know the ones I'm talking about it. Those days where you just can't help but have yourself a pity party. You're just down about everything and it sucks because there really is nothing to be down about. But as the French say, C'est la vie. (That's life).

So what do I do when it's one of those days...? Well because I lack the energy to really do anything I start listening to music. And thinking. A lot. Too much perhaps. This mood kind of set in last night and it's still going strong. So I procrastinated my homework although before I started writing this I did finish it. I'm down but that doesn't mean I'll give up on school. I just put it off.

Why am I down? Or what triggered it? I'm not even sure. It just washes over me and I wish I could sleep...for a lot. I will most definitely go to bed early tonight. I like sleep. Why is it when we overthink it never turns out good? Why don't we overthink positive things or hopeful situations? It's always the bad. And I hate that it's always the bad. Doesn't mean I'll stop thinking of the bad, but hey I'm being honest here.

So what do I plan to do for these type of days? Well for one thing I'll let it pass. Just let it play its course. And hopefully tomorrow or even later today becomes better. But while I'm overthinking everything, I'm planning something. The Start of Something New. That's the name of this blog and my post, and it's time I followed my own advice right? While planning I'm making myself a promise of something good. If I'm down and I have reasons that make me feel bad, I'll change them. I'll do something different.

There's plenty I want to change about myself, personality and appearance wise and all that jazz. And while I'm not talking about swapping bodies or surgery or any of that stuff, I mean more subtle things. I want to be more open, and friendly, although I think I'm friendly! It's just only the people that know me...know that. I want to make more friends, and I need a healthier life haha.

I'm going to do these little changes so next time when it's one of those days I can tell my inner self to shut up because I've changed what normally gets me down.

I will crush days like this! I will be confident in making these changes and be victorious!

There's me being optimistic again, but hey, why not? It's always darkest before the dawn.

Sick

Sick. I hate being sick. I never even know how it happens,but happens it does. Oh how I hate it. One day I'm fine, the next I wake up with a sore throat. Later the nose gets stuffed and then it's runny. I take nyquil and dayquil and all that jazz but it never seems to work. So I have to wait it out and hope it doesn't cause some embarrassing situations last thing I need is to have social suicide all because of a cold!

Illness

I was sleeping safe and sound in bed...
 You crept into my room...
   You looked for me....
    And found me....
     You crawled in bed with me...
      And before I knew it you devoured me...
       I woke up and you were a part of me...
        I was helpless....I was angry...I was sick.

Future

Future, that little word is kinda scary, at least to me. The future is really overwhelming to say the least and I don't necessarily mean future as in robots taking the world or even a zombie apocalypse. Although yes I think about that too. And I have my little hideouts planned if that ever should happen. I plan to be safe and alive!

But that's not what I mean by future. See with me I've always wanted to be a doctor. For as long as I can remember. Why? Because growing up I've witnessed my grandparents spend more time in the ER than anyone should ever have to. I felt helpless to say the least. I love my grandparents and when I was younger I used to spend more time in their house than my own. For years I have watched my grandpa take six pills in the morning and four in the afternoon. I generally want to help people in any way I can, so combine that with what I've seen and soon as a young kid I wanted to be a doctor. I always worked hard in school and always tried. I maintained really good grades, my Senior year in high school I did an internship in the ER. I've been trying to do what I can.

And now I'm in college. And it's scary, because no longer is the future some far away dream. It's here. I have to get my butt in gear and do everything I can if I want to be a doctor. And I've only been in college for like six weeks but already its intimidating and frustrating. I'd like to think of myself as someone smarter than the average 18 year old. But the truth is (and especially in college) there are thousands of other people way smarter than you. I feel dumb compared to them.

How can I compete with these geniuses? Already I feel like I'm not good enough. And the fact that I do really well in the subjects that don't necessarily matter for what career I want is frustrating. So all I can do other than feeling sorry for myself is push to the next level. Study even more. Work harder. Try and in the end (hopefully) triumph. Some days its depressing because I feel like I will have no chance in hell of getting to where I want to be in life. And others I feel really optimistic and feel like kicking my obstacles in the gonads.

So the future. It's scary. I'm scared. I'm scared I'll fail or I won't be good enough. But I really want to help people, I want to save lives and if I have to not see the light of day for the next ten years to achieve it I will most definitely do it. (I'll just keep plenty of books around for my enjoyment, and food). I will be a doctor damn it! I'm determined to do it. But its always nice to once in a while be able to write down my thoughts and doubts. Can I do it?

My heart says I can. My brain says, "try you must".

And once I'm a doctor I can be that one doctor to rule them all. Ohh yes a world where I rule. Now that's quite the future.

Saying Goodbye

Often times in life we have to say goodbye to people, to places, to our old selves. We say goodbye a lot. So its taken me quite some time to get over HS, I know I know. I'm in college, I should be happy as hell that I've made it. But truth is I miss it, and a part of me always will. As graduation drew nearer I didn't want it to end. I wanted to stay in High School. It was my home. I felt safe and at home. I didn't want to go out in the real world. I didn't want to grow up. I didn't want to deal with change and not seeing people that I loved every day. But I'm ok now. I'm excited that I'm in college and I really like it.

                                                        Ode to High School

                               You were my friend....
                               You were my enemy...
                               You were my comfort zone...
                               You were the place I dreaded.
                               You were always there whether I liked it or not.
                               You were you.
                               You obviously aren't a person, you're a school.
                               You are my school though, and you always will be.
                               And I'll be your alumni.

Start of Something New

   Starting something new is always hard...or easy depending on what type of person you are. Me? My life is currently in a new stage...Been in college for about a month now wooo! And that took some getting used to.
   The transition of High School to College is an interesting one. Your life changes. You are suddenly out in the real world...kind of. You go to a university that seems like a small town where there's everything you could possibly want. It's a school and it really becomes your home more so than your high school or middle school ever did.
   It's an adventure! You want to try new things, everything you learned from High School you can finally apply to life. You have a general idea of the type of person you are or who you want to be. You know the type of friends you want or don't want.
   The thing about college I think is that you have to say goodbye to your life from before. You start a new pattern in life, new goals, and new experiences. And this brings me to the blog...I wanted to start a blog. I've always wanted to but I live a boring life so I figured that it'd be boring and I felt like no one would read it. But now, its ok if no one does. I mean I still want people to read it, but damn it regardless I am going to write a blog! And this first one may seem a little boring, but I will write better more interesting ones.
   I am who I am. I will write what I feel like in the moment, whether its a story and a poem or whatever. And I promise this blog will be revolutionary!

   And for now that is all.