Sometimes you're going through your regular day and you're happy that it's a Friday. And then you get some bad news. But it doesn't quite hit you. You don't understand what this means or what is happening. And you're numb. You know you should be scared and worried and ready to maybe cry. And you are worried. But you can't really feel anything else. You feel like it's not true. Like it can't happen. But it is happening and as much as you try to not believe it deep down you know it's true. And that's where it is very frightening. And that's where it sucks. You get frustrated because you aren't feeling much.
It sucks to find out a loved one is in the hospital. And it sucks not being upset about it. I like to think it's because I'm being optimistic but really I feel like it's simply because I'm numb. I've been numb for the longest time to a lot of feelings, and this is really the first time I'm talking about it here on the blog but yes I feel kind of broken. I'm numb.
I'm a numb person.
But anyways the loved one is doing much better and she should be out of the hospital soon and I'm very thankful and relieved for that. It's just those little things that happen and you'd wish you could go back in time and stop it from happening so they wouldn't be in pain.
But regardless bad news sucks. And I was very frustrated yesterday when I couldn't tap into the emotion that I should have been able to. My mind should have been freaking out but instead it simply refused to believe it was true and because of that it felt like it hadn't happened and it felt like a normal day. And I hated that.
I'm just glad that my loved one is better and with time she'll heal. And I don't even know if being numb is a good thing or not. It allows me to think logically and be calm when others might not be. But being emotionally detached. I don't like it. So we'll see.
I'm with you on the numbness. :/
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