Off

On Monday I was feeling off. If that makes sense. I was there. I was me, but I wasn't totally me.

In the morning I was quieter than usual. I knew it, my friends sensed it. But I made no effort to change it. I just felt like I didn't have anything to say so I kept quiet if that makes sense. It probably doesn't. Oh well.

As the day progressed I got slightly better. I enjoyed talking and laughing with the semi friends (classmates if we're being honest) in English. In French I found out I got an 86 on my last test. And that pissed me off. What the hell, it's my last one and I got a B on it. I don't even know how to express my anger at that.

Lunch with friends was god and better.

Math I found out I got an 87 on my last test. And I was on cloud 9. I couldn't be happier! (Seeing the irony there?)  It's the highest I've ever gotten on a math test. I was happy and proud of myself. My grade is now an 85 in the class. Ugh, I'd like an A. But it'll hopefully stay a B.

My break was fine and I ended up writing another chapter in my story. I have reached 90 pages!

I went to my last class which was relocated because someone had thrown up in the class.

We watched Black Swan and discussed it. Upon seeing it again I admit I like it a little more. I hadn't liked it the first time I watched it and that was probably because I watched it with my parents. Most awkward thing ever.

But it's an alright to pretty good film.

I ended the day eating dinner by myself at home (even though everyone was home) and that kind of depressed me. But whatever.

Family Party

Sunday I had to go to a family birthday party. Let it be known that I neither like family nor parties. But my parents made me go. And it was my little cousin's birthday. So being a positive grumpy cat I figured free food. 

Now I'm going to get a little serious for a minute. This was the first actual family party we've gone to since my grandpa passed away. And I felt it. I felt his absence. He wasn't there smiling and watching everything and everyone. He wasn't there to laugh at my cruel jokes that I make at the expense of my other family members. He wasn't there. And that was heartbreaking. It's not the same. And if this party is any indication of what's to come it will never be the same. I miss him. 

Another thing I hate about family parties is the fact I seem to have nothing in common with my cousins. There are two types of cousins that I have. The ones I like and can maintain somewhat of a conversation with and the ones I completely ignore and they ignore right back. At this party it was the second kind. In the past I would have sat between my grandparents and talked to them. But this time, I chit chatted with my grandma and stuck to my sister and parents. 

The highlight of this night (aside from the cake) was watching my mom shove everyone out of the way in order to get to the candy from the pinata. She's a wild one that one. 

My grandpa's birthday is in June and every year we'd celebrate his birthday in big. And this year will be the first year without him but we will still celebrate it. I don't know if people will go but I hope so because even if I don't get along with them they are still family and my grandpa loved his family more than anything. I'll let y'all know how that goes.

At least my little cousin had a good one. He's an 8 year old. And his brother has his birthday a day after mine and his sister has the same birthday as me. So I'm bound to family for better or for worse. 

^^^Notice the lack of Mexicans in that picture -__- people actin' like pinatas are part of they culture. B*tches please. Haha. 

Rich

On Saturday I went and volunteered at a local event downtown. The JDRF Gala. It was basically a place where the richest of the rich came had dinner and auctions to raise money for diabetes. The club I'm in volunteered to help out. And me being the ever so helpful one gladly agreed. My friend and I both went and we dressed really nice. I was in a button up shirt and tie with black slacks and a vest. She wore a black skirt and a pretty blue blouse.


The event was downtown. And my friend and I's first thoughts were that it was way too hot for this. -__-. That's why we're such good friends. So we went to the event with the other people in our club. My first thoughts and feelings were that I was shocked at the fact that we had more than five people volunteering. Probably because they found out we were getting free food. And we did. That was the first thing they did, they fed us! Some rich expensive ravioli! It was pretty awesome. After that we had to get working.

That consisted of learning the ropes with the little machines (ipod touches with a specific app to them) for the silent auction and being around in case anyone needed help figuring out the system. That was for over an hour and really, really boring. This is the part that really, really annoyed me. Yes I just used 4 reallys in the same paragraph. This is my blog. Anyways. The stuff for the auction consisted of tickets to the university's football game, trips Disneyland, tickets to a Justin Bieber concert in Vegas, and huge expensive painting and boxes of wine and vodka. And a little Labradoodle puppy (he was sold for over 4000 dollars). Yup.

But during this time most of the people were extremely rude. They would not move to let us through, yet would walk right by us without so much as an excuse me or a second hell even first look in our way. They were very rude and I was feeling very pissed. I also couldn't believe that middle schoolers (or at least they looked like they belonged in middle school) were acting like they were the shit.

By the end of this I was not impressed with the rich. Especially when they would buy things wasting hundreds of dollars and in some cases thousands and not even know what they had gotten, yet expected us to know.

We bagged and boxed their "goodies" and they were off with them.

At least the event raised a crap load of money. And it was actually really fun. And as much as I hate dressing up I admit it was kind of cool to do so.

Oh and the decorations were amazing and the theme was James Bond. The rich sure know how to party.

And Back Again

On Friday I went back...to my high school. I went with one of my best friend's to see the Spring Play. Titled The Boys Next Door.

So upon going back, even though I live like right across the street from it I don't go back there. And last night I did. I walked there and it literally takes me longer to get from one side of the campus to the other than to walk from my house there. But it brought back all those memories of waking up in the morning, getting ready and walking to school and likewise walking home. High school was a flash. It seemed to never end but it did end really fast. Before I knew it I was thrust back into college.

It was so weird going back and walking through campus and realizing how it hasn't changed. It's the people. There were so many people there that I didn't know or recognize which I expected and knew would happen but it was still weird. Life really does go on.

I also saw some familiar faces, and that was great. But again they've changed. And I've changed and it's all interesting to see the differences that have happened. And at the core some of those people are still the same and it's comforting.

As for the play. It blew me away. I don't even know what to say. It was about four guys who are mentally disabled and trying to integrate them into society. It was heartbreaking, it was adorable and it was powerful.

I loved it. I teared up throughout it. I applaud them.

It's amazing that high schoolers can pull that off. I really truly hope they continue in theatre because it would be such a waste to let it all go.

All and all a good experience that I don't regret.

There....

One of those semi recaps.

So life is kinda stressful. I've got like a bajillion things to do! The end of the school year is upon us and I couldn't hate it more. I need to get my shit together and work harder and finish this year strong. I gotta do it.

One of my parents' cars is in need of repairs. I don't know why I just told you that but I did. So take it.

English- I had a conference with my professor and she praised the writing I've done so far and loves it! So I felt special and was all "aww shucks!" And I have semi friends in that class. And they're lefties like me! Long live left handed people!

French- I continue to get A's. Nuff said. But I have to present a critique of a french short film and because it's my luck it has to do with circumcision. Umm. Awkward?

Math- I get A's on the quizzes! And I've been doing my homework. And I just took a test, and I felt confident. I don't want to jinx it though. So I don't know...

Popular Literature- (Which has nothing to do with reading, it's a film class). I finally got my essay back after out of like the 25 people in there I was the only one she forgot to grade their essay for, just my luck huh? I got a B on it. Ugh I don't know.

Anthropology- I should really study hardcore for the final. Nuff said.

So I went with my new adviser and talked with her. I've got my classes chosen and I will eventually be able to enroll! And I turned in the little paper to switch my major. So changes are coming.

I will have another volunteer event thing on Saturday...hopefully this one isn't a disappointment.

Grumpy Cat

Grumpy Cat.

For those of you that know me, you know my obsession over 'Grumpy Cat.' Seriously, I'm not much of a cat person but I'd love to own her. Yes she is a lady. A female. Not a guy. Get over it people. Her name is Tartar Sauce, shortened to 'Tard' while I don't exactly like that she's called Tard because I feel she deserves more respect, her full name is adorable. She is adorable.

Her looks of disappointment and hatred make my days. She accurately describes the way I feel about the world. And I love looking through hundreds of memes about her. I never get tired of it. There are just no words for how adorable I think she is. Seriously!

I'm even considering making a twitter and instagram and all that just so I can follow Grumpy Cat. Life would be so much better if everyone instead of trying to be fake nice simply let their grumpy out. I know I do. >;)

It's great.

Whoever I marry will have to accept Grumpy Cat and we'll go searching the world for our own little grumpy cat. And we'll all be one big grumpy family.

That's her brother! ^^

My birthday's coming up and if I was to have a party or something I would definitely make it grumpy themed. I can't get enough of it! Maybe I have a problem! But truth is no f**ks were given.

Well may your days be full of grumpy moments!

Awkward (The TV Show)

So I guess it really was like two years ago when I first watched this show. Now it's on MTV...and before you judge. It actually isn't like the other crap on there. The only things I watch on MTV are Awkward and Teen Wolf and any other random stuff that may or may not be good. But that's only occasionally and I haven't done it recently.

Why did I start watching Awkward? Well because of the title and the previews it showed when it first came out seemed to spark my interest. A show about a high schooler living awkward situations. That sounds like my life! Of course it's not but there are still plenty of awkward moments in it that I love.

The first season dealt with the main character, Jenna Hamilton receiving a letter that basically told her she sucked and needed to change or she might as well go die. Following that she had an accident that to everyone else seemed like it had been a suicide attempt even though it really wasn't. It also dealt with her falling for a guy and losing it to him. He was a good guy, except for the fact that he was embarrassed to be seen with her.

The second season revolved around her growing relationship with said guy and his best friend. Eventually she had to choose between those two along with issues from school, family, and other classmates.

Now the third season has started and she has seemingly made a choice between the two guys. And she's now a junior in HS. And she's growing up, bigger issues are happening.

The show isn't the most amazing thing to ever happen but it is still really funny and better than lots of crap on TV. I would recommend it.

I give the show 3.5 out of 5 stars. Oh and the main character blogs. Which is actually a big part of the overall show. Kudos to them for having a blogging character.

Decisions

This ultimate decision kind of just sprung out on me randomly last week. I don't even know how or why exactly. But for the past semester (year if we're being honest) I haven't been too happy about my plans. I still want to be a doctor more than anything and I'll work my butt off to get to that endgoal. But my major. It was something I chose because I had it stuck in my head no matter how much I dislike it.

And then I realized I don't need to go down the yellow brick road to get to the Emerald City. I can go whatever damn path I'd like. And still be able to get there. And that's what I plan to do. But this led me to having a couple of sleepless nights and plenty of thinking and deciding and choosing.

And I've made a decision. I really hope it's for the best. I do feel like it is, and already I feel some pressure leaving me. I'm ready to tackle this new decision head on. And yesterday I started doing just that. I took a deep breath and went in person to talk to someone that could help me out.

And I've scheduled an appointment for Friday so after that I'll let y'all know how it goes.

I'm scared, nervous and a little excited.

But I want to do this. And I will do what I can.

Wish me luck.

Clichés

While working on my story One For All, a topic that is always on my mind is clichés. We all know them. We all love or hate them. And some of us even live them. (I'm determined that my life is the first 30 mins of  a romantic comedy where nothing happens and I lament at how terrible my life is, I wish I could get past those 30 mins).

Anyways. Clichés. I'd like to think I'm actually not that harsh about them. I have a rule, if I know a story is a cliché I will not automatically toss it aside. I will give it a chance and then decide if I like it or not. Clichés are clichés for a reason. They've happened, they are happening and they will happen. They aren't going away any time soon. So might as well get used to it. I don't like people when they automatically state they hate clichés and begin insulting a writer's writing for it because if they're thinking like that then everything has already been told and written. Everything would be a cliché. Everything is a cliché by those standards.

I think it is okay to write stories with cliché elements as long as they're a new twist on old tales. Put some twists make it original, and memorable. That's my advice.

With that being said one of the main subplots in my story is the old best friends falling for each other. And from the very beginning I knew this was a clichéd idea so I instantly planned how I wanted to go about this and make it different. Make it my own. And I've come up with an endgoal that is quite the twist to the story so everything I do will lead to that and I will try to make it unique.

And I do enjoy some clichés simply because if we think about it, they are clichés for a reason. They're popular and well liked. Because the ideas are good.

With that being said I do hate when something because popular and then it's like its been fed steroids and suddenly everyone is writing and reading them. Harry Potter came out and suddenly everyone wanted to believe magic was real. Twilight hit and then everyone wanted sparkly vampires and werewolves who fall in love with babies. Hunger Games happened and now everyone's interested in the future of our world and just how we will all eliminate each other. It happens and while I don't mind the ones that started the craze I hate the craze that follows.

Like seriously? Can't we get over them and find other things to read?

(Holi) Day

On Saturday I did something that was actually cool and diverse! :D

My university held an event called Holi. It's an actual Hindu holiday. It is a festival of colors to celebrate Spring. And it was actually really cool.

It's taken me till near the end of my first year of college to finally have gone to a college event that wasn't disappointing and the best part it was free!

And there was food!

Free food!

So what it was, we got a free white t-shirt and sunglasses. We got our Indian food and ate it (it was delicious). Then we went on a tarp and we flung colored powder at each other.

Just threw it at everyone and anyone, and it got messy. Now this happened on 4/20. The potheads "holiday."

On a day to smoke weed I went out and played with powder. And got super messy.

And I don't regret it. It was something that was totally different and really cool. I'm glad went and I plan to go every year. My clothes and shoes are kind of ruined so I need to wash those and hopefully it comes off.
Afterwards my friend and I went to our respective homes and took long showers. To scrub the mess away. And then we went to starbucks.

Going to Starbucks we spent like three hours there trying to figure out our schedules and plan for the next coming months. Things are changing semi rapidly. And I realized I have to be ready for the changes that are coming.

But a nice day spent nonetheless.

This picture in essence captures how epic Holi is. I recommend that anyone do it if they ever get the chance.

Last Friday Night

Last Friday Night....

I wish this was a post how I had some crazy Friday night a la Katy Perry. But nope. Last Friday I did nothing, and this Friday I did nothing as well.

I have a specific (not really) routine for Fridays. Fridays are days when everything catches up to me. I've done just about everything for the week and I'm fully ready to embrace the weekend. Not that I ever do much right? But still. I like not having to go to school.

Thankfully I get out early on Fridays. I go home and I sometimes eat a quick snack/small lunch if I haven't eaten throughout the day. Or if I'm feeling stupid I'll lay on the couch for a bit and pass out. And lo and behold the evening will be upon me.

Now lately, I like to write in the evenings, or finish my homework (this rarely happens). Friday nights are dedicate to me downloading music as well. (Legally).

And I think I'm getting old because I pass out before midnight on Fridays.

In conclusion. I need a life.

My Top Five Youtubers

This was just a random idea and I figured why not.
5. Cimorelli.

These are apparently six fricken talented sisters. Three out of six of them are hot too. Just sayin' the others are too young so nooo not hot. But there's a 21 year old, a 20, 18, 16, 13 (she looks 16) and an 11 year old. All six have great voices and they really know how to harmonize, and it's great to listen to. It's fun watching them and they talk at the end of their videos and they have great chemistry with each other. It makes me chuckle and I've only recently discovered them so I'll keep listening to their angelic voices.

4. acarrmusic.

This is another guy singer. His voice is different from the stuff I've heard so I like looking up his covers. I'd get chicks with that voice. It's just very soft and chill. I stumbled upon his videos by accident because I was looking up a song and he was a suggested video. So I clicked and I'm a fan now.


3. Sam Tsui.

This guy...this guy. Has a great voice. I'd kill for his singing voice because then I'd get all the ladies. He does amazing covers and my favorites are the mashups he does. Ahh. I don't even know how to describe them.
I think I stumbled upon him by accident one day long ago while looking up random covers. And boom! I became an instant fan. It's people like him that I feel bad because they aren't more famous. Why not? They obviously have talent. I will continue to watch his videos and spread the word for him. He deserves it. And he can play piano. Pretty dang cool.

2. Jenna Marbles.

Not a singer. But damn is she amazing. And she's hilarious! I watch her videos almost every Wednesday  the day she uploads a new one. She's great. And she's fricken gorgeous. I love her. And I love her little dogs. A friend told me about her and I've been in love ever since! The first one I watched was Cooking with Sarah Palin. And I loved her with her boyfriend Max. But they broke up. So that's awkward. Especially cause they were an awesome duo.

1. llSuperwomanll.

"Lilly" is like the Indian Jenna Marbles. I love her. I don't even know how to properly express my love for her. She is gorgeous as well and sooo funny. One of my friends told me about her and I do not nor will I ever regret looking her up. Oh gosh. She's perfect. She knows what's up. And her taste in t-shirts is perfect. And she's made a Harry Potter cake!! And it was the most amazing thing ever! And I love when she pretends to be her mom and her dad. Check it out. Amazing.

*Bonus*
0. Unrequited Devotion.
My friend K.

She posts random videos here and there and I love them. She has made a trailer for some of her books that she's writing. Pretty good! I love them!

3 More Songs

Here are 3 more songs I recommend to everyone to listen to it. I'm seriously in love with all three songs. There are no words to describe how much I love them.

1. Clarity by Zedd (Feat. Foxes).

I actually came across this song when looking through a youtuber's account of their song covers that they do. He sang a certain line and I was like wow that sounds deep. So I looked up the song. And BAM! I'm in love with it.

With lyrics like "cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need," "if our love is tragedy why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity why are you my clarity?" Come on! Ah!! There are no words to describe how much I love those lines. AHH! It's just a perfect song. A love song that's catchy as hell and it's a good song to dance to! Listen to it! And love it!

2. Demons by Imagine Dragons.

Come on it's Imagine Dragons.

I saw this song paired with clips from a favorite TV show of mine. And by the end of the video not only was I gushing over how incredible the song is and how I hadn't realized just how much I loved it, but I was also excited for the TV show to come back on.

"When the days are cold, and the cards all fold, and the saints we see are all made of gold....I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you, but with the beast inside there's no where we can hide, no matter what we breed, we still are made of greed, this is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come....it's where my demons hide."

OMFG. How much deep could you get? I bow down to Imagine Dragons. Seriously if you're reading this post look the songs. Don't miss out.


3. Calls Me Home by Shannon Labrie.

This song I saw with a video montage of Harry Potter and their final words during the premiere of Deathly Hallows Part 2.

And I can proudly say I cried watching the video. It reminded me of what a huge part of my life Harry Potter was, is and always will be.

And the song is beyond beautiful. Even without the video. It's soo calming and relaxing. "It's funny how the walk of life can take you down without a fight. To realize the moment when you turn around, I'm coming home. To breathe again, to start again. I'm coming home from all the places I have been with nothing but a voice within." Umm, I'm sorry but if that's not deep then I don't know what is. And the woman's voice is beautiful. I pictured my future and how I'll move on and knowing that I'll always have my home with my parents and sister. It was bittersweet to listen to. And it really got me thinking.

These songs have helped my writing flow. And wow. I truly love the songs. Just listen to them.

One Reason As To Why Sometimes I Dislike People

This next post is not meant to be at all offending. It's just me stating my opinion.

Now the Boston Marathon explosion. That was horrible and sad and scary. I hope the guilty ones are brought to justice and I hope the ones that are affected by this find some peace and things get better for them.

With that said, sometimes I hate the world when these types of things happen.

Because when something bad happens, yes I think we should all come together as a community, as people who all have lives, and hopes and dreams. We should come together.

But what I hate is when suddenly everyone acts like its a huge deal in their lives. They'll post things on Facebook, Twitter, and plenty of other social media sites. "My heart goes out...this is horrible...I hope those A-holes are caught..." etc. And then they get like a bajillion likes. Well not literally a bajillion. Just a lot. And they couldn't sound any more fake.

A lot of times the people that post these things are the (excuse my language) bitches and douches that treat others in their lives like crap. So why the hell are they acting like they suddenly care about people they didn't know? Every time someone commits suicide they freak out and start talking about how much they knew the person and the person will be missed.

Oh really? You were friends with them? Oh tell me where were you when they were having suicidal thoughts? Where were you when they were being bullied? Weren't you one of those people that couldn't care less for them when they were alive? Now that they're dead what good does it do them to act like you care about them?

I hate that sooo much. I feel like it's a horrible disrespect to the people that passed. Don't insult their image.

And when a shooting or bombing happens these people act like they care and it's just changed their lives. You didn't know the victims, you weren't even near the place it happened. So don't act like you care when you'll just post a status to get likes and then go on with your life partying and being retarded. Because it obviously didn't affect you.

Now that's not to say this is everyone. I understand that there are people that were genuinely affected by this.

But for the ones that weren't don't act fake and don't pretty much spit on the memories of these people.

Especially for attention. That is selfish and disgusting behavior. And now my rant is done.

 These are the candles for the people that are injured and the people that lost their lives and their loved ones. Because they all deserve respect even if idiots try to ruin it with their selfish thinking.

Storm of Life

This poem was actually created from a dark and cloudy day after it had rained for days. So it wasn't raining anymore, and I was looking outside at the aftermath of the rainy days. And this is what I created:

Storm of Life

The end began
with a drop. Soon
it all rushed down
and wiped away
the pain, the joy
the memories.
The sound
brought
frightening
elements
and calming words.
The touch approached
with loving embraces and
anxious hits. The world,
the town, the people, they
all fell at it's mercy. Some
exclaimed with anger
others with joy. The
beginning ended
with a drop.

Loving to Hope and Hoping to Love

This is another old poem of mine.

When writing it I pictured a storyline to it.

And it deals with the POV of two different people who love each other.

The Girl:
             Day by day,
             I look out into
             the crowd,
             hoping, wishing
             that one of the
             faces that I see
             is the one for
                    me.

The Boy:
             Night after night,
             I think of her,
             I hope that
             she'll be mine.
             After so much
             pain, I finally
             feel love for
             her, but I'm
             left hoping,
             wishing
             she'll love
                 me.

How Can You?

This is an old poem of mine.

How Can You?

How can you
    look at me and not see me?
How can you
     hear me and not listen to me?
How can you
     say you know me when you don't?
How can you
      say you love me when you
Don't realize how much
      I love you.

I know I'm behind on posts, so I'm just going to have poems for a little bit.

This one wasn't really written about anyone in particular but it came from writing a short story where the love was between friends and was unrequited love. Ahh the age old issue.


So thoughts on it?

This is the month of poems so I figured I'd take advantage of that.

Disappointed

On Friday I went to Relay for Life at my school. It was a club event. So I signed up to go with  my club. And I registered and paid my fee. I was actually really excited. For those of you that don't know what it is, it was basically a walk-a-thon for cancer. It was from 6 in the afternoon to 6 in the morning. I had planned to stay the whole night. I was ready and I was pumped!

And I hate that I always do this. I'm a negative person, yett for certain things I always seem to have positive expectations and I hope for the best. Especially when it comes to school events. Maybe it's because I'm a romantic deep down, but I always picture these events going in one direction and they never go anywhere near that direction.

So I got there 15 mins early and went to sign in. Because of my luck they couldn't find our club on the list and they had to look online and their internet was down so I was waiting for over 15 mins. And once I was let in no one else from my club was there. So I sat on a bench for like an hour till some of them arrived. Now I'm a freshman, and one of the few freshman in our club so everyone else there was a junior. I asked them if they were going to stay the whole night. "Nope, no, hell no, ha! No" is what they all said.

But my best friend was coming and we had both planned on staying the whole night so I was like whatever. She got there and as it went on everyone from our club left without saying goodbye and we hadn't even had a spot reserved because the admins of our club hadn't gone to the Relay meetings.

And maybe it was just because I was in a sour mood but really it didn't seem like an event for cancer. Cancer was really focused on for like 15 min. And it really seemed like just one big party for clubs/Frats/Sororities to get together and have fun. And that wouldn't have been so bad if our club had actually done that. While we didn't even have a spot or people, other clubs had brought tons of food and games and tents and pillows and blankets and it was all really cool and awesome looking.

And I can't help but hate how out of over 200 clubs I seemed to have picked the worst one. And these people are the future health professionals. Yet they can't even get things straight for a school event.

Needless to say we didn't stay the whole night. And so there I was home before midnight.

My parents laughed at me. A lot.

So another event ruined and disappointed.

But I gotta say I'm glad people showed up and I know money was raised for cancer and the moments dedicated to it were powerful. So that was the one good thing.

Growing Up

"When I grow up I want to be doctor," said the 18 soon to be 19 year old.

^^ That's me. It's awkward saying "when I grow up" because I'm 18. 18 year olds are considered much more mature, young adults. But I really don't feel old. I don't, I still have some friends I talk to that are in HS.   I went with friends to play laser tag over spring break for crying out loud. I'm not an adult.

I don't want to grow up. It's scary. There's so much to handle and do. So many responsibilities. I don't want to deal with that just yet. Believe it or not, call me crazy, but I don't want to move out of my house yet. Simply because I know I'm not ready. I don't have a job or a car, what the hell would be the point of me moving out?

Sure sometimes my parents can be frustrating but they love me, and I've got a good thing going for me right now, why fix what isn't broke ya know? And yeah I'll admit it, if I'm living at home, free food, free laundry, TV, internet, phone etc. Tons of benefits! I'm fine for now. And I do love spending time with my family, sue me for not being an average teen who can't stand his parents or sibling(s). That's not to say I don't find them annoying sometimes. We all do.

A lot of my friends are out getting jobs, dropping out of college, getting married, having babies, moving out and doing all these crazy and wild things. I don't understand how that happens, I'm not judging but I really don't envy them. It's just weird thinking of a friend that I grew up with moving out, or getting married. We aren't even that old. Just barely 18-20. I personally think they all need to calm their tits. Pardon my language.

I guess this is why I love the story of Peter Pan, the boy who refused to grow up. It's an intriguing thought, but somehow I think society wouldn't accept it, and rather than thinking what a cute boy, they'd think what an immature loser.

Now that's not to say I don't want to grow up ever. I do, just not right at this moment in time. I want to enjoy life, I want it to slow down, because I'm not ready. I know eventually one day I will be ready, but until then I don't wanna!

Makin' A Video

As most of you probably know I am writing a story/book whatever it may turn out to be. It is at 75 pages right now. And I couldn't be happier. It's at 75 pages and I'm not even halfway done with it, so I am on cloud 9. And I've actually been getting readers! People actually like it and comment on it! It's always nice to have people take the time to read my stuff so I'm fricken happy.

Nothing can bring me down from this high! Well except for a long list of things, but you know what I mean.
I'm really pleased with the way my story is going and the fact that I can manage time to write. It makes me a very happy Panda.

So to celebrate Wednesday night I did something I had never done before. After like an hour of looking up ways to make a video, I decided to try to give it a go. Using Windows Live Movie Maker, nothing too exciting or extreme. So I started tinkering with things here and there.

And then when I was going to make it I realized I had to figure out exactly what kind of people I imagined my characters would be. More importantly what actors/actresses I would use.

So that took some thinking and more time (at this point HW was completely forgotten). So I narrowed it down and decided I would try making character trailers. So I choose two of my characters and made a trailer for them. It took a lot of work, and it's not perfect at all. And I didn't even really make it, I just took scenes and mashed them together. And added music to it and called it an accomplishment.

After I was done I stashed it deep within my laptop's memory. It will probably never see the light of day, but I can say I made a character trailer and I'll feel accomplished no matter what. I'll probably watch it from time to time. To inspire me.

And one thing I noticed afterwards was how exhausting it is. I applaud the people that make videos. Never again will I underestimate it. And I didn't even do a lot of work. But I was exhausted. I was happy, and pleased and ready for bed.

Side Note: As mentioned in one of my previous posts, I love the song  She Will Be Loved and that is the song I used. I'm a very happy Mexican. :)

Scott

This post is titled Scott. Named after me. No I'm not being self centered when I named it Scott. But I can't believe I haven't done it yet, but let's talk about my name. Scott.


Obviously it comes from Scottish roots. There's no doubt about it. In fact I'd be shocked if it came from Spanish roots or something. But no its Scottish. Note, I am not Scottish, no one in my family is and although I can never truly be 100%  certain I highly doubt my ancestors were Scottish.


I'm Mexican. Born in America. I'm American.


I wish I could say there's so epic cool story behind my name. But...there isn't. My mom really liked the name Scott and the way it rolled off her crazy Mexican tongue (don't tell her I said that) and my dad was forced to accept her wishes because she was the one with the kid in her belly for 8 months (I was impatient and didn't stay in the whole 9 months) and hell if she wasn't going to name her firstborn whatever the hell she wanted.

I guess I'm glad because I could have been named some horribly stereotypical Mexican name like Tito or Pepe. Or even something horrible like Bendover. Bendover Tello....Get it? ....Whatever I thought it was funny. Anyways point being I'd rather be a Scott than a Bendover.


My name creates me and I recreate my name. Sure there's tons of Scotts. But how many of them are Mexican?

Sure there's tons of sassy, hilarious Mexicans but how many of them are named Scott? I love my name and embrace it.


My mom wanted me to stand out and be different. Break the stereotypes. And that's exactly what I try to do.
And one day when my dreams are fulfilled you'll all know that one Mexican named Scott. And think to yourself that's a hell of a guy, he's one of a kind.

Am I being hopeful? Yeah but why not?

It's who I am. I am Scott.

A Cold Spring's Day

When the flowers are meant to bloom...

    When the birds are supposed to sing...

         When the sun is expected to shine....

In Reno it doesn't.

    Reno doesn't follow the rules.

And I love it.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today was a cold day.

The snow was falling...

The rain fell at one point...

The sun hid and the clouds were out.

And I wouldn't have it any other way, if you know me you know how much I love cold weather so I was bundled up in my hoodie today.

This isn't a poem. But it isn't a regular old post.

Just something different. I suppose.

Why?

Sometimes it's a fine day.
Nothing bad. Nothing good.
But inside I'm not okay.
Inside I'm screaming.
Inside I'm crying until the tears do come out.
Inside I beg for help.
Outside I smile.
Inside I overthink everything.
Outside I smile.
Inside I feel alone.
Outside I'm not.
Inside I'm broken.
Inside I'm broken and angry.
Inside I'm broken and sad.
Inside I'm not me. But I am.
And all that's left to say is
Why?

Happiness

The pursuit of happiness. Something that is sometimes lost and forgotten. We continue to live without seeking our happiness. Instead we go and do things and jobs that may not be what we'd like but what we have to do. We don't do as much as we can for our body and health.

Wealth and health are two big aspects that can correlate to happiness. Some people may find happiness in their life through being 'filthy rich' while others are their happiest in knowing that they're healthy and may live to see another day.

Why do some people find happiness in money when there is a very popular saying that states the opposite? Perhaps its because the money provides a safety blanket. It reassures them. Money whispers to them at night  and makes all these types of promises.

Health offers them a chance to live again. Health promises that things will be better again. Health makes sure that they're well enough to carry on.

People think they need wealth in order to be happy, but what if we all suddenly realized that it should be a part of our lives, but it should not be our whole world? What would people do when it comes to seeking happiness?

What do we all seek in life?

Financial stability. Health. True love. Friends. Family. A home. Education and knowledge. Chasing our dreams. It seems like people stop chasing their dreams and stop pursuing happiness when life hits them. There are things that make us face reality. But why should we give up on being happy? Why can't we do what we must and what we want? We should find a way to accomplish this.

I think if we started off small it'd help. Why can't we find the beauty and happiness in the small things? The sun is out and hits our faces as we wake up. Let's be thankful. We get to go to school and see our friends let's make the best of it no matter what kind of day it turns out to be. We see the trees blooming around campus or our neighbor, stop for a little, take in the natural beauty. We get to see our family one day more, let's enjoy them because we all leave this earth eventually. So why not leave with a bang and knowing that we accomplished our dreams, that we lived and not only that but we lived a happy life. Why not? Why not leave this world in knowing that we made sure our loved ones knew exactly how we felt about them? Why not spreading a little light while we still can in hopes that one day our world will be brighter? And when we leave, we will have spread some happiness that will be spread among others who in turn can continue to inspire and spread it as well.

Health

Health. In high school we are required to take a class called Health (at least I hope you are because if I was, then you should all be required as well). In this class we learn things from our skeletal system to the damage alcohol does to our bodies to the ole "if you have sex, you will get pregnant and die." Perhaps it's not as severe as that. But we learn all of these things.

When we're little our parents teach us to brush our teeth so they'll clean and healthy. To drink our milk 'cause it builds strong bones. To eat our veggies so we can grow big and strong. Get at least 8 hours of sleep. To not spend so much time in front of the TV screen or else our eye sight will go to hell. And if you're Mexican you get things like don't go outside without a sweater because you'll catch a cold, don't eat watermelon after 7 pm and don't drink milk or eat anything with lactate in it after eating watermelon because you will get diarrhea. I know I know.

It's all these warnings that we grow up with in order to stay healthy. And if we listen to them we will never get sick. Now who's to say this actually works because let's be honest, we break all those rules.  So maybe if we followed them we'd have a healthy life?

I have lived a pretty healthy life I'm happy to say (knock on wood! I don't want to curse myself). I have only been in the hospital once as a patient. And it was terrible. I had "appendicitis," now I put quotation marks because later it turned out it wasn't my appendix but my colon. But I'll get to that in a little bit.

I remember that event very clearly, it was very near the end of my freshman year in high school and it started on a Saturday. We had gone over to my uncle's house in Fernley for a family party. And it was all fun and games and I was actually introduced to my future dog Nala at that party. It was a good day. And I remember that night on the drive back home my side was bothering me. I told my mom about it and she asked if I wanted medicine. I refused because up until then I had never actually had pain meds before. So I went to bed that night assuming it'd be over the next day.

Sunday came and it got worse so I took my first Tylenol. And it subsided for a few hours and I ate a little bit of breakfast although I wasn't feeling hungry. I went to bed feeling terrible and I tossed and turned all night barely sleeping because the pain was killing me. Monday I woke up and struggled to get up and I still planned to go to school. Once in the shower I kind of broke down and started crying from the pain. So after my shower my mom asked if I was ready to go to the hospital and I nodded.

I'm not going to lie, it was my first time with something this bad and this big. I was scared. So I was the kid in the waiting room of the ER sitting in between both his parents holding their hands. I had appendicitis. Or so they thought. So I stayed in the hospital for three days, lost some [noticeable] weight because they had been prepping me for a surgery that never happened. It was horrible, it was painful, it was sad. And after getting out I was wary for a few days afterwards.

The point being I think we all underestimate our health. We do things to our bodies that we don't even think twice about. We don't realize the impact that it has on us and will most likely have on our futures. When we think of happiness I'm sure being healthy does come across but only after a few other things like for example wealth.

But maybe health should be one of our bigger wishes. We can't be wealthy or happy if we're dead right?

Wealth

What is it about us that seeks wealth? We want to be financially stable right? The media and pop culture shows us how glamorous it can all be. We can have everything we could ever want. The latest trends and technologies are all expensive. And wealth can provide us with the newest Play Station, the best iPhone, the coolest computers, trendiest clothes and best cars. Who doesn't want this life?

There is a difference between being rich and being financially stable. The question would be what would we want to be? I'm not claiming to be perfect, and even I have to admit the idea of being wealthy sounds amazing. I would never have to worry about financial issues. It'd be amazing.

And if I was rich I know I would want to help others. I would buy my parents a house and make sure they'd never have to work again and I'd pay for my sister's schooling to make sure her butt has no excuses for not going to school. I'd help my grandparents, well my grandma. I would honestly give to charity. And if I was financially stable enough I'd love to adopt some kids. It'd be awesome.

I want to be a doctor, not for the money aspect of it, but for so much more. And hopefully I do become a doctor, and hopefully I am very stable in money to being a little wealthy, I'd do whatever I could to help.

What are dreams that you dream about if you had the money?

As much as I would love to have money, I also acknowledge just how terrible it's become. And maybe it's not even the money's fault. It's people that ruin it, like with religion, the way people act for money. What people do for money, it's crazy and scary. When they say money buys happiness, I'm a true believer that that is a lie. Sure it can soften hardships, but can we ever really be truly happy with money?

I don't think so. Money isn't something that should create our ultimate happiness for ourselves. When did we lose the touch in finding happiness in the simple things, when did we cross the line into owning the latest gadgets and clothes and thus being happy. That is not how we should be.

I think we need to appreciate wealth, and the wealthy should do more with their money other than ensuring they stay wealthy. But I also think we shouldn't let it control us.

Listen[er,ing,ed]

How many of you have that one friend you always go to if you ever just want to talk and have someone listen? Someone who listens intently and will give you the best advice they can give.

Yeah? I love those people.

And I'd honestly like to think that I'm one of those people. I try to be the best friend I can be. I really do. Sometimes I'm sure I fail at it, and I make mistakes or I may say things that turn out to be offensive, or I start to sound like a dad or something.

You know the friend that says "no don't go out tonight, stay in, don't do drugs, stay in school, I'll help you with homework as long as it's not math or science," yeah I'm that guy. I don't do it to nag, I do it because I genuinely care, if I didn't offer someone advice on doing the right thing it'd be because I don't care enough. But when I do it's really because I care. 

I want to be the type of friend that anyone can come to and they'll have an ear willing to listen, and a shoulder to lean on. In the past I've had people insinuate that they think I'll judge because I don't do anything that would be frankly make my life interesting :p I'm a pretty boring person, sort of nerdy and always trying to stay out of trouble.

But I swear I don't judge people, I will listen and provide the best advice I can. I wouldn't judge because frankly I'm not perfect and I'm no one, I'd have no right in judging.

I love listening to people, because it makes me feel like I can help them even if it's a little bit, I make their day a tiny bit better and I love feeling like I was good for something.

I feel accomplished when I'm able to help and be a good friend. At least I hope I'm a good friend and a great listener.

I also appreciate the people who do listen to me. They have no idea how much it means to me. I love them.

I used to be more open, but through the years I don't open up as much, so the people I do go to I hope they feel special because they are.

Reaching Out Online

Today I think I made a huge [small] step. No it has nothing to do with school, or anything too life changing.

Now I have friends and I know people that use the internet as a means of getting to know others. Dating sites and such. I've never done any of that because it has never caught my attention. And I don't think I'll do it any time soon. I mean I don't even add people on Facebook that I don't know. I'm like the son that would make Little Red Riding Hood's mom feel proud. No strangers for me.

So on the site that I have been posting my story, One For All on, I've been trying to get random people to read it, I want people to read my story. So I'll comment on theirs, or ask them to check out my story and whatnot.

I look for random people that I feel would reply or would take the time of day to read my story.

And one of those people replied to me...

And we started talking...

Like legit conversations.

Now I'm not saying we're bffs or we're soulmates. None of that.

But it was really cool for me to reach out of my comfort zone and do something unexpected.

And I realized one of the big reasons why I don't search for random people online is because I don't trust people. I'm always going to be conflicted whether the person is real or not, who they are, where they live, how can I truly be honest of what they tell me, etc. It's something that would always be in the back of my head.

I barely even trust people I do know. I only really truly trust a handful of people.

But I made a friend today. And it was pretty awesome, and if she is being honest (and maybe it's me being naive or my romanticized view on life) but if its true then she's from Scotland. And I don't know about you but that's fricken insane and awesome.

How wonderful that the internet gives us the power to make friends from literally across the world.

So maybe people should focus on the good things that the internet can bring to our lives. It's not all bad.

Poetry

So this post was for yesterday!

Poetry.

I love poetry. It's something magical and powerful. It's like another language. I wish I was better at writing it then I am. But I try. I enjoy reading more though. There is something about it all that intrigues me. It's a very honest form of stating things. There are no pretenses, there are no lies. You simply just say what you want to say. The trick and crux of it is that you say it in a different way. You don't make it easy for the reader, you say what you want without just saying it. It's complex.

Poetry is used to express oneself. You write a poem to a loved one telling them how much you love them. I used to write my mom poems for Mother's Day and her birthday. They'd consist of something like "roses are red, violets are blue and I love you."  And through the years they'd get more complex on how I appreciate everything she does for me and she's the best mom ever. Now I just write her letters. Just as deep, not quite so hard.

If I had a girlfriend I'd write her love poems every once in a while. But I don't. So whatever. Ladies it's your loss. :p

One thing though I hated analyzing poems in English because I'd always interpret it one way, and it'd turn out to be something completely different. But that's the life of any student right?

I love reading some of my friends'  poems. They write beautifully.

I love how there is a poem for just about anything. All we have to do is go out there and look for it. Or hey write it yourselves.

And April is the month of poetry, so maybe later on this month there will be some new poems. Keep an eye out yeah?