The One In Which I Spend Some Time Thinking

I tend to always be thinking about something or someone and blah. My mind never leaves me alone. I wish it did but it does not. Sometimes I feel like its my enemy.

Anyways this post marks the first I've ever done on my phone. I always do them on my laptop. But there's a first time for everything right?

What can I say about today? I woke up and took a shower and got ready and thought about how spring break is ending. I refused to eat breakfast for no real legit reason. And I didn't eat dinner last night. Huh. Cray Cray.

Today we went and visited my grandma and took her out. It was nice. It was really nice. It was a good day. But I kept thinking about my grandpa. And how much I miss him. And how things have changed. And I hate it.

But the one good thing that came out of it was that it was an enjoyable day. It started to feel like things could go back to normal with taking my grandma out and not being depressed about my grandpa. It gives me hope for the future.

I miss him though. And I still see things that remind me of him.

I ran into a friend at the store and it was a pleasant surprise. And I also went and got an application for Barnes & Nobles. Wish me luck.

I spent some time today evaluating myself as a person. And I came to the conclusion that things need to change. More on that some other day.

Then I got into an argument with someone and honestly it ruined my whole day. I stayed cooped up in my room afterwards not texting anyone or talking to anyone.

And its times like that when I start overthinking. And its stupid of me. But I beat myself up (mentally not physically)
And I basically have a pity party for myself. And I get lonely...no other way to describe it.

And I start hoping and wishing that someone would sense that I'm feeling crappy and they'd text me. Or call and then I'd have someone telling me it'd all be ok.

Once upon a time when I felt like this I would try to talk to someone. And I'd tell.them my problems. But as time went on I figured that I was annoying people and once it blew up in my face. So I stopped opening up. And for the longest time I didnt go to anyone. I kept it all inside.

And now every once in a while I'll talk. But for the most part I just keep it locked inside while I think about it and dark thoughts run through my head.

But I'm fine. I'll be fine. And I know if I keep telling myself that I will be.

And for now I'm just thankful for this blog. I can pour my feelings into it and I don't have to burden anyone with my petty issues.