Times Flies Okay!?

Times flies. And anyone who argues with me gets a death glare from me. -__-

I swear didn't I just blog about starting spring semester a few weeks ago? And yes it was. But Jan-Feb-and March just seemed to mold together to one big, quick month. What happened?

Let's take a look back at everything that's happened.

Jan-

Started second semester.
Made zero new friends.
No girlfriend.
Grades are good.
Sister's birthday.

Feb-
14 Days of Love.
Started writing One For All.

March-
Spring Break!
Hung out with friends.
Watched movies.
Continued writing.
Grades are good.
Nothing else!

So nothing too huge has happened. Oh and Lent came and went. And it's Easter today.

Now I have to get my shit together and keep my grades up to prepare for Finals.

It's almost summer. Wow. I don't know about you people but sometimes I don't like just how fast everything happens. I like taking things nice and slow. Unless it's testing, that can speed like hell for all I care.

And I can't believe I forgot! But before summer, I do have something major coming up. My birthday :o

Whatever. Hahaha. Just kidding. I won't even be in school it'll already technically be summer. So I'm probably gonna curl up in some Hobbit hole.

It's crazy that I'm almost done with my Freshman year in college. A year ago I was stressing over the end of HS. And now that's all behind me. It makes me sad that things speed by. A few months turn into a year and then a few years. And suddenly life has changed, everything is different. I just hope it'll all be good different. I don't mind change, but I do miss the way things used to be. Oh well.

So I guess my final concluding thought would be to just enjoy what time we do have and make the best of it.

Classical

I love music. Of all kinds. Except rap and heavy metal. Leave me alone. But I gotta say the old soul in me is madly in love with classical music. One of the reasons why I wanted to play violin and stuck with it for years. I love classical music.

I love listening to the lyrics in songs, and especially feeling them when they relate. But classical music, it has no need for lyrics. No words are spoken and even though the words aren't spoken, words are heard. At least to me they are.

Classical music is wonderful, powerful and magical. I have no doubts about this. There's something about it that makes me grin like an idiot, or weep like an old sap. I love how it can make us feel strong emotions without needing the words there. Because we create the words, we morph the song into our own. Classical music becomes something personal to us all because it becomes our song. It becomes everyones' song.

The years may pass, trends may come and go, my likes and dislikes shift, but classical music is always there, it's always the same simply because it's always different. That's confusing I know, but hear me out. Because of the fact that it morphs into our songs it becomes what we may need, what we may want.

The music can bring joy and memories, or it can help ease the sorrow we feel inside. We can relate to it.

Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven is one of my favorites. It's dark and moody and full of sorrow, and hope, and it has at times in my life made me cry. But I love it all the same.

I love happy songs as well like Fur Elise, but if you know me, you know I dig the dark and depressing. Call me a masochist. But I do.

I'm currently listening to one, called Torment of the Soul by Larry Groupe. I suggest you Youtube this. I thank my friend for using it in one of her trailers she made because she introduced me to it. It's a dark and beautiful song. There are no words to describe how amazing it is.

Listen to it. Listen to classical music! I think people don't appreciate it as much as they should. But I'm content in knowing that I do appreciate it.

Ladies

Yesterday's post was dedicated to the crushes I've had through the years. Today's post is for the ladies who haven't been crushes but I love them, and they've changed my life.

For most of them, this will probably be the only time I call them ladies as I tend to call them other words. ;)

So a post about ladies, I couldn't not mention my mom.

She gave birth to me, and I love her. To me she's the most beautiful  person in the world. She's always shown me to work hard, and have compassion towards everyone else, while still putting on a smile and making other laugh no matter how she may feel. I won't get to deep into her, because there's always Mother's Day to talk about her. But I love her, and I don't know what I'd do without her.

My little sister, one of the only people that annoys the hell out of me and yet I love her more and more each day. She argues with me all of the time and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My grandmas. One of them I still have, the other I never met. But I love them both just the same.

My dogs Nala and Lola. They're like my daughters/sisters. It's weird. But they really make my days some days. Yes I consider them ladies as well. Bite me.

Now the other ladies.

O.S. Mmm. What can I say about her? She's one of my best friends. I've known her for 13 years and I hope and plan that it will be many more. She claims that I threw sand at her in first grade and that that is her first memory of me. I say that's BS because I would never do that! But I do however remember the first time we interacted way back in first grade. My first memory of her. Of course her hoe ass doesn't remember it, so none of us will ever know which one of us was right. But between you and me? I was, and am right. And always will be, anyways. She was new to our school, and she was in my first grade class. We went on a field trip to a nearby park, and we were playing Duck, Duck, Goose on the grass. When it was my turn the teacher pulled me aside and told me to choose the "new girl." So I chose her and she was the goose. I don't remember what happened after that. But I have memories of her all throughout the years. She's amazing, and we're always talking. And whoever dates her I feel sorry for them because 1, she's tough, and 2, I won't let them get between her and me. We talk every day all day. So they'll have to deal with it. I love her.

K.P. This girl. This lady. I met in her in 7th grade and I actually do remember when I tried to talk to her, and more importantly why I talked to her. It's kind of funny. We were in second period history. She had long hair. And glasses and she always had a book, and was always reading. And I admired that because I loved reading. So one day in history class I was sitting next to her and I noticed that she had the last Series of Unfortunate Events. How jealous was I? Extremely. I suck at making friends so I really remember how nervous I was, and scared to talk to her. I wanted to ask her about the book. I wanted to know! And in my mind I was already imagining us being friends and eventually her letting me borrow the book. I don't remember the exact words of our convo but it was something along the lines of me saying something like "is that the last book in the series (as if I didn't already know), and her slowly looking up from reading it, and giving me the scariest look ever. And saying "yup," and that was it. I was done for the day trying to make friends. But the greatest thing is we did become friends, we went on to have classes together through the years. And we were there for all our changes and phases. And I've watched her truly find herself. And I only wish her the best. She's one of my best friends. And that will not change, I'll make sure of it. I don't like any of the guys she shows interest in simply because I feel like they don't deserve her. She's incredible and she only deserves the very best. I love her.

A.L. This one was actually an extremely weird way of becoming friends with her. She was best childhood friends with one of my friends. And one day this friends texted me using A.L.'s phone. Unfortunately that day I hadn't felt like talking to anyone so I had actually given my phone to my parents. So all day I was phoneless. So in the afternoon when they returned it and said someone had texted me. I checked and it was my friend. I knew she probably had already left, but something possessed me to reply anyways. A.L. replied not my friend. And we started talking. And talked. And talked. And found out we had so much in common. And we became best friends. And later on we went to find out she lived like a block away from my grandma. And her grandma lived on the same street as her. And her older sister had been best friends with one of my cousins. And her mom worked at the hospital where we had spent a lot of time because of my grandpa. It was like our lives were destined to be connected. And I'm glad I sent that text that changed everything.

A.M.W. I call this girl by her middle name or when I'm feeling different by her first name. I met her in elementary school where she told everyone to call her by her middle name. In middle school and HS she told everyone to call her by her first name. Hence why I call her both. She's loud and obnoxious and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's always there when I need a shoulder to lean on, and I remember calling her piggy eyes in elementary school, because well she had piggy eyes. She's be a constant factor in my life that never changed and I really hope it never does. And despite the fact that she says she doesn't believe in love, I hope she does fall in love with someone who falls in love with her.

M.D. My favorite red head. Aside from the Weasley Family, duh. I met her in HS. She was the girl with the great taste in music. The girl who we had a three way call between us and another friend till late or actually early like three in the morning. Of course some of those times I actually fell asleep on them. For my birthday she made me a CD once. Who does that?! This girl does! It's the only CD anyone has ever made me and I treasure it, and keep it safe and it's one of my favorite because it took work and dedication and I felt like she actually poured her soul into that. And I appreciate that. Because to me it meant she cared about our friendship and I know she does. She's one of my close friends and I always love our conversations, even if she is a Negative Nancy. :p

I feel like I've forgotten some, but truth is I could probably write for a long time on which ladies changed my life, who, why and how.

But the ones mentioned above are the ones I don't want to live without. They've helped me when I'm down and helped me fly when I'm up. I love them all. Wish them the best and hope their men realize that they'll have to deal with me. Forever and ever *bursts into song*

You've Been Crushed On!

My friend came up with this as one of her posts and suggested I do my own version of it. So why not? Of course I'll try to put my own spin on it but here it is.

Past crushes. Girls I've crushed on. Oh boy.

E.L. I still remember my first crush ever. Way back in second grade. I remember the exact time period in our lives when I started liking her. We've known each other since kindergarten. We became friends. And in second grade she got the chicken pox. And everyone kept a distance from her and I remember that it hurt her feelings, but not me, for some reason that moment when people kept away from her, I wanted to be near her. I developed a crush in that moment. Now we're just pretty good friends and I love that girl. She's hilarious. And I wish her the best!

I would spend a long time thinking said girl ^^ was the best one out there, and so I didn't actually have another crush till middle school.

W.DR. She was silly, and loud and funny and exciting and different from me in middle school. She was pretty. We had some classes together. Unfortunately at the time she was also very immature so when I wrote her a letter, it was kind of a disaster. But years later we became extremely close in HS. Now we're just good friends and I wish we'd talk more. She's still silly, loud and exciting.

C.K. My first unofficial/official girlfriend? In 7th grade. Again, I still remember the first moment I fell for her. 4th period of Life Science. She had been crushing on some jerk and we had slowly become friends. And that day she came in with tears in her eyes. We watched a film in class, and she started silently crying. We sat in a group so she sat right in front of me. I saw her cry and it pulled my heart strings. I sent her a note, and I fell hard for her she had braces, glasses, and she claims "frizzy hair", but honestly I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Years later she went on to lose the braces, and glasses and her hair is even more fabulous. She's still beautiful and a great friend. Funny enough in 7th grade when we started crushing on each other we had a close mutual friend and like some movie we ended up telling said close friend the same day that we liked one another. Said mutual friend took it upon herself to tell her that I liked her and tell me that she liked me. We "went out", which consisted of cute little love notes. I almost wish I could say I kept them but I'm glad I didn't. They deserve to be in the past. No I'm not bitter, but we just became so much closer as friends. Although I admit it took me forever to get over her. We broke up like after two weeks of "going out." But I kept crushing on her way into 8th grade.

Which brings me to E.W. Ironically she had been one of CK's best friends but I had never met her, and it wasn't until we had two classes together back to back that we met and became friends. We had 3rd period math and 4th period leadership. And she sat in front of me in math and we sat next to each other in leadership. She was goofy and fun and we got along amazingly. We had many adventures such as making our own middle school musical where we were afraid of getting jumped if we went into East Hall, known as the ghetto hall in our school. But near the end of 8th she developed a crush on some guy and started going out with him and I pushed my feelings away...

HS! 9th grade which brings me to E.P. who actually shares the same first name different spelling with E.W. She was extremely flirty and touchy, I had no chance. I had never dealt with crushes like her. Either they didn't like me or they did but we never were "touchy,". She was. And she was short. So when we hugged I felt like we belonged. She was my first major heartbreak in HS as well. But I don't care because it helped me grow. Every heartbreak has made me stronger and I appreciate it.

J.B. Oh the ice queen. She was one of my best friends in my first two years of HS. And she was sweet, but when it came to feelings and liking people it was like liking a wall. I don't regret my crush on her because she is totally crushable. She's smart and beautiful. And she has a boyfriend now which means she's not a wall anymore round of applause! She's still a good friend of mine.

C.B. I kind of had a crush on you, and then when friends found out you liked me they went and told me and I was pushed against the wall and pressured to ask you out. I don't blame them or you, it was my fault for letting me be pressured. Unfortunately because I asked you out so soon I ended up not liking you as much as I should have, and I hate that. But hey no hard feelings between us and I appreciate that.

A. I don't even remember her last name. And she was so weird because she didn't even want to be known by her real name but rather by a different name Zoey. I say Zoey because I know no one would be able to find her out so I have no guilt in stating that her "name" was Zoey. We aren't even facebook friends, but man was she pretty. She had been hanging out with one of my friends who I'd gone up to talk to and she kind of just interrupted our conversation and introduced herself. I loved it. We dated for like a week, before I found out how she really just liked someone for like a day and then moved on. Then she literally moved to another school. El Oh El. So it's all good.

Near the end of sophomore year E.W. and I got really close again and became the best of friends. So she's resurfaced. Why because that summer things happened and changed. We would talk all day long and all night long. She had a boyfriend that I'd helped in getting them together. And I ended up hating myself for pushing her to date him, only to realize a couple of weeks later that I liked her. A lot. What I didn't realize was that she ended up liking me as well. One night when things were bad for her and she called me crying. And later when on to tell me that the only person she had wanted to talk to was me. And she went on to say "would you believe me if I told you I think I'm in love with you," I still have those words glued to my brain and mind. I told her I loved her as well. But unfortunately things happened and she changed and I changed and it never worked out and we never went out, and now we rarely talk, because of her current boyfriend who doesn't want her to have any friends. No, I'm not bitter, but I do hate the idea that we can't be as close as we used to because of her boyfriend.

C.R. This was senior year. Honestly, I'd seen you before like junior year and I thought you were pretty and I found out you were dating one of my friends. Not a close friend but still a friend. So whatever you did not enter my thoughts again until senior year. You were single and in one of my classes. And then one day on facebook I had a message from you. You invited me to go to JA with you. A really special dance kind of like  prom but for the whole school district. I said yes. And I had planned on asking you out after the dance. But several little birds told me that you wanted me to ask you out asap. So I did. I still remember our first date. Going to Slaughterhouse, the haunted house set up in our local mall. You despite saying you wouldn't be scared were and I held you. Then we had pizza and talked. And going to JA was unforgettable. And sometimes I regret that we didn't work out but I'm happy that we can still be good friends.

K.L. You came into my life near the end of senior year. You walked into my math class at the beginning of second semester. You were new, you were tall blonde and beautiful. And I figured I had absolutely no chance. But I tried to befriend you. And we hit it off! We began hanging out every day at lunch and once went to get frozen yogurt together on a Saturday. We became close friends and I regretted having to graduate cause I knew we would start to lose our close friendship. I'm glad we're still friends, and thank you for helping me actually be excited about going to school again.

S.P. You were the gorgeous girl that sat next to me in math last semester. I think you're beautiful. And I know we wouldn't work out cause you missed so much school. And yet claimed you wanted to go the medical school route. Sweetie, I think you're beautiful, and I had a small crush on you. But get it together. College shouldn't be all about partying.

This is probably my most scandalous post to date because any of these girls could read it and probably know I'm talking about them. Thankfully no one reads my blog.

All these ladies helped changed my life and whether it was for better or for worse I came out alive, and I'm happy for the time being. And hopefully it has all brought me closer to finding the right one.

Future girlfriend/wife, please love me for me, and I promise to do the same.

Now there are some girls that I didn't talk about because they weren't crushes but they're still extremely special to me, and I will talk about them in the near future. But they get their own post dedicated to them. :) So look for them tomorrow.

Over and Over Again

You ever get those songs where you go through a current period in time where you just listen to them over and over again? 

Yup, that's been me these past couple of weeks I don't know why when everyone else tires of listening to a song they listen to a lot, they begin to dislike it, or they just avoid listening to it. As I've mentioned before not me. I will listen to a single song for hours on end. 

Funny thing is, none of the songs are even recent new ones. They've been out for years. And I don't even know why I'm obsessed with them. Sometimes I obsess over a song, because I love the person's voice, the lyrics of it fit whatever I'm currently feeling, or they help me write. 

So anyways here are five completely irrelevant songs although I guess in their cores they relate. 

The first one is Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick. Let start off with I'm in love with her voice. Love it! I'd marry her just based on her voice. I can't get enough of it. Apparently the song is actually about an abortion? I'm not sure if this is true but I could see it. It's definitely about a love that went wrong, with lyrics like "can you help me unravel my latest mistake, I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season," it's pretty easy to see that. And the beginning of this song, which includes said quote is one of my favorite beginnings of a song. It evokes very strong emotions from me, and it's actually what helped me create a character for the current story I'm working on. For those of you following my story, this song will eventually be "sung" by Madison. And you'll see just how the song fits her. No it won't be her having an abortion. Listen to the song. One of my all time favorite lyrics from the song would be "2 AM and I'm still awake writing a song, if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to." This song is fricken poetic end of story. 

The next song is Look After You by The Fray. I love The Fray. That being said this song is no different. I also recently heard a cover done by someone else and wow what a voice. It's got some great and deep lyrics that are amazing. The beginning is one of my favorite parts of the song if not my favorite, "if I don't say this now, I will surely break as I'm leaving the one I want to take, forget the urgency but hurry up and wait, my heart started to separate." Wow, if you don't like that get out now -__- just kidding. But seriously. It sets the mood and tone of the song and I can't help but relate. Who hasn't ever wanted to confess something and felt that they'd die if they didn't get it out of them. And then talking about being separated from the one they love, well come on now, my heart isn't made of stone. It's a heartbreaking beautiful song in my opinion, and has helped me get in the mindset of what Owen (another character in my story) feels. 

Song number three would be She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. I love them, sue me. And I love Payphone but that's not the song I'm focusing on! So back to SWBL. I like the beat, it's very down to earth and mellow. This song every time I listen to it, I want to get up and sing at the top of my lungs, I'm currently listening to it, and I want to sing but I'm in the library and that'd be awkward and social suicide. Anyways, my favorite part of this song would be "I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain, look for the girl with the broken smile." This is the part that I fricken try to harmonize with when listening to it. And I love it because it helps me write and I can imagine a whole scene play out. Spoiler alert, this song will pop up in my story as well. Another favorite lyric is "I want to make you feel beautiful," in essence this is what I feel a relationship should be like and what the boyfriend should do for their loved one. When(if)ever I get a girlfriend, that will be my goal. 

And onto numero quatre (that's four). So Sick by Neyo. Come on, he's a great singer. This is a break up song. I guess. But I love the beginning of it, because it tells a story, and I can easily see this story. "Gotta change my answering machine now that I'm alone cause right now it says that we can't come to the phone and I know it makes no sense cause you walked out the door, but it's the only way I hear your voice anymore," this I can perfectly picture, feeling so strongly about someone even though it's all over. There's so many other parts to this song that I love, and I hope to be able to create character interactions that are as strong as the feelings present in this song for that other person. Oh and I'm so sick of love songs. No just kidding, I can't get enough of them. 

Ohh for the last one. My Life Would Suck Without You, by Kelly Clarkson. Some days I feel like I'm the only that still loves her, oh and my mom, but we don't speak of that. Moving on. This song has always been one of my favorites of hers. I have plenty of others worth a shout out like Because of You and Behind These Hazel Eyes and plenty of others. But this one. I can't get enough of. Maybe because although I'm not in love, I still have plenty of people that my life would simply suck without them. But it's still such a great song about that one person that you couldn't live without. I think this song will also pop up in my story at some point. Maybe, or just the essence of it. "Cause we belong together now yeah, forever united here somehow yeah, you got a piece of me, and honestly my life would suck without you," Amen sista Kelly amen. 

Warning: If you ever hear me sing any of these don't freak just simply join in. 

I guess I kind of figured out why I keep listening to these five songs. They get me in the zone for writing. Huh, I hadn't made the connection till writing this blog. Of course I have other songs that maybe I'll talk about that help me. Who knows. 

Essays

I have a love hate relationship with essays what can I say? I love writing some of them while absofrickenlutely hate writing others.

I hate when I have to write essays that are down to the point and straightforward. I like and try to put as much creativity in my essays as I can. It makes me feel accomplished and quite proud of myself.

Unfortunately, and I don't say this to brag, but every time we do peer reviews in class I'm always the one that gets the "oh I really liked it, good job not sure what you can change *lol*" -_- I know my essay can do with improvements but I rarely get ideas from my peers, so I'm forced to wait for the teacher's feedback or take it to someone who would actually care to critique it.

I love writing and throughout the past year I've become more open to people actually reading what I write. Although I'm not always comfortable knowing people will read some of the things that I write, for the most part I don't shy away from it anymore. Hell I have a blog. 'Nuff said right?

So I'm a horrible and terrible person. I put off my essays. And this week alone I had two essays due. Both of which I did the night before and finished like an hour before the classes I had to turn them in. I'll keep y'all updated on what I actually get on them....

But I just hate procrastinating on them, but at the same time I don't learn from my mistakes. And I never get bad grades on them, so I continue to do it. It's a cycle. Sue me.

It's Good To Be Back...Or Is It?

Dun, dun dun.

My day back wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I woke up, got ready and made myself a bombass sandwich. It was delish.

Because I took forever making myself a sandwich I forgot to eat breakfast. You may laugh at the irony. I got to school and bought a bagel in the library where they informed they only had regular cream cheese. Grr. I didn't let it get to me. I enjoyed my bagel. I went on with my day. My first class was ight.

My second class was cancelled. So I got to work on an essay due later today. Then I went to an advising session that annoyed me, pissed me off, depressed me and being the ever so masochist I was sort of excited. But whatever. Let's not dwell on the future for once. The session was supposed to be about discussing every single class I will ever take in my college career. It was horrible -__-

Anyways so I continued on my day. Saw some friends, talked with them, had fun. Finished my essay in time, and watched The Shining in my English Film class. It was all good fun.

It was just a regular day. And I'm happy with it.

Let's finish this semester out strong eh guys?

^^^^Not

Day Nine of Spring Break

This is it. It's ending..I can feel the clutches of school reaching out for me dragging me deeper in. I just know I won't resurface till summer begins. But j plan to end this year with a bang..I must.

I actually love this spring break. I think its one of my most successful. I really do think I've done a lot. Sure its not huge life changing things but you gotta start somewhere right?

I cleaned a lot. And I'm happy about that. I started cleaning the backyard today and I felt like an accomplished Mexican. I got big plans for that yard. And I can't wait to see them unfold. Overall I'd say cleaning is a success.

I'm not behind on my blogs and I'm happy about that.

I do wish I could have written more but I'm determined to keep writing. So that won't end any time soon. I wrote a whole chapter this week. And edited two chapters. And have planned a lot. And through the course of this week I plan on actually putting those plans into my writers notebook.

I started homework today and I'm halfway through it. It's due tomorrow afternoon so I'll finish it in time.

I'm dreading school but I'm kind of prepared for it so I can only hope for the best.

I hung out with friends and loved it. I bonded with my family and enjoyed it. I watched The Hobbit and Les Miserables two films that I'd been wanting to watch and finally got to.

I finished a book this week. And I'm gonna continue reading. For sure.

I added more music to my iPod and I couldn't be happier.

So much like my spring break started its ending the same way. I'm satisfied and for the most part happy. I'm ready.

I'm ready for the start of something new. Just as spring started this week. May new things begin.

The One In Which I Spend Some Time Thinking

I tend to always be thinking about something or someone and blah. My mind never leaves me alone. I wish it did but it does not. Sometimes I feel like its my enemy.

Anyways this post marks the first I've ever done on my phone. I always do them on my laptop. But there's a first time for everything right?

What can I say about today? I woke up and took a shower and got ready and thought about how spring break is ending. I refused to eat breakfast for no real legit reason. And I didn't eat dinner last night. Huh. Cray Cray.

Today we went and visited my grandma and took her out. It was nice. It was really nice. It was a good day. But I kept thinking about my grandpa. And how much I miss him. And how things have changed. And I hate it.

But the one good thing that came out of it was that it was an enjoyable day. It started to feel like things could go back to normal with taking my grandma out and not being depressed about my grandpa. It gives me hope for the future.

I miss him though. And I still see things that remind me of him.

I ran into a friend at the store and it was a pleasant surprise. And I also went and got an application for Barnes & Nobles. Wish me luck.

I spent some time today evaluating myself as a person. And I came to the conclusion that things need to change. More on that some other day.

Then I got into an argument with someone and honestly it ruined my whole day. I stayed cooped up in my room afterwards not texting anyone or talking to anyone.

And its times like that when I start overthinking. And its stupid of me. But I beat myself up (mentally not physically)
And I basically have a pity party for myself. And I get lonely...no other way to describe it.

And I start hoping and wishing that someone would sense that I'm feeling crappy and they'd text me. Or call and then I'd have someone telling me it'd all be ok.

Once upon a time when I felt like this I would try to talk to someone. And I'd tell.them my problems. But as time went on I figured that I was annoying people and once it blew up in my face. So I stopped opening up. And for the longest time I didnt go to anyone. I kept it all inside.

And now every once in a while I'll talk. But for the most part I just keep it locked inside while I think about it and dark thoughts run through my head.

But I'm fine. I'll be fine. And I know if I keep telling myself that I will be.

And for now I'm just thankful for this blog. I can pour my feelings into it and I don't have to burden anyone with my petty issues.

The One In Which I'm A Le Miserable

Friday, I am still sore. How pathetic right? So I went and got a haircut today and I don't know why but I don't like getting haircuts. The whole process of it I feel is just a waste of time. Gah I'm a picky person leave me alone.

And I went and got a special edition of Les Miserables, with the blu ray, DVD and digital copy/ultra violet thing along with a CD with 20 of the songs.

So I went home all giddy and excited and popped the blu ray in...and lo and behold it didn't work. -__- So naturally I went back to Walmart and demanded an exchange. So then I went back home all giddy and ready to sing along.

So I put it in...and it didn't work. What the eff. After struggling for like 20 mins I gave up and put on the DVD. Thankfully that work so it wasn't a complete disaster.

And there I was watching it, enjoying it, and singing along.

I loved the film. I love the actors. Thought they were great.

I love musicals and I love their voices.

I do however wish they had done a bit more talking though, I understand it's a musical but what's wrong with speaking parts and then having the main songs being sung.

"I dreamed a dream" "on my own" "in my life" "one day more" "a heart full of love". See what I did there?

Anyways, watch the film!

The One In Which I Do More Spring Cleaning

Sometimes I think my life is really like the beginning of a romantic comedy. It's sad and depressing. And full of funny situations. That I don't think are very funny until afterwards!

So I'm sore from laser tag. And on thursday I decided to put the spring cleaning into full gear. And I felt like a housewife or something because I was just going at it and cleaning and what not. I got into a battle with a few of the appliances in the kitchen and those dishes kicked my butt.

But whatever. I ain't even...wait for it...mad. Yeah.

It was in that moment that I decided I don't like cleaning as much as I think I do. Every time I clean I freak out because when I'm almost done I find more stuff that needs to be cleaned and I get a tad OCD about it.

And I love the end results. But I hate the process.

So I don't know, any ladies out there looking for a cleaning man? Well here I am!

I don't know. So I also posted the second chapter of my story online. I hope I actually get some readers so we'll see what happens with that.

And I spent the night listening to music on my ipod. How fun! And I am sincere in that.

That's me. Le sigh.

The One In Which I Go On An Unexpected Adventure

So Wednesday some of my friends and I had made plans to go bowling. I used to be on the bowling team for two years of HS and I don't regret it. And the last time I went bowling was over summer. So I was excited. I was ready to bowl and hopefully improve my average!

But nothing ever goes how I plan it to go.

we got to the bowling alley and found it extremely full. So we left and went to another one across town...that one was full as well. What the eff. It was a Wednesday for crying out loud. But whateves I wasn't even mad.

Luckily the casino we were at had an arcade with....laser tag!!! And so being the mature 18-19 year olds that we are we decided to get unlimited laser tag!!

And it was intense and I have horrible aim and I have a newfound dislike for little kids! And by the end of it I was tired, sweaty, and thirsty. But oh so worth it.

It was great just forgetting life for a while and aiming at people. We were just a couple of young kids running around playing something as simple as laser tag. It was nice, absolutely no worries.

I hope we can do it again.

Afterwards we went up and got some water and slushies. And talked for a good while about films and shows and life.

And this is where our adventure took an unexpected turn. And do I regret it? Nope. We were talking and suddenly an idea popped in our heads.

And let's just say we 'yolo'ed it'.

That is all I will say on the matter.

It was a fun night and hope there are many more like it.

The One In Which I Volunteer and Watch The Hobbit In 3D

Last night I went to bed at a semi late/semi early time. Midnight. I got just about enough sleep. And woke up bright and early. I took a shower and went to volunteer at school for a huge event my club was hosting. 

Every time I volunteer my inner Samaritan  smiles with glee and pats my back saying good job. And my inner grumpy cat glares at me and asks what the f**k was wrong with me for volunteering to be around lots of people. 

I don't like people. They're terrible beings, myself included. And I only love a select few and they're honestly the ones I can always be happy to see. Unfortunately none of them were with me. It was just me and a whole bunch of upperclassmen and the only thing we could talk about was how we're both in the club.

I like volunteering though...and at the end of the day I'm happy I did it. I did my good deed for the year. Just kidding, I'll volunteer in the next coming weeks as well. 

It was a long day. I was standing in front of a table from 7:30 am to 2. Without sitting down or anything. It knocked my legs out! Not really but still. Then I went for a walk for little while and it was nice and ended all too soon. 

After I got home, I sat down and watched The Hobbit in 3D. We as in my family and I own a 3D TV and it's the shit! I've got tons of 3D movies including but not limited to The Avengers, The Amazing Spider-man, The Hobbit. And more! And I go all out and nerdy. And I love it. 

But now I'm bragging, whatever. 

So I watched it. In 3D. And although yes I did like it, it was extremely long. Maybe it's just cause I was feeling tired and my 100% wasn't into it. But I thought the beginning was a smidge slow. But I loved it overall and it was a great story, I had tons of geeky moments and the landscapes were beautiful as always. 

I'm excited for the next part and I wonder how it'll possibly have enough material to cover two more films. And I think it was only a tad slower because it was setting everything up. So now that stuff is set up I'm ready for the story to continue!

The One In Which I Start Spring Cleaning And Reminisce

Today, I feel sort of accomplished. I didn't go out and do something big and life changing. But I did something small and changed it.

I started my spring cleaning because I fear once I go back to school I won't have time to breathe until summer begins.

I started with the kitchen and cleaned and rearranged things and fixed things up. I made breakfast again for myself and my dad. And I don't mind cleaning.

It takes my mind off things and I love looking back at things after I've cleaned and knowing that I did that. Cleaning can be boring and annoying (so I don't do it often haha), but when I do it I like to do it for the right reasons and with the best intentions. Because then time flies and things get cleaner.

Unfortunately, once cleaning something I ALWAYS see something else that needs cleaning. So my job is far from done. But I have a whole week for that and I plan to use my time wisely and get 'er done!

I also reminisced a lot. The past two nights I've been watching a channel that's dedicated to 90s Nick shows, like Doug, Rugrats, Hey Arnold, All That, and The Amanda Show, and many more. And I watched some Dragon Ball GT and Avatar The Last Airbender.

I feel like a little kid again! And I can't help but think back to those times. When everything was much simpler. I miss those times. And the shows were so much better back then. I watched an episode of All Grown Up, when the rugrats became preteens. And it dealt with Lil and Phil realizing that they're aren't so identitical when she begins using training bras. First of all I was shocked that this was the subject of an episode meant for kids. But hey the show was titled All Grown Up and then I was happy because it was a subject that should be touched upon when showing kids growing up. I dvred the episode to show my sister and I felt really warm inside because the show reminded me of that time in middle school when puberty was hitting and having crushes seemed to be the biggest deal in the world. And having butterflies, and noticing someone was cute, and worrying about the changes that growing up created.

And I miss those times. And here I am remembering those good times.

The One In Which I Go Out For Tea and Go For A Walk

Really long title eh?

So today I woke up and took a shower so I'm squeaky clean. I ate some breakfast and waited for one of my best friends.

She wanted to go out to a tea shop and have some tea. Yeaa we're going British! Just Kidding.

So we went to this cute little tea shop where they sell like over a 100 types of tea. We got some iced tea because the weather is really nice and hot out. Go figure.

I got some Raspberry Vanilla Mint Green Tea.

The thing about tea I don't know if it's just me, but they all really taste the same. Water with either a bad taste or a hint of the flavor mentioned.

Mine tasted like mint water, no raspberry, no vanilla. We laughed at how that will probably be the last time we go there.

But it was a nice experience because we tried something new. We took a risk! No not really, but it was still something new.

We went out a nearby park and walked two laps around it and we talked about anything and everything while sipping out tea. Muaha.

It was a good little experience and one I'll remember for a while. And the walk was nice. The tea although not the best wasn't totally bad.

And I just finished my math homework and saw that I aced my math quiz. I need to keep this up!

Yay me!

Now I'm gonna listen to music and write. I'm on page 52 and counting of my story. Which is now up on a website to read the first chapter!

Day One Of Spring Break

My first day of spring break was interesting. I'm satisfied with it. I overslept. Oversleeping is not something I like to do often, and usually I do it when I really am behind on my sleep. I like waking up early. I'm kind of an early person, that's why I like having early classes. So I overslept and realized I didn't want to do much of anything at least for saturday. My parents had the day off so we could all spend it together. We've gone out for the past few weeks and I figured why not stay and relax.

So while my parents went to do a few quick errands my sister and I set to work on cleaning the kitchen and making breakfast. I love making breakfast mainly because I love to eat. But I don't do it often. So I figured I'd go all out on it.

I set to peeling the potatoes. And I'm lefthanded and I don't know how to peel so I spent longer on that then I should have. My hands started cramping but I did it. And I tried to make some homemade french fries but it ended up being a cross between french fries and hashbrowns. Don't ask.

So after that I started cutting the sausages to go with the eggs. That was much easier. And then I started on the eggs while my sister cooked the beans. Because we are Mexicans and we love our beans.

By the end I'd say it was a really filling breakfast.

My mom wanted to watch Breaking Dawn Pt 2 afterwards to which she proceeded to complain about how Kristen Stewart is too ugly to be Bella. And my dad proceeded to complain about how she was a whore for getting with that one married director.

We finished watching the movie and I read for a while and chillaxed.

Afterwards we decided to start on dinner and cleaning some more.

Dinner was a success with a potato salad and chicken breasts with gravy. It was pretty good.

It was a successful day where I didn't do much but I was still somewhat productive. It was a nice start to it.

And I have plans to hang out with friends, do my homework, continue writing, and cleaning and even working out and running this week. I'm excited for a productive spring break. That is my goal for this spring break. I won't let this break breeze through with me being a failure. I'm excited to do stuff and feel accomplished!

My Good Friday

So my idiot self only slept like four hours. Boo me. So when I woke up at 6:30 am this morning I was not a happy camper. It seemed like most everyone had started their "spring break" and I still had three classes, an essay, a quiz and homework due.

I was not looking forward to it. So nonetheless I went to school being the trooper that I am. I went to the library and printed out my "revised" essay. Honestly I just added a paragraph to it and called it good. Not my fault everyone that was supposed to give me advice on what to add/take out failed to do so in my class. All I got was "it was really good". Uh duh. I know it was good, I wrote it.

Now I sound like a douche. Oh well.

So I printed it out and stapled it. I went up to the second floor and met up with one of my friends. We chatted for a little over an hour and then she went off to class. And I started one of my two math assignments. I finished it in time to pack up and head towards my first class!

I got to class like 12 minutes early and chatted briefly with my semi friend in that class. English. Once it was time for class to begin in walked this man. Needless to say he was not our professor.

He smiled and explained to us that our professor hadn't shown up and she wanted us to just turn in our essays and leave! We just had to sign in and in less than ten minutes I was out of there! What a marvelous surprise!

And my second class French was cancelled! What a glorious reward!

Now that just left one class. Math where I had a quiz. So I knew we would get out early. So I continued working on my math homework. I have to problems left as of now. I spent time with some friends I don't always spend time with and that was good. And one of my best friends brought some of her leftover dinner for lunch and I give her mad props. It was fricken good! I enjoyed it! And I loved spending just a nice lunch between her and me. We talked and munched on yummy food. And laughed. It was amazing!

Then I was off to math. We asked questions and then we had to do the quiz!

It was only one problem! Of course it had like five parts to it but not to toot my own horn but I think I aced it! At least I hope I did...and so I was out of class early!

All in all a really great and amazing day. I love days when everything just seems to go right.

And one important thing to note.

Yesterday I posted the first chapter of my story One For All to a website for posting stories. And I took a risk and shared it on Facebook. Maybe I'll get readers? I don't know, hopefully. But this is big stuff.

And I had a meeting for my club last night and we've got some events coming up and I'm so excited to help out!

I'm on cloud nine right now! And Spring Break is finally here!!!

This is honestly my face just thinking about what a good day it was.

Alone

I think I've become a stronger and better person.

Once upon a time I used to have panic attacks when I was alone in HS and didn't have any friends to go to during lunch. And that was only like 45 minutes.

I am proud to say that I, Scott T. can now spend like two hours alone in the library. And I even look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays when I can do this.

And OMFG this isn't even part of my post but right now where I'm sitting writing this post I saw the prettiest girl ever. I'm gonna marry her.

Anyways back to the topic.

I love coming up to the third floor of the library. I plug in my laptop and my earphones and the time flies.

I do homework, I do my blogs, I eat, I write. I go on Facebook, or text. But honestly I don't do much of Facebook or texting during these two hours. I have all the time for that stuff. It's usually just me, my laptop, backpack and my music.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm proud of myself. Because I can do this and not freak out feeling like I'll be a loner for life.

I don't think it's an antisocial thing, I just finally seem at peace with what I should have been at peace with.

I can stand being by myself now.

All the 'alone' pictures were pictures of sad lonely people. Go figure.

Habemus Papam

Habemus Papam or "we have a Pope". On Wednesday the black smoke over the Vatican turned white and the whole world held their breath. A decision was made.

We have a new Pope. A new one. And the world waited anxiously for him to show himself. And when he did we learned who our new Pope is. Pope Francis. Who's from Argentina. A Hispanic Pope so to speak. Or at the very least a Pope from this side of the world.

People every where rejoiced, shared their thoughts, or disagreed with the decision. Whatever it was people had opinions. And now everyone's waiting to see what will happen with this new one.

My own opinion of him? He looks very humble and has that sweet old man look. I like him. He seems nice and patient. And he reminded me of my grandpa and I had a strong urge to see my grandpa. Of course that won't happen. But I like this new Pope and hope good things happen.


I am Catholic. I'm not ashamed of it. Or try to hide it. I think I'm religious but not in the traditional sense. I can't remember if I've discussed religion in my posts yet. I think I have but not dedicated a whole post to this. So here it is.

I don't go to church or mass every Sunday. Or every week. I honestly go like a few times per year. And I feel bad about that. But I believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Virgin Mary. I believe in all of them. I do pray from time to time. I talk to them. I thank them, I ask them for patience or help. I do believe in them. Very much so.

But I don't think you have to go to church every single week to prove you that you believe in them. Unfortunately I know people who go to church every week and claim to be extremely religious but at the end of the day, they aren't totally good people. Now I'm not judging. I'm not saying I'm better than them. But I don't understand how people will go to church every week and treat others like crap almost as if they were excused just because they go to church. I don't think that's how it works.

I'd rather not go to church but try to be the best person that I can be then go every week only to go around acting rude and selfish and hypocritical.

Another thing, I love God and religion in and of itself isn't a bad thing. But I truly believe people ruin it.

On campus I see people holding their signs "God Hates Sin" or "God Hates this and that". And I always shake my head.

I'm not expert but from what I know, God is love. And religion claims we should love our neighbors and being understand right? So why would anyone want to promote religion with all the negative things. Why do people even think they'll get followers by stating what God "hates". And that's another thing. I don't think God hates. God doesn't hate. He is love. So why focus on what God "hates" rather than the good things that religion may cause and spread. Why not talk about the people that have made a difference, or how God is accepting of others. And how he'll always be there for whoever is in need.

It makes me sad the way people corrupt religion.

So there's my take on it.

There's our new Pope. May good things come from this new one.

Warm

So this week the weather has been getting warmer. On Tuesday I even wore a short sleeve shirt with no sweater, hoodie, jacket, coat etc. It was that warm.

I wake up and the sun is creepin' in through my window. I step outside and I immediately feel it warm my body.

The birds are chirping away. The trees and plants are still dead, but you start to see signs of things changing.

It's a beautiful day outside and I hate every minute of it.

I'm not a negative person, I swear. I just love rain and cloudy weather. I'm not ready for all this warm weather.

I love Spring, but I hate that it brings us closer to that dreadful season known as Summer. I swear wasn't I just blogging about rain and going all Game of Thrones on you all with "winter is coming!" Gah.

I hate sweating. I hate feeling the hot sun on my head of black hair. I hate not being able to see because the sun is in my eyes. I hate that my contacts seem to dry up in my eyes and I end up walking and blinking like an idiot.

I hate it.

But it's not all bad. I'm not a total beast. I do love when the views become even more beautiful. No more dead trees. And the green comes out and the flowers grow and the birds sing even more happily.

I do love that image.

Although I'm still hoping for at least a couple more days of clouds and cold and rain.

And I'm counting down till Fall. Not really. But you get what I mean.

100

This is my 100th post. Wow. How the time has gone by? That's a lot of posts. And I want to continue writing. I'm determined to make a change in my life and always find a balance between writing and the rest of my life.

The problem with this is I don't even know what to talk about? D:

I guess I should talk about my new writing project. I briefly mentioned the idea a while ago. I've been working on it for like a month now.

Let's start from the very beginning. I mentioned in one of my posts that I wanted to write a story about a band and their journey of fame and fortune. But I asked myself why would anyone care to read it or want to?

So my answer to the solution (assuming anyone would even want to read my writing) was making them care about the characters. I was originally going to start it off with their first days of fame. But nope. I decided to take it back before then. I looked up names and found which ones spoke to me.

And I really wanted to focus on character development. A lot of my previous writings I focused on the plot and what I wanted from it and therefore creating characters that fit that plot. But with this one my process was knowing they'd eventually form a band. So I focused on the individuals and what made them similar and different.

There will be five members of the band, it's an all male band. Sorry ladies. But there's still some good female characters in it as well.

They'll eventually all have something that brings them to audition for a singing competition TV show a la American Idol and X Factor. And from there they'll gain fame and eventually become a band.

I wanted each of the members to have some sort of vulnerability and something that would come back to haunt them.

So far I have 47 pages written and it's a huge accomplishment for me because my previous stories have always been half way done by page 40 and this story is only just starting.

The first five chapters are all dedicated to one of the boys. And it'll continue that way until they get to the auditions.

So the first official synopsis of my story?

When the lives of five different boys are intertwined leading them down a path where their wildest dreams come true they find that fame and fortune is not all they thought it'd be. There's as much bad as there is good. And when each of them have secrets and pasts that won't leave them alone they'll realize it's not all for one but rather one for all.

The title of my story currently is One For All. That'll be the name of their band eventually.

There's Aiden, the rebel who seems to be failing school and constantly gets in fights. And doesn't seem to care about anyone. Except of course his mom who's trying to earn enough money to raise him and his little sisters.  He'll do whatever he has to for his family. But with the dark shadow of his missing father hanging over his head will he be able to reach his goals?

Then there's Noah who's parents are doctors and lawyers. He's been given everything he could ever want except his parents' love. Noah knows that money doesn't buy happiness and when he's forced to keep hidden his family life he'll find that it's harder to do especially when he wants nothing more than to change his life. And being new to town will only make things harder.

Mason happens to be Aiden's best friend but the complete opposite of Aiden. He's calm, cool and collected. And the star of the tennis team. Unfortunately when he falls for a girl that previously had altercations with Aiden things get complicated and he's left heartbroken. But when he gets messages on twitter from @YourBiggestFan he starts falling for his biggest fan...The problem? He doesn't know who she is.

Owen dreams about forming a band with his best friend Mads, they sing duets and post them on Youtube. Owen and Mads are inseparable but when they audition as a duet act, they're told they can make it into the show if they sing as soloists. And when things come between them, and one of them makes a life changing choice everything will change. And their feelings for each other seem to be more than that of best friends, too bad they don't realize it.

After Declan's grandpa dies he vows to make him proud and follow his dreams of becoming a famous singer.  But with depression lingering and distancing himself from his former friends he realizes it's not as easy as it sounds. As he takes a step closer to fame and depression lingering he'll have to come to terms with whether he wants to give up or continue on through.

So there you have it! What do you think??

Insomnia

Late at night...
When the world has gone to bed...

When my loved ones are out of my reach...

I lay awake. I stare the ceiling.

I stare at the time on my phone.

I listen to the creaks and groans of the house. And then I listen to that one song trying to find sleep.

But sleep alludes me. And insomnia takes in.

And I'm scared of it.

Insomnia doesn't come alone. Late at night when it's dark, the darkest thoughts come out.

The painful memories. The lost wishes and broken dreams.

Insomnia doesn't come alone.

Insomnia brings back an old friend.

A friend I wanted buried. A friend that I never wanted as a friend.

Insomnia doesn't come alone.

It visits and stays until I'm left shaken and broken and then it flies away to come again.

The next day I wear that smile, and I wish you knew when I was hurting. And when you'd ask what's wrong, I'd say nothing. And you'd persist until you got the answer.

Because insomnia doesn't come alone.

Perks

On Saturday I watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower. And I loved it. Some parts were weird and awkward but I didn't mind at all.

I love that Emma Watson was in it. And I would have watched it regardless. It's one of those stories that you just have to read and watch. It was very powerful in my opinion.

And can we just take a moment to give a standing ovation to Percy Jackson  Logan Lerman. I applaud him. He's now one of my favorite actors. He did such a good job. He was really committed and I appreciate it. It's an important story.

It deals with elements of depression and I love stories that deal with that, I know what it's like to be depressed. So I appreciate it.

The actor that plays Patrick (Ezra Miller) was also awesome. He was very powerful. I really felt for him and understood his pain concerning his lover.

I think the cast did a phenomenal job and I rate it 4.5 out of 5 stars.

I need to finish reading the book before I discuss book vs movie topics. So we'll leave that conversation for a later day.

I loved the quotes. They are so powerful and inspiring and heartbreaking.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." There are no words to describe how much I love these quotes.

And to conclude there was one scene in particular that was my favorite. Simply because it was heartbreaking and I teared up.

Near the end Charlie(Logan Lerman's character), breaks down. And he's sobbing and crying. And he's begging himself to stop crying. That got to me. In so many ways. Mainly because I've been there.

I know what it's like to break down and trying to stop crying even though the tears just keep falling.

That is the image I will think of at least for a while whenever I think of Perks.

I loved this film.

Naps

Friday. I was exhausted. I'd slept a total of four hours the night before. So after school, I wish I could say I went out and partied but nope.

I wish I could at least say I was writing my story or doing something on the internet or even watching a movie. But nope.

I went home after doing some chores and eating. I sat on the couch for a little bit.

I woke up a couple of hours later with my dog at my feet. I had fallen asleep on the couch.

I have a new found respect and love for naps. And sleep in general.

I used to hate having to go to sleep when I was younger. I used to hate naps. Long gone are those days.

I love naps. They're the most amazing, peaceful thing. Something about putting life on pause for a while and just falling asleep not at night but during the day is so captivating to me. I treasure it now.

And I think I will only continue to treasure it as I get older.

^^^^ That's me. Just kidding. I'm cuter. 

Kids

On Thursday we watched a documentary on babies in Anthropology.

And this is so random but I do want to be a dad some day in the distant future. I love kids and babies and dogs (just throwing that out there).

I can't wait (yes I can) till I'm a dad. I want to teach them everything I know. I want to teach them Spanish and English and French.

And I'll have them watch all my favorite movies with me. And I'll read them Harry Potter.

And some of these things just sounds like I want friends not babies. -__-

If I have a daughter I'm prepared to be that dad that sits with her and has tea parties with her. We'll do it Mad Hatter style!

If I have a son we'll play with dinosaurs because as a little kid I loved dinosaurs. They're so fascinating.

And I'd play with my kids. And I'd love them.

And I'm not saying I hope it happens but if my child ever had any sort of illness I would gladly love them all the more for it. I'd show them that they're even more beautiful because of their differences.

I'd like to think I'd be a fair and just dad. But no guy would ever mess with my daughter or I'd hunt them down. And likewise no girl is ever going to step all over my son.

I want 2-4 kids. So my wife better be ready to pop those suckers out of there. Real romantic huh? But I'm even willing and kind of want to adopt as well. I want to change lives. That's why I want to be a doctor. So what better way to continue to change lives than adopting? And I'd love them to death as if they were my own blood. And if I did adopt I wouldn't care that we didn't share genes. Because to me they would be my kids no matter what. And I'd love them.

And if my kids ended up being lesbian or gay or something, that doesn't matter to me. I would love them still. And I would always be there for them. The heart wants what the heart wants. Love whoever you love and I've never understood why people are judged on who they love.

The point is I will always love my children. I already love them and they don't even exist! I'm not even sure if their mother exists! Although I hope she's out there...looking for me.

Procrastination at It's Finest

Wednesday I did not get any homework done. It's not that I was busy. It's not that I was sick. I was just being a bad student.

Some weeks I have really good weeks where I get stuff done, and I even get ahead. Some weeks I put 120% of an effort. I try to do the best that I can.

And some weeks I do not do that. I kind of stray and just procrastinate. I'll listen to music, watch TV or movies. Go on the internet. But I won't do what I'm supposed to.

Not even the blogs. That's why I'm behind. But I'm catching up! I'll get there. And I'll try to stay on top of things this week. I'm taking life one week at a time. And Spring Break is next week. Finally.

So I procrastinated writing this post for Wed and here it is. And I procrastinated on my homework.

Errm not sure what else to say.

Singing Along

Sometimes I get in one of those random moods. No not those kind of random moods. Ya nasties. I like singing. Do I sing well? Nope. Not at all. But I still love it! And then I get in one of those moods where I just want sing at the top of my lungs. Any song. I put my earphones in and then the music surrounds me. And I want nothing more than to lose myself in the music.

(I'm not having a bad day, I just like singing and I like being in these moods ).

Usually I pick a song and it sort of becomes my "anthem" for the day. I sing it over and over again. I sing it loudly and quietly.

Everyone always talks about how a song they like gets over played and then they get annoyed and can't stand it anymore. Yeah, that doesn't happen to me. I have literally played a single song for over an hour straight. And I just don't get tired of it.

The types of I love are usually either the loud and partying makes you wanna dance or the sad and slow almost ballad type songs.

It just depends on my mood. And even when I listen to a sad song I'm rarely ever actually sad.

So today I sang. I sang at school (in my head) while listening to music on my laptop. I sang (in my head) while listening to my iPod on the bus on the way home. And when I got home I went on youtube and instead of doing homework I sang.

Woohoo!

Singing I truly think makes a day better and not even that, but music, listening to music makes life so much better. I truly think it's an essential part of our lives.

And there's no reason for us to ever shy away from it.

Learning

Learning. I love learning. That's why I loved going to school. To learn. I loved being that nerd that soaked up every little bit of information. Even the boring things seemed to hold somewhat of an interest. I loved it all. I read it all.

I'd go home and watch the History Channel and the Discovery Channel. I watched all of that. I was a smart little cookie.

And then things changed...stuff changed. Sometimes, some days school seems like a drag and it's something I don't want to do.

And I've come to the conclusion it's not because I'm being a bad student (although I'm not saying I'm the best student).

But school has changed. I'm not positive but at one point school was different. It wasn't about learning anymore. All I seem to do is be tested on everything and anything. And I hate it. It's come to the point where I truly feel like "getting an education" is not about learning anymore, rather it's about remembering enough to get you through a test and throwing it out and starting anew. Life sucks. And school systems suck.

There I said it.

Why can't we bring back the passion for teaching and more importantly learning? I don't think people realize how we have so much potential and so many chances to learn. And we don't take the chances. And when we've become "learn-ed people", we seem more ignorant. Why do we stop trying to learn? And it's not like we even teach others what we know? It's horrible what we do. We're all ignorant and the key to knowledge is in our pockets but we don't reach into them and take the key out.

And that's our mistake.

Just a penny for your thoughts today.

Sundays

Let it be known to the whole world that I dislike Sundays. I always have and for the present I will continue to. Maybe later on in life I won't mind them. But for now my feelers ain't changing.

When I was a little kid I used to hate it with a passion. Friday I'd get out of school and the weekend was all mine. I'd get to stay up late! Although looking back I don't even think I'd stay up that late, I'd go to bed at 11 or 12 if I was feeling like a rebel. My imagination made the weekend that much more exciting. My sister was still too young for her to actually provide me any entertainment. I had my books that I loved reading, I had a gameboy and I watched movies and cartoons. Back when Cartoon Network was the bomb diggity and Disney Channel had high class shows. That's So Raven anyone? Although even that came later on. But still. Friday nights I watched X-Men Evolution. Or something on the Disney Channel.

Then came Saturdays. There I'd be in front of the TV screen by 8 am. Ohh the irony. I hated waking up early during the weekdays but weekends I didn't mind it! Digimon, Pokemon, Yugioh, Scooby-Doo, I watched it all. And I loved it. Saturdays were for the most part always fun. I always had everything I needed to make the best of it.

Then came the unspeakable Sunday. This is what the post is about. I hated them because I'd wake up Sunday knowing my weekend was done. I didn't like going out to parties or dinner or anything remotely fun because I'd have fun  but then I'd have to go home only to go to school the next day.

I'd have to go to bed early. I'd be counting the hours and minutes. And then it'd be bedtime and I'd reluctantly go to bed. But I could never sleep. It would take hours for me to fall asleep. And then it'd be Monday and the week would start over again.

Now? Now Sundays are my homework days. Everything I procrastinate is done on Sundays. That's not changing any time soon. And once in a while they're my lazy days.

But I guess I don't dislike Sundays as much as I used to. It's just a day that signifies the end of the weekend for me. And the start of something new.

Red Lobster

For the first time in years I got to go to Red Lobster on Saturday. My parents both had days off and we wanted just a nice family dinner at a restaurant. With everything that's happened the past couple of months it was needed. So we dressed up and went out.

I had starved myself that day so I could eat. And oh boy.

Unfortunately I was full by the time my actual meal came out.

It started with a tall glass of peach lemonade which was Heaven in a cup. I chugged that down. Then I had like two of the biscuits with butter in the middle. Yum. Then the appetizers. Stuffed mushrooms. More yum. Then some nachos with some lobster stuff. Yesss.

Then more biscuits and a salad that ended up with me spending way too much time eating the salad. I don't even like salad but I ate it.

So then my huge plate came out and I ate like half of it and was ready to never eat again.

And I chugged another glass of peach lemonade. Seriously. Try it. My mouth's watering just imagining that lemonade. And I don't even know why but that lemonade was my favorite part. You know, normal peoples' favorite parts of restaurants are the food or hell even the location. But me? It's all about the lemonade. Seriously. I'd kill for another glass.

Well not really, but you get what I mean.

Breaking Dawn

I did go to the midnight release of Breaking Dawn pt 2...I went with my family. And I bought the movie. I own them. And I can close that chapter of my life. Successfully.

Now I first read Twilight, when I was in 7th grade wayyy back in the day. My friend who now is my "sisfo" recommended it to me. And I hadn't read too many Vampire books back then. It wasn't as much of hit. And she said it was something different and had a pretty good villain. So I was like sure! I'll read it.

I still remember reading through it. It was interesting for me because it was the first time I had read something remotely romantic. Aside from other books that had hints and teases of romance. But here was this book where the love between the two main characters was the story. And it had vampires, and I'm not gonna lie I had a bookworm crush on Alice. And so I read it. I thought it was pretty good.

I read the second book, it added depressing elements which I liked and werewolves and truly bad ass Italian villains. I was ready! And it added a love triangle something I wasn't completely used to, so I was like who's Bella gonna pick!?

The third book had much more action and sexual tension. I loved it.

The fourth book. I was like uhh...What?

But now being older and having reread it like two years ago, I appreciate it more. Being an 8th grader reading it especially after an exciting third book I was pissed because she got married and had a kid. Like WTF right? But once I was older I was able to appreciate it more. I still hated that it didn't have as much action or really any action. It was the finale book. I wanted something exciting! Deathly Hallows was, why couldn't Breaking Dawn!

Then the movie came out....Twilight. And to do this it's one of the most awkward films I've ever watched. I don't think Kristen Stewart was ready for the role and I dislike the director Catherine, because she made it horribly awkward to watch onscreen. And of course the actual story on page was fine even great, but onscreen. *shivers*. Edward is a controlling stalker. Bella is terrible and too much of a damsel in distress.

New Moon the movie was better. They changed their looks slightly and they actually looked badass. There were more special effects and my favorite parts were with the werewolves, Volturi, and the brief Victoria scene. I digged it. Much better than the first film.

Eclipse was def much darker and I appreciated that. More action and they continued to look bad ass. I approved.

Breaking Dawn Pt 1: I expected it to be like the film and I was disappointed. But the movie did  not disappoint. I think it was done very nicely and set it up for the finale.

Breaking Dawn Pt 2: It is my favorite of the films. Their acting got better. Everyone once in a while Kristen showed emotion. The little girl looked like she could be their daughter. The quasi-battle was amazing and when I first saw it I kept cussing and feeling confused and it had my emotions tingling. It was very nicely done and the last scene made me very nostalgic because I'd first opened that book in 7th grade. Now here I was watching the finale to this "saga" 6 years later.  My how time flies. I was sad because this was at one point part of my life, and when HP was done I was distressed, and now something else has ended. It's bittersweet and whatever there may be complaints about this series, I can honestly and truly say I was a fan wayy before a movie, I was a true fan. And I saw it to the very end. I'm proud to say that. And I took my family to the midnight release so I wouldn't look like a loser.

Now I can move on.

Orchestra

Thursday my sister had a zone concert. She's in middle school and it's where various elementary (6th graders), her middle school and my old high school get together and play. Last year was her very first zone concert and my last concert. We got to play together so to speak and it was a very special moment. 

Watching her play, and my high school friends play was surreal. It was the first time I'd been there without actually playing at the concert. For 7 years I played. And now I'm done with that part of my life, and watching them play, I really wish I wasn't done with it. I wanted nothing more than to put on my button up shirt and slacks and sit down and play my violin. 

I miss the music I was able to play, I miss being able to leave life aside and just focus on the music. I will always love classical music, I will always be proud to say I was that kid that was in Orchestra from sixth grade to the very end of high school. 

I still remember each and every single one of my concerts. They all hold a special place in my heart because they helped me when I needed help. 

I will make my kids play an instrument and hopefully if I do my job right, I'll be able to make them fall in love with it so that they don't hate it. 

But for now I'll continue watching my sister play and enjoy it. I know she enjoys it as well. And appreciates it. And that makes me happy.