Lucky

I was going to talk about Black Friday today and how exhausted I am having gone to bed at 1. Waking up at 3 not to go shop but to help my parents with their second job at the mall. I am exhausted. It's been a long day and it's still not over yet. I was gonna vent about being tired, and all the annoying people. But when I went on Facebook today I saw something, and that's what I'll focus on today.

Lucky. This kinda fits with last night's post, how lucky we are to be alive. I went on Facebook and saw a status from one of my newer friends that I've made this year. He was saying how thankful he was for some person and I figured it was just another Thanksgiving post. But it wasn't. He was in an accident and his friend passed. And he's alive.

I'm not going to be like one of those fake people that freaks out and acts like we are best friends. But it's pretty crazy, he's one of the first friends I made this year and it's really crazy to think how our lives can change in a matter of minutes, and how we can cease to live.

It's almost like we are so insignificant. Our lives can end very easily. Every breath we take brings us closer to our last but that should not be a reason to give up on life or be depressed about it. Instead we should focus on the fact of how lucky we are to be alive.

Every day that we wake up is a new miracle. And if there's anything you take from today's entry I hope it's at least a moment to consider how lucky you are to be reading my post. Thank you. And I hope you all enjoy life to the fullest and make the best of it all.

Have a good day.

Blogging About Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and I can't believe it. Time flies so fast and it's not stopping. So this post is dedicated to saying Thank You and celebrating my 25th post.

I'd like to thank my family although I doubt any of them will ever read this, But I love my parents, and during the holidays I don't see them as much as I'd like to which sucks but I still love them to death. I'm 18, but I'm not afraid to admit that I still need  my parents for a lot of things, without them I'd be lost.. To me my mom is the most amazing woman in the world, I love her, she's been through a lot and still finds it in herself to smile and try to make the world lighter for everyone around her. I will always be proud of her.

My dad, I love him and appreciate how he's always looking out for me and my sister. He is someone that never quits and if I'm lucky I'll be half as great as both my parents. Then there's my little sister who I would surely love to choke sometimes...Just Kidding. But I love her. I know there's a huge difference in age between us. I'm 18 she's 12. Well not that big but still she's starting middle school and I'm starting college we are at two very different points in life but honestly I would rather die than have to live a life without her. I love watching her grow, and I love talking to her and watching her appreciate school and talk about things she's learning. She can make me laugh when no one else can. And she's one of my greatest friends.

My dogs. I have five (small dogs) and I don't care that everyone hates on small dogs or my own. I love them to death. Who else is always 100% excited to see me every single day and they express it. I love going out because I know that when I come home I'll have five wonderful dogs looking at me like I'm their hero. They make me feel special.

I love my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I don't see them as often as I'd like but there is something about each of them I can admire or laugh about and I love them all.

My friends... The ones that I've had and kept I love them, I'm at a point in life where I have only friends I actually want anyone else not worth it is out of the game. I only have friends that I love and would do anything for and the best part is I can feel that I am equally important to them. Friends who I can be weird with, who I can talk about things like shows, food, people we hate, people we love, songs, secrets, rumors, lies, problems. Anything and everything.

I love my home because I can come home and feel at home. I'm so thankful for what I have and who I have in my life.

I'm thankful for my teachers and coaches in HS, and everything I learned from them.

I'm thankful for the chance of going to college.

I'm thankful to God for letting me live and enjoy life with what I have and the people that matter.

I'm thankful for the little things in life, like watching the rain fall and the wind blow or leaves changing in the trees. I'm thankful for the things as simple as being able to read and write, for seeing and hearing.

I'm thankful for this blog. This blog where I can blog about anything and everything and not be judged. It's a way for me to vent, to do something I enjoy. I'm thankful for each and every one of you that actually reads this blog. Thank you for sticking with me through 25 posts! May there be plenty more in the years to come.

I'm thankful to be alive and be able to continue breathing.

I'm thankful for things like being able to sleep and not being an insomniac. I'm thankful for music and movies and shows and books that can take my mind off things.

And guess what? I'm even thankful (somewhat) for my problems because I know I can learn something from them all and if it helps me come out victorious then so be it.

I'm thankful for another year of living and having a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for everything. Thank you.

Yes I realize it's a bit after midnight and therefore it's [Black] Friday. But shhh pretend it's still Thanksgiving!

Missing Mood

Yesterday I found myself  in a "missing mood", what do I mean by that? I mean that I found myself thinking of the past and missing certain people and missing the past. Things have changed. Very quickly. Earlier this year I was in HS not even wanting to think about college yet because that meant I'd have to think about what I needed to get done. And now here I am three weeks away from finishing my first semester in college. It's scary how things have changed all in one year.

I barely see people now that I used to see and talk to every day in HS. Or I see people that I never used to see and we're closer now. So it's not all bad. It's just different. So there are the random days when I miss the normality that I used to have. Don't get me wrong I wasn't sad yesterday, I was fine, it was a pretty good (normal) day. But I was missing people and events and moments and my old life for a  bit...

But life goes on right. And I'm fine with that...for the most part.

Life. Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

"If I knew you'd say it back I'd admit to missing you, but you won't, so I don't."

That has quotations but that's actually something I made up. Maybe it'll be my next Facebook status eh?

Anyways, I guess I'm doing goo. The bad news is no longer a problem, and it's almost Thanksgiving. And guess what? I'm almost to my 25th post! And yay over 200 views. Of course 190 of those are probably from me...but whatever I ain't even mad bro. Anyways, have a nice day whoever reads this!

Random ending note. I think they should make a Monster's Inc sequel. Yes I know about the prequel. I said sequel not prequel. The end.

Bad News

I was going to blog about this yesterday, but for obvious reasons I didn't.

Sometimes you're going through your regular day and you're happy that it's a Friday. And then you get some bad news. But it doesn't quite hit you. You don't understand what this means or what is happening. And you're numb. You know you should be scared and worried and ready to maybe cry. And you are worried. But you can't really feel anything else. You feel like it's not true. Like it can't happen. But it is happening and as much as you try to not believe it deep down you know it's true. And that's where it is very frightening. And that's where it sucks. You get frustrated because you aren't feeling much.

It sucks to find out a loved one is in the hospital. And it sucks not being upset about it. I like to think it's because I'm being optimistic but really I feel like it's simply because I'm numb. I've been numb for the longest time to a lot of feelings, and this is really the first time I'm talking about it here on the blog but yes I feel kind of broken. I'm numb.

I'm a numb person.

But anyways the loved one is doing much better and she should be out of the hospital soon and I'm very thankful and relieved for that. It's just those little things that happen and you'd wish you could go back in time and stop it from happening so they wouldn't be in pain.

But regardless bad news sucks. And I was very frustrated yesterday when I couldn't tap into the emotion that I should have been able to. My mind should have been freaking out but instead it simply refused to believe it was true and because of that it felt like it hadn't happened and it felt like a normal day. And I hated that.

I'm just glad that my loved one is better and with time she'll heal. And I don't even know if being numb is a good thing or not. It allows me to think logically and be calm when others might not be. But being emotionally detached. I don't like it. So we'll see.

Ode To Jenna and Other Stuff

This is an ode. To Jenna. Duh, I'm sure you could tell from the title. No Jenna isn't a girl from my school, or anything, my love life is dead right now.

By Jenna I mean Jenna Marbles. One of my friends introduced me this lovely young lady who posts funny videos on Youtube a couple of weeks ago. And when I watched the first episode I was like huh. This girl's pretty and she's funny. But the more I watched her videos the more I love it. She is so hilarious. And I appreciate my friend for introducing me to Jenna's videos.

Jenna talks about anything and everything and I love it all. And the best thing whenever I have a down day I know what to do. Go on youtube and watch her videos! And I suggest you all do the same.

Seriously she's freakin' amazing. If I ever meet a girl like her, I'm marrying that woman. Or I'll settle for Jenna herself. Whatever it's cool bro.

So I got money today from one of my scholarships yay! I have procrastinated on two essays this week and turned them both in on time. Very successful of me I'd say.

So yesterday I had a meeting for my club HOSA, and it left me with a lot of thinking to do. It talked about the requirements for Medical School and it was something that was very interesting. It made me realize how impossible it is to get into Med School...and yet how I may have a chance.

I'm determined to shine and stand out. I will do what I can and give it my all. But I'm not going to lie. I'm scared. Scared pantsless. I'm not sure yet how I will achieve my goal but I plan on doing whatever it takes. But yes I am scared and I will always be ready to admit it.

For tonight. That is all.

 Word.

Behind and Balancing

I'm not sure what's wrong, am I becoming retarded at living, or is it just that point in the semester but lately I'm always behind on everything. Well not so much behind as in a hurry and getting things done in the last minute, what the hell. Don't get me wrong, I haven't let it affect my school work or anything. I still turn everything in on time and it's never been bad. Although the work I turn in may be about 80% of my capacity rather than 100%.

I don't know if it's the fact that because homework is usually due like at one certain day of the week, for example all my math homework is due on sundays at midnight, which means I don't start doing it till later in the week, I lack motivation to do it because it's not an immediate threat such as an essay that is due on tuesday at 10pm. I try to balance it as best as I can but I'm always not putting a 100% into something whether it's my homework, my chores, my friends or me being a brother/son.

It's really frustrating because I don't even work so I have no idea why I am behind and having trouble balancing things. And for some reason I never get a good night's sleep during the week which makes it annoying friday and saturday nights when by ten I am literally dozing off on the couch. I can't even watch tv because I'm so tired.

This past weekend I bought the first season of Heroes. And I've only seen like three episodes of it because I keep falling asleep. No bueno. Oh well I need to do something to change things up.

Because of all this I haven't sat down and read a book for more than fifteen minutes in over a month, and quite frankly it's pissing me off. I was the type of guy that read like three or four books a month and now I can't even read one.

I need to get my s**t together. And I will. I just need to figure out how to do it. I'm going to try and get all my homework done ASAP, I'm gonna try and go to bed earlier during the week days, find a good book to read and make sure I don't pass out by 11 on the weekends.

This is my resolution. To balance everything and find peace within myself. We shall see where it goes. Wish me luck!

Inspiration

So at the current moment I'm working on a little writing project of mine. A short story if you will and when I have a writing project it is always in the back of my head creating and conjuring up ideas, plot twists, situations and such. And lately I've had this scene in my head but I decided I'd write it down before it gets lost in the abyss that is my dark mind haha.

Anyways, a little background knowledge on my short story. Ever heard of Anastasia? The lost Russian princess who's family was executed and she was believed to be dead. And years later a young woman turns up claiming to be her. Although in real life this was later proven wrong and that young woman wasn't really Anastasia and Anastasia really had died along with her family.

There's also an animated movie about her commonly believed to have been made by Disney although this is wrong. And the movie is wrong too. In the movie a more romantic image is presented the girl proves to actually be Anastasia she's reunited with her grandmother she falls for the kitchen boy yada yada and they all lived happily ever after. Don't get me wrong, the movie is still good I like it.

So my story will kind of be a modern retelling loosely based on the movie/real life situation. There's a powerful family in a town who are executed the night of the little girl's birthday (in my story her name is Annalina). The only people that survive are the grandmother and the aunt. So years later the possibility that someone survived that night comes up and there's a young 18 year old girl who's parents recently die and soon her life becomes intertwined with this whole dilemma.

But my story will also largely focus on the villains (if you know me you know my obsession over villains. They simply are what makes any story juicy). It'll focus on their reasons for wanting the family dead and what exactly happened the night they were killed. Of course when this young girl shows up and could possibly be the long believed to be dead Annalina the villains will be none to happy and all hell will break loose.

That's a lot of background knowledge, so let's begin my scene before I forget about it...

   Amber took her first steps into the city. This was the city of Ruse. Her insides felt numb, she couldn't even feel the joy of being in a different place. Her life was changing. Only a few days ago she had been in her little hut with her parents, living a nice life, she had been wishing for change to happen. And it had. Now her parents were dead, and she was all alone. She didn't know what she was supposed to do here and what she was supposed to find out. But she knew she hated herself. How many times had she imagined coming into a city, She had imagined her coming into the city in the happiest of terms, with the residents singing and dancing. It had all been a wonderful image...and now it seemed like a slap to the face, a cruel twist of fate had brought her here.

   One of the first little shops she came across was a bakery and seeing it she realized the fact that she was cold. It was cold out, it was the middle of December of course she was cold. She went into the little bakery. An elderly man with a huge grin and a great big white mustache was whistling setting his bread in all the correct places. As the door jingled, he turned around to see who had come in.

   "Well good morning to ya." he said and smiled. "What would you like to try today at Baker Baker's Bakery?"

   "Baker Baker's?" Amber asked.

   "Yesh. I am a baker, and ma name is Baker. And this is a Bakery." he explained and Amber nodded. "I would say try the delish Maple Bars, I just er finished bakin' 'em."

   "I'll try one." Amber whispered.

   "Try two." he answered and went to grab the bars. He brought her the two bars in a small plate. "And have some er chocolate milk, you like too young for coffee." he said and smiled as he handed her a glass of chocolate milk. She took a bite of the warm maple bar and felt her mouth explode as the sweetest, warmest and most delicious flavors filled her mouth. Her stomach growled as it eagerly accepted the food. The baker looked at her and smiled.

   "Where did you say you're from?" he asked her and she froze.




And that's all folks! I mean it doesn't sound intriguing, I know, and it's just a simple small scene. But I could clearly see it, and it's one of my warmer scenes before she has to go through everything that life will throw at her!

Recap of My Life...So Far

Sooo this is another recap, the past few posts I've done have been about specific topics and not about my life and what is "up" with my life. And because I've been on break for the longest time...alone...I might as well add another post even if I've done one for the day.

So school is going alright, I've had homework and projects and essays and tests. Same old same old. I finally feel like I've actually made friends in most of my classes and I appreciate that, because I hate feeling like a loser haha nevermind the fact that I'm all alone as I'm writing this haha. But anyways.

The weather continues to get colder with its random stupid sunny days, but it is supposed to snow tomorrow, so we shall see how that goes. The leaves are changing rapidly and falling and I continue to love it.

It's also getting really really dark out super fast. On Monday after my class ended at 6:20 it literally looked like it was ten at night. Quite scary eh?

I haven't been able to read as much as I would like but I checked out two books from the library and my goal is to finish them this month. I used to read like three or four books a month and now it's been over a month since I've sat down and read for more than fifteen minutes and I hate that I haven't read. I don't like not having time to read. So I'll try to fix that. We'll see how that goes.

I haven't had much of a chance to write either, but the brief times I do I appreciate it.

On Tuesday  I was glued to my computer and my tv....waiting for the results of the election. I was anxious and really nervous to see who would win. And oh boy when I found out who won I was- Now did you really think I'd talk about who I voted for. If you know me personally you know, if you don't then it's probably not something to worry about. But the cool thing was that I could say for this election I voted! I was a small, tiny part of it, but a part of it nonetheless.

I haven't seen much tv because again I've been busy and it's all blah. There's never anything good on anyways.

And today, later today in fact as part of my club my friends and I we are going to volunteer at the foodbank so that should be fun. I am ready to help!

With a three day weekend coming up hopefully things worthy of talking about will pop up and then it's Thanksgiving and the ever present dark cloud that is known as FINALS. Yeaaa shiFt just got real. And then the semester will end and we will welcome Winter Break. Things are speeding by, and I'm not sure I'm likin' the speed, but I'll keep going with it and see what happens.

Oh and today is Bram Stoker's 165th birthday! The writer of Dracula! A book I am proud to say I have read and I own. It's definitely a book I would recommend someone to read before they die. It's a good one.

And that's all folks! For now! Dun dun dun!

Blast From The Past- Rediscovering Your Favorite Songs

Music, I can't believe I haven't exactly talked about this yet, and if you read the super long title for this post you'll notice I'm not talking about music in general in this post.

Needless to say I freakin' love music. I love listening to music and I played the violin for like 7 years, this is the first year I haven't played the violin since I was in 6th grade and it makes me sad when I think about it, it was a big part of my life and I loved it, it was my companion for the longest time.

But that's not what this post is about. For today I'm talking about the songs you used to listen to all the time for hours on end. The songs that perfectly described your heartbreak, your crush, your love for life or whatever it had been, the songs that described your life's predicaments. Those songs where you were like "wow this is me!"

And then life happens and things change and whether you want it or not, you change. You become a different you. It happens right, and then those songs you used to listen to all the time end up in the depths of your iPod or MP3 player, forgotten and you find new songs that fit the new you. And these new songs although you may love them now may be similar or completely opposite from what you used to listen to.

And then one day while your iPod is on shuffle or your radio starts playing one of your old favorite songs and then bam! Just like that you are transported back to those moments in your life when you would listen to these songs. And you remember exactly why you would listen to it for hours. And you remember why you fell in love with it and why it will always hold a special place in your heart. You remember who you used to be.

And at least for me after I listen to them I spend the rest of the day listening to them again and I just start to love it even more. Even if the song doesn't fit with who I am now I appreciate the fact that it was there for me when I was the person that listened to it.

The songs usually remind me of simpler times or even sad moments in my life, but that doesn't get me down, at all, why you ask? Because I can realize how I have grown, how I have changed, how that song helped me get through those moments, and it showed me how I came out on top.

I survived whatever I had been going through. I made it, and I changed (hopefully it was for the better). But those songs will always remind me of my past. I don't think it's a bad thing to think of your past and who you used to be, there's a difference between dwelling on it and remembering. I remember. And so this post is for those songs that I used to love and when I listen to them again I fall for them all over again. Romantic huh?

Some Days...Some Friends

Some days things don't go as planned. Some days are just plain bad. Some days people are dumb and annoying and really really frustrating. But what can you do? You can try to move on and not let it get to you. When the world seems to try to bring you down on your knees you flip it off and stand up proud and tall. That's my advice for the day. Embrace it.

So what helps me stand up? My friends. The ones I truly care about. There were a couple that made this day turn out ok. Some surprising. Some not surprising because they can always cheer me up. But regardless it is all appreciated.

I have a friend who we'll call O. I've known her for a really long time, we're onto lucky number 13 years of knowing each other. And I think we tell each other just about everything from "I think so and so is hot" to "I need to vent...*proceeds with vent*" to "I ate Pollo Loco today!"  its what friends do. And shes the person I vent to the most, and I can always count that she'll find a way to cheer me up. She makes me laugh about the dumbest things that would be shaming if anyone found out what we talk about and we can talk about anything and everything and then its like my problems are gone at least for a while. I love it. Thank you O if you're reading this. If not then screw you, you'll never know what I said about you haha. Just kidding.

Then there's another friend who I love and miss dearly. But she's still stuck in HS and she will bug me with her texts, just kidding, it's nice to know she remembers me, and she's always willing to listen and even if I don't wanna vent to her sometimes but I know I can and I really appreciate that. Her and I keep making plans to hang out and then we never do, but whenever we do eventually hang out I'll be excited to hang out with a really good friend like her..even if I don't approve of her religion. Just kidding I'm not like that. Thank you miss K.L.

There's my friend 'smile girl'. I love her to death. We can talk for hours and we do and we talk about stuff like women's rights(what rights? heehee jk) to superheroes to life problems and our views on things. I love that we both have so much to say about whatever topic it may be and aren't afraid to discuss it with each other. That's what friends should be like. Someone you don't have to hide your opinions from. And then boom my problems are forgotten. Thank you.

Then there's friends you love and don't always keep in constant contact like you want to but all it takes is a simple text that they send and you appreciate them for it. Thank you. It made my night.

So when life gets you down, just find the strength in your true friends and stand up. You are never alone in your problems, there is always someone that can help you in the littlest or biggest ways possible.

Thank you all. This message was approved by...well me. Duh.

Remember, Remember, The First of November

It's November 1st. Halloween is over. October is over. The semester is almost over. The year is almost over. Huh...Time goes by extremely fast. And I don't know that kind of makes me sad. Everything seems to be speeding by and I feel like I only truly enjoy bits and pieces of it. But its a whole new month, so why not think positive and hope for the best this month. Do the best you can and enjoy it. Because before we know it we'll be in December...and then we'll all die.

Just kidding. I don't think the world will end in December. But anyways. I like November. Its Turkey month, the weather continues to get colder and nicer and I generally like it. It starts getting normal to listen to Christmas Carols. It's a fun month and one can only hope it'll be a good one. The leaves truly begin to fall and change colors and it all looks beautiful. That's like one of my all time favorite parts.

I guess I don't even know where I'm going with this post but I felt like talking about how stuff speeds and hoping for the best.

Maybe something exciting will happen this month. We will see.