Disappointed

On Friday I went to Relay for Life at my school. It was a club event. So I signed up to go with  my club. And I registered and paid my fee. I was actually really excited. For those of you that don't know what it is, it was basically a walk-a-thon for cancer. It was from 6 in the afternoon to 6 in the morning. I had planned to stay the whole night. I was ready and I was pumped!

And I hate that I always do this. I'm a negative person, yett for certain things I always seem to have positive expectations and I hope for the best. Especially when it comes to school events. Maybe it's because I'm a romantic deep down, but I always picture these events going in one direction and they never go anywhere near that direction.

So I got there 15 mins early and went to sign in. Because of my luck they couldn't find our club on the list and they had to look online and their internet was down so I was waiting for over 15 mins. And once I was let in no one else from my club was there. So I sat on a bench for like an hour till some of them arrived. Now I'm a freshman, and one of the few freshman in our club so everyone else there was a junior. I asked them if they were going to stay the whole night. "Nope, no, hell no, ha! No" is what they all said.

But my best friend was coming and we had both planned on staying the whole night so I was like whatever. She got there and as it went on everyone from our club left without saying goodbye and we hadn't even had a spot reserved because the admins of our club hadn't gone to the Relay meetings.

And maybe it was just because I was in a sour mood but really it didn't seem like an event for cancer. Cancer was really focused on for like 15 min. And it really seemed like just one big party for clubs/Frats/Sororities to get together and have fun. And that wouldn't have been so bad if our club had actually done that. While we didn't even have a spot or people, other clubs had brought tons of food and games and tents and pillows and blankets and it was all really cool and awesome looking.

And I can't help but hate how out of over 200 clubs I seemed to have picked the worst one. And these people are the future health professionals. Yet they can't even get things straight for a school event.

Needless to say we didn't stay the whole night. And so there I was home before midnight.

My parents laughed at me. A lot.

So another event ruined and disappointed.

But I gotta say I'm glad people showed up and I know money was raised for cancer and the moments dedicated to it were powerful. So that was the one good thing.

Growing Up

"When I grow up I want to be doctor," said the 18 soon to be 19 year old.

^^ That's me. It's awkward saying "when I grow up" because I'm 18. 18 year olds are considered much more mature, young adults. But I really don't feel old. I don't, I still have some friends I talk to that are in HS.   I went with friends to play laser tag over spring break for crying out loud. I'm not an adult.

I don't want to grow up. It's scary. There's so much to handle and do. So many responsibilities. I don't want to deal with that just yet. Believe it or not, call me crazy, but I don't want to move out of my house yet. Simply because I know I'm not ready. I don't have a job or a car, what the hell would be the point of me moving out?

Sure sometimes my parents can be frustrating but they love me, and I've got a good thing going for me right now, why fix what isn't broke ya know? And yeah I'll admit it, if I'm living at home, free food, free laundry, TV, internet, phone etc. Tons of benefits! I'm fine for now. And I do love spending time with my family, sue me for not being an average teen who can't stand his parents or sibling(s). That's not to say I don't find them annoying sometimes. We all do.

A lot of my friends are out getting jobs, dropping out of college, getting married, having babies, moving out and doing all these crazy and wild things. I don't understand how that happens, I'm not judging but I really don't envy them. It's just weird thinking of a friend that I grew up with moving out, or getting married. We aren't even that old. Just barely 18-20. I personally think they all need to calm their tits. Pardon my language.

I guess this is why I love the story of Peter Pan, the boy who refused to grow up. It's an intriguing thought, but somehow I think society wouldn't accept it, and rather than thinking what a cute boy, they'd think what an immature loser.

Now that's not to say I don't want to grow up ever. I do, just not right at this moment in time. I want to enjoy life, I want it to slow down, because I'm not ready. I know eventually one day I will be ready, but until then I don't wanna!

Makin' A Video

As most of you probably know I am writing a story/book whatever it may turn out to be. It is at 75 pages right now. And I couldn't be happier. It's at 75 pages and I'm not even halfway done with it, so I am on cloud 9. And I've actually been getting readers! People actually like it and comment on it! It's always nice to have people take the time to read my stuff so I'm fricken happy.

Nothing can bring me down from this high! Well except for a long list of things, but you know what I mean.
I'm really pleased with the way my story is going and the fact that I can manage time to write. It makes me a very happy Panda.

So to celebrate Wednesday night I did something I had never done before. After like an hour of looking up ways to make a video, I decided to try to give it a go. Using Windows Live Movie Maker, nothing too exciting or extreme. So I started tinkering with things here and there.

And then when I was going to make it I realized I had to figure out exactly what kind of people I imagined my characters would be. More importantly what actors/actresses I would use.

So that took some thinking and more time (at this point HW was completely forgotten). So I narrowed it down and decided I would try making character trailers. So I choose two of my characters and made a trailer for them. It took a lot of work, and it's not perfect at all. And I didn't even really make it, I just took scenes and mashed them together. And added music to it and called it an accomplishment.

After I was done I stashed it deep within my laptop's memory. It will probably never see the light of day, but I can say I made a character trailer and I'll feel accomplished no matter what. I'll probably watch it from time to time. To inspire me.

And one thing I noticed afterwards was how exhausting it is. I applaud the people that make videos. Never again will I underestimate it. And I didn't even do a lot of work. But I was exhausted. I was happy, and pleased and ready for bed.

Side Note: As mentioned in one of my previous posts, I love the song  She Will Be Loved and that is the song I used. I'm a very happy Mexican. :)

Scott

This post is titled Scott. Named after me. No I'm not being self centered when I named it Scott. But I can't believe I haven't done it yet, but let's talk about my name. Scott.


Obviously it comes from Scottish roots. There's no doubt about it. In fact I'd be shocked if it came from Spanish roots or something. But no its Scottish. Note, I am not Scottish, no one in my family is and although I can never truly be 100%  certain I highly doubt my ancestors were Scottish.


I'm Mexican. Born in America. I'm American.


I wish I could say there's so epic cool story behind my name. But...there isn't. My mom really liked the name Scott and the way it rolled off her crazy Mexican tongue (don't tell her I said that) and my dad was forced to accept her wishes because she was the one with the kid in her belly for 8 months (I was impatient and didn't stay in the whole 9 months) and hell if she wasn't going to name her firstborn whatever the hell she wanted.

I guess I'm glad because I could have been named some horribly stereotypical Mexican name like Tito or Pepe. Or even something horrible like Bendover. Bendover Tello....Get it? ....Whatever I thought it was funny. Anyways point being I'd rather be a Scott than a Bendover.


My name creates me and I recreate my name. Sure there's tons of Scotts. But how many of them are Mexican?

Sure there's tons of sassy, hilarious Mexicans but how many of them are named Scott? I love my name and embrace it.


My mom wanted me to stand out and be different. Break the stereotypes. And that's exactly what I try to do.
And one day when my dreams are fulfilled you'll all know that one Mexican named Scott. And think to yourself that's a hell of a guy, he's one of a kind.

Am I being hopeful? Yeah but why not?

It's who I am. I am Scott.

A Cold Spring's Day

When the flowers are meant to bloom...

    When the birds are supposed to sing...

         When the sun is expected to shine....

In Reno it doesn't.

    Reno doesn't follow the rules.

And I love it.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today was a cold day.

The snow was falling...

The rain fell at one point...

The sun hid and the clouds were out.

And I wouldn't have it any other way, if you know me you know how much I love cold weather so I was bundled up in my hoodie today.

This isn't a poem. But it isn't a regular old post.

Just something different. I suppose.

Why?

Sometimes it's a fine day.
Nothing bad. Nothing good.
But inside I'm not okay.
Inside I'm screaming.
Inside I'm crying until the tears do come out.
Inside I beg for help.
Outside I smile.
Inside I overthink everything.
Outside I smile.
Inside I feel alone.
Outside I'm not.
Inside I'm broken.
Inside I'm broken and angry.
Inside I'm broken and sad.
Inside I'm not me. But I am.
And all that's left to say is
Why?

Happiness

The pursuit of happiness. Something that is sometimes lost and forgotten. We continue to live without seeking our happiness. Instead we go and do things and jobs that may not be what we'd like but what we have to do. We don't do as much as we can for our body and health.

Wealth and health are two big aspects that can correlate to happiness. Some people may find happiness in their life through being 'filthy rich' while others are their happiest in knowing that they're healthy and may live to see another day.

Why do some people find happiness in money when there is a very popular saying that states the opposite? Perhaps its because the money provides a safety blanket. It reassures them. Money whispers to them at night  and makes all these types of promises.

Health offers them a chance to live again. Health promises that things will be better again. Health makes sure that they're well enough to carry on.

People think they need wealth in order to be happy, but what if we all suddenly realized that it should be a part of our lives, but it should not be our whole world? What would people do when it comes to seeking happiness?

What do we all seek in life?

Financial stability. Health. True love. Friends. Family. A home. Education and knowledge. Chasing our dreams. It seems like people stop chasing their dreams and stop pursuing happiness when life hits them. There are things that make us face reality. But why should we give up on being happy? Why can't we do what we must and what we want? We should find a way to accomplish this.

I think if we started off small it'd help. Why can't we find the beauty and happiness in the small things? The sun is out and hits our faces as we wake up. Let's be thankful. We get to go to school and see our friends let's make the best of it no matter what kind of day it turns out to be. We see the trees blooming around campus or our neighbor, stop for a little, take in the natural beauty. We get to see our family one day more, let's enjoy them because we all leave this earth eventually. So why not leave with a bang and knowing that we accomplished our dreams, that we lived and not only that but we lived a happy life. Why not? Why not leave this world in knowing that we made sure our loved ones knew exactly how we felt about them? Why not spreading a little light while we still can in hopes that one day our world will be brighter? And when we leave, we will have spread some happiness that will be spread among others who in turn can continue to inspire and spread it as well.