I am Mexican

I'm going to vent a little. And be warned this deals with racial things, and I don't mean to be racist. It is what it is.

I am Mexican. My parents are Mexican. Therefore I am Mexican. I'm American, I was born here so why wouldn't I be?

I'm extremely proud to say I'm American and I think I embrace it. But I'm also super proud and happy to be Mexican.

I am Mexican.

No, I do not wear baggy clothes, I'm not in a gang, I don't have tattoos, I actually like school and reading and I don't like rap.

But I've had so many (sorry) white people say I'm not Mexican and that they are more Mexican than I am.

Oh really? Please tell me how you speak Spanish fluently and you know the culture really well and your parents are Mexican and/or Hispanic. Tell me how you're brown.

What about me makes me "white" and "not Mexican"? The fact that I want to be successful in my life? The fact I listen to songs in English when yes I also do listen to Spanish songs and have favorite ones. Is it the fact I don't dress like an idiot? The fact I enjoy reading and writing? Maybe it's the fact that I even have a blog in the first place.

Mexican- People of or relating to Mexico and its inhabitants.

That is the definition of Mexican. Tell me where it says on there that a Mexican is some wannabe gangster that fails at school and commits crimes.

I speak Spanish fluently. I can read it and write. I go to my grandma's house and that is what I speak to her. I know how to make tamales and I help my mom or my grandma make them. I know what many other Mexican dishes are and I can enjoy them. I watch the news in Spanish, in fact that's the only time I watch news. The few times I watch the news in English is when it's something big like Presidential elections, or something big happened in the country.

I know where my parents are from. I can pronounce the places in Mexico.

I have nothing against the term "white washed" except the way it's used for people like me.

So I'm trying to be white because I want to be successful in life and I give my all in school.

Not trying to sound racist at all, but are white people the only ones allowed to want to succeed?


So next time you want to insult someone, think before you say anything.

Just because they don't follow a stereotype doesn't mean they aren't who they are.

And at the end of the day guess what? I can speak Spanish when I need it. And I can speak English when I want to. I can enjoy something called Pozole and crave a cheeseburger with fries. I can watch Primer Impacto and Channel 8 news and understand them both fully.

I know who Carrie Underwood is and I know who Ana Gabriel is. I know famous Hispanic singers are even before they die and are plastered all over the news.

I can proudly celebrate Fourth of July and El Grito.

I can think in English and Spanish.

Ouch. That's right I went there.

So don't try to tell me who I am. Because I know who I am. And I'm very proud of it. And I can actually prove it and show it.

That is all, have a nice day.

Writer

Lately, I've had urges. No not eating urges or sexual urges or urges to do anything illegal.

I've had writing urges. I've been wanting to sit down and write. And I don't mean write in my blog (although this is lovely). I just want to write again. My stories, poems etc. Everything and anything.

But I can never sit down and write it because then it all disappears and I'm left with frustration.

There's a couple of stories that have been circling my head and I want to sit down and write them but I just don't know. I need some sort of motivation. I've been thinking lately of maybe posting them on some website in hopes that people would read it and then I'd get people begging me to write more and then I would.

Before I used to have like two friends who would actually read my writing so I would write for myself and them, knowing they were anxious as to find out what would happen. Now they're busy with life and writing for myself gets boring sometimes. Because I do get excited about my writing but at the end of the day I kinda know what'll happen and I would like others to read what I write. I don't know.

So of course there's my Universe...ity idea. Then there's my Anastasia inspired story. And maybe revisiting some of my old stories that I would like to rewrite and include more (or even finish).

And lately I've had an idea of writing a story about a band. Like an actual band, and how they met and the band was formed and then they become world famous. And at least one of the members falls for a girl that used to be their best friend before they were famous. And she has a secret (nothing supernatural) and eventually stuff happens.

And I was excited about this idea. But then I was like so what? What about this would make people want to read it?

So I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to write, but I don't want to write for myself and I don't know what to write.

Grr.

The University-Orientation

Well here is another post on my show/story/whatever it may turn out to be.

This time we've gotten passed the pilot. And are on to the second episode. This episode would be called "Orientation", and if you guessed it'd be about Freshman Orientation then yes you are right. 

So some set up. The pilot obviously was about high school graduation and you meet two of the main characters Robert and Nicole. It focuses on their day, and their safe n sober and flashbacks are shown of their prom, them applying to college and other small memories. And eventually the episode ends with them sitting on Nicole's rooftop staring at the sun rise. Waiting, thinking about a new beginning. 

The second episode begins about three weeks after the ending of the first episode. It's been summer and Robert and Nicole haven't seen much of each other since then, but then their session for Freshman Orientation comes around and so they go together. 

Orientation- It's finally time for the moment they've been waiting for! Freshman Orientation! With summer in the air this day was bound to show up and it comes with a bang. A whole weekend with new people, new situations and new problems is sure to be an exciting start to the Universe...ity. 

In this episode most of the cast will be officially introduced. A group will be formed consisting of Robert, Nicole, and other Freshman named Erik, Sara, Rebecca and Nate. They'll eventually get to know each other and have to work together on several activities. Tensions run high between Nicole and Sara as they conflict and she begins flirting with Robert.

So here's a small scene from it.

"Erik, Rebecca, Nate, Nicole, Robert and Sara, stand over here."

Robert and Nicole looked at each other as they walked towards the stage where the director had told them to stand. Up the stage walked a girl with medium length dark brown hair and big brown eyes. She smiled tentatively and stood facing everyone. Up next walked a guy with short brown hair and big shades that seemed to cover half his face.

"He looks like a douche bag." Robert snickered and Nicole elbowed him.

Then a guy with black hair walked towards the stage, tripped a little and turned bright red as he faced the crowd.

And finally a blonde petite girl seemed to skip towards the stage. She beamed at Robert and Nicole.

"Alright, everyone introduce yourselves please." the director said and douche bag guy grabbed the microphone from him. Robert rolled his eyes and then he caught the blonde girl staring at him. He suddenly felt self conscious and too close to Nicole. He turned to look at Nicole.

"What?" she snapped as she interrupted the guy and everyone turned to stare at Robert and Nicole. "Ohh crap, sorry." she mumbled and blushed.

My Sister's Birthday

My little, baby sister turned 13 today. Not so baby anymore. But she'll always be my baby sis. I love that girl more than I love myself.

I still remember how as a little kid I always wanted a baby brother or sister. Everyone else in the world seemed to have one! I wanted one as well! I remember reading Junie B. Jones: Monkey Business. And that's how I imagined having a sibling would be.

I remember my parents telling me that I would have a baby brother or sister. I was the happiest kid in the world. I would share all my toys. I would tell them stories. I would be a great big brother. I wanted to hold my sibling in my arms. But I had to wait. 9 months my parents said. And so I waited.

And at 8 months almost 9 months my mom went into labor. I still remember that night. We had gone out to eat, and we went shopping. I saw an action figure that I liked from one of my favorite shows (Digimon). The action figure was one of the dragon Digimons and it was big enough like a teddy bear. I remember my dad telling me that that would be the last toy I ever got because everything would be for the baby. Surely, he was just scaring me right? I panicked briefly.

Eventually I got dropped off at my aunt and uncle's and my parents went to the hospital. I slept with my cousins and I held my action figure like a teddy bear and I couldn't sleep that night. I prayed that my mom and sister would be alright.

And in the morning I got to go meet my baby sister.

She was the smallest, cutest, pinkest baby I had ever seen. I didn't even understand how she could be brown yet look pink. She opened her little brown eyes and looked at me. And I knew I would face the world in order to protect her. And then she cried and screamed and I knew I was in for Hell.

13 years later and she's one of my favorite people. No one can make me as angry as she does. But at the end of the day I love her to death. No one can cheer me up like she can. There's no one I can call my blood sister but also my friend. Despite the big age gap we are still friends and I will always be here for her.

Who knows maybe one day she'll read this blog. And Stacy if you ever come across this, I love you more than anything in the world. And I will always be there for you. No one will mess with you as long as I'm around and even then, I'll haunt anyone that tries to hurt you. Love you.

Musical

What if life was a musical? I find myself wondering what it would be like from time to time. It wouldn't be like High School Musical or anything like that. It'd just be awesome.

What if everyone had a theme song? What would yours be?

I'm not even sure what mine would be. But Lord knows there are plenty of moments that I can see-er-well almost hear music playing in the background.

Think about how exciting life would be. It'd be easier to read the mood of a situation if you could hear the music playing.

What if we sang our feelings towards our loved ones (and it wasn't considered social suicide). It'd be more honest.

What if we lived in a world where music plays all the time and the music cannot lie, so if we said we were okay (even though we were feeling depressed) and a sad song played, people would know you were not okay.

There's so many moments that would change drastically because of music.

We love music don't we? Who doesn't love listening to something that relates to how they are feeling. Hell we wouldn't need iPods or anything like that.

"If life were a musical this is the part where I would stare at the moon and sing to it about my love for you."

Sometimes I do wish music had a bigger role in our lives.

I don't know maybe I'm just being silly and dumb. Just a random thought for the day.

Reeeecccaaaappp

So my first week of school was pretty successful I'd say. I love school and learning. So I'm excited for the prospect of learning. I really hope I make new friends because last semester I made like a total of five. And I'm not sure if they'll be lasting friendships. Whoever said you'll meet your best friends in college lied. Or at least it doesn't apply to me. I don't know I'm some weird exception maybe.

Homework is actually kind of a lot and not a lot. I'll finish it as soon as I'm done blogging. I need to read more. Because hell I am determined to keep reading on top of everything else!

Yesterday, Saturday, was a great family day. We went out and bought my sister a new bedroom set ie (bed, drawers and dressers etc) as an early birthday present. And then we bought this super uber cool dining room table. They are going to be delivered Monday. So I'm excited to eat dinner on it and do my homework on the dining room table. 2013 is off to a great start for my family and I'm very happy about that. I don't know how much bad this family could take. So this is just proof that life is a cycle. There's good times and bad.

So yesterday I bought myself an itunes card and I'm beyond excited. I don't even know what to buy. Music tv shows movies etc. I don't know. But it is there for me to buy.

And and and. I haven't even shared the biggest news yet. Fingers crossed but I have a big chance of getting a job. One of my friends recommended me to her boss. And once she posts the application and I apply she'll interview me. So send me good mojo or whatever it's called. More on this later.

Anyways. Yeah. That's what's up.

The 14 Day Project

So this week I had this idea slowly crawl up in my head.

I haven't really talked about love in my blog. And that has been on purpose. Love is just something complicated that I've really been just waiting for the right time to do it.

And that time is coming up pretty dang soon.

So my idea is with Valentine's Day coming up (a holiday I don't particularly hate or like) I figured why not do  a 14 Days of Love type theme all leading up to VD. So each day will be focused on a certain aspect of love.

I don't know I'm kind of excited as to how this will turn out. And I've never done something like this so we shall see.

Here are a list of potential topics for these 14 days (this project will start Feb 1st and go to Feb 14th). If you're reading this post lemme know which of these topics or other topics that I didn't mention that you would like me to discuss!

Anyways here they are (not in any particular order except the first one):

The first one I will do for sure will be on the definition of love. I'll discuss that one Feb 1st.
Soo..

1. Definition of Love
2. True Love/Soul Mates. Do They exist?
3. Love for Friends and Family (these may or may not be two different posts or just one).
4. "I Love You", a more in-depth reflection of when I said that to a girl (the first and only time I've said it)
5. Single and Ready to Mingle (Pros and Cons of Being Single)
6. Desperately Seeking...The One
7. True Love Waits...or Does It? (Yes this is about s-e-x)
8. Valentine's Day (The history of it and my history with it)
9. Expectations of a Relationship
10. Heart Breaks
11. An Original Piece of Writing done by me. A short story of love.
12. Love Songs (whether about being in love or out of love etc. And yes Taylor Swift will be discussed).
13. Unrequited Love
14. Ideal Dates

Those may or may not be the topics that I will use.

Stay tuned!

Homework

Somedays I don't mind doing my homework. I even kind of enjoy it. Yesterday, as in Thurs Jan 24th was one of those days. I procrastinated on my homework for a while simply because I didn't want to face the reality that yes I was back in school and yes I had to do my homework.

So eventually I got to it. And I found that to my surprise it didn't take me long to do my math homework. I even understand all of it. There were like two problems I actually had to really dig in deep to find out what they were but in the end I got the answer. I was proud of myself. I had done my math and I had gotten a hundred percent on it and I only spent an hour on it. And at least half of that was me being distracted.

I skimmed through my French which is what I was supposed to do. And it was all fairly easy and exciting. I love the French language and I want to continue my knowledge of it. I shall be a fluent trilingual. That's a word right?

Anyways, part of the reason why I sometimes like doing homework is the fact that I can take a break from my life's problems and just focus my attention on school work problems.

Fighting with my friends? No problem let's
figure out how to say "she is an intelligent and hardworking person who is studying to be a nurse and lives in Paris" in French.

Parents yell at me? An argument essay on why music and arts are important in public schools should fix it.

Feeling alone or depressed? Radicals, exponents, factoring and more should soon make me forget my depression and focus on my hatred of math! Yay!


Homework sucks, I'm not saying it doesn't. But sometimes it's better to think positively and realize that sometimes it has its uses.

And honestly I don't feel like a failure when I get a good grade on my homework. So that's always nice.

The First Days Pt. 2

This was my second first day of school. So I had three classes today.
English, French and Math.

Pro: I saw more friends!

Con: I still didn't see everyone. Our schedules conflict.

Pro: My English teacher seems really cool and our theme is pop culture and art!

Con: I had to state interesting facts about myself.

Pro: I got out of class 20 minutes early.

Con: (This will be be a future problem). I only have ten minutes to get from opposite sides of campus. Ugh.

Pro: I made it to French early.

Con: I'm worried that will be one of the last times.

Pro: It seems like a good class.

Con: There's another Scott in there.

Pro: Break with friends and Panda Express!

Con: Too short a break!

Pro: Math, easy day.

Con: Boring and there's a quiz this Friday. (gulp).

Pro: I got out early today, 1:50.

Con: Umm I actually think that's a good thing haha.

First Days are always hard and exciting. I love and hate them. Growing up every time there was a first day I spent the night before tossing and turning with anticipation and excitement. Having more of a romanticism view on life I always imagined that something exciting and awesome happened the first days. Did it ever? Nope. But that doesn't mean I wasn't able to enjoy the small moments. The moments I treasure. Like these past two days did something life changing happen? Not at all. But I got to see people I hadn't seen all winter break. We shared laughs and moments and caught up on the 411s. The classes were a nice start. And those although not huge and life changing are still really good moments.

First Days are also those days where I always get looks when teachers call my name and a brown Mexican kid raises his hand and says, "here" to indicate that he is named Scott. I see people look and I can see their thoughts flash through their eyes, "his name is Scott?" Am I exaggerating? Maybe a little, but I know it does pass by some peoples' minds.

I don't like attention to be on me so that's usually why I hate when I have to introduce myself. I wish I was more social and open but I concentrate so hard on what I want to say and I always stumble and usually blush, well "blush" just means my ears turn red. My face can't really get red, haha.

Anyways, I know I still have plenty of first days ahead of me. And I look forward to them. And I don't look forward to them. All in one.

Ok not gonna lie, I've done that before and even plan to wear my UNR hoodie Friday.

The First Days Pt. 1

Today was my first day of school...second semester. And I only had two classes. Which were at 1 and at 4 pm.

Pro: I got to sleep in.

Con: I started class when many of my friends were already leaving campus so I only saw like five people.

Pro: Two classes only today.

Con: Only two classes today and I felt almost like a bad student.

Pro: I knew my way to where I needed to get, so I didn't get lost.

Con: I still feel like a freshman sometimes.

Pro: I got to see my sisfo and some friends I didn't see much last semester. It was nice.

Con: I didn't see others.

Pro: I went on the bus to go home with one of my friends so we talked all the way especially because we live in the same street. Convenient? Yes very.

Con: We went on the bus and it was dark and there's creepers.

Pro: My classes don't seem like they'll be too hard.

Con: It's still Math and I suck at it and Anthro seems like a lot of boring and interesting moments.

Pro: I did not spend any money today! Woo!

Con: I didn't eat till I got home.

Pro: I'm excited for what my other classes hold tomorrow.

Con: I have school tomorrow.

Pro: I talked to a cute girl today in my anthro class.

Con: I didn't ask for her name -__-

Pro: I watched a new episode of Pretty Little Liars when I got home tonight and it was awesome!

Con: I have to wait a week for the next one.

Pro: Stay tuned for tomorrow's pt. 2 post.

Con: Nothing of course it's my blog and it's the bomb diggity!!

Good Night all. :)

This is kind of a lie, because my homework was to write a letter about myself and email to my teacher and for anthro I had to fill out some questions about myself and why I wanted to take the class. But I didn't have to do in front of everyone!

Monday

First let me say Thank you Martin Luther King Jr. I really do mean it. He changed a lot and proved how one person can make a difference.

And there was a holiday. Which means I get to start the new semester on a Tuesday.

I tried to enjoy my last day of winter break but I really couldn't. My throat is sore and that put me in a bad mood because I was off for a whole month and was fine but the day before school starts I end up feeling crappy.

I'm also anxious and nervous and excited and I don't know how this semester will go. But I want it to go great and I will do what I can to enjoy it.

So after this blog I will go and fix my backpack and maybe pick out clothes? Probably not. I don't know yet.

I don't know what'll happen these next couple of months, but I hope for the best. I will do what I can to be victorious.

My story continues and I don't think it'll be ending any time soon. Maybe some days it will have filler moments but I know in the end it'll be a worthwhile story.

Lazy Day

"Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in my bed."

Sundays are my lazy days for sure. And when school is in session Sundays are homework days.

So I was enjoying my last Sunday before second semester begins.

I'm nervous and excited as to what it will bring. I also read for a while and there really isn't much else I did.

I cleaned.

And there isn't much to report.

So that was that.

Although I ended the night with watching a new episode from Once Upon A Time one of my favorite shows.

I love it because I do love Disney films. And fairy tales were always intriguing to me. So that's what attracted me to the show. And fairy tale characters in our world? Of course that sounds interesting.

I can only hope they bring more characters and do them all justice.

Once upon a time...Scott sat around and watched TV and read. That was his Sunday. The end.

That was totally me while blogging.

A Good Saturday

My Saturday was a really nice day. I woke up bright and bushy tailed and took a shower. My family and I went to visit my grandpa at the cemetery, something we do every Saturday morning. It makes me happy to go and leave him flowers. So he knows that he is not forgotten and he is very much loved. I love that man.

Afterwards I went with my best friend to get our textbooks for our classes and I was happy to find out that it was like 200 bucks cheaper than last semester which meant more money. And then we ended that little trip with buying matching Wolf Pack note books. Hip hip hooray!

After this I went to my grandma's house to celebrate her birthday which was actually on Sunday but we celebrated it on Saturday along with my favorite aunt who came to visit, her birthday had been the 15th. I got to do something really special.

I took my parents, sister, grandma, aunt, uncle and two of my cousins out to dinner. They chose the place and after much debating we ended up going to the Black Bear Diner which was a first for me and I def recommend anyone to check it out. The waitress lady was really friendly and made it more enjoyable. The plates were huge and the meals were delicious and very filling.

We went to my grandma's afterwards where more family came and they brought food and we ended the day with cake and cupcakes.

All in all. A great Saturday.

Good Day and Goodbye

Today was a good day. I slept in and even though I don't exactly like sleeping in it was fine because I felt refreshed. I made myself and my dad some breakfast and it was pretty good. I read some more out of The Casual Vacancy and was pleased with myself.

I played Temple Run with my sister trying to beat each other's high scores (she won). And eventually I took a shower and got ready.

Got ready for what you may ask? I went out to coffee and dinner with one of my best friends. We hadn't seen each other since the beginning of winter break and although we talk like every day we still had a lot to talk about. And we did.

We spent like two hours talking and hanging out. We talked about what's right and wrong with our lives and it was nice. I love that we literally never seem to run out of things to talk about.

We had some laughs, and we had some venting done. And we talked about our future and our future plans and our fears. It was kind of conversation that you appreciate because it's things that you need to get out in the open.

One minute our talks were deep the next we were laughing about the dumbest thing possible.

And at the end when I got home what did I find in the mail? My financial aid check. I have enough for my textbooks and more. So that makes me a very happy camper.

I got a call from one of my friends and we talked for a while and then hung up, it was nice.

And then I got another call from the friend I had just gone to dinner with and there went two hours that were spent talking about even more things. I'm always amazed by how we can literally talk for hours about everything and anything. And she is on the list I have of like ten people that I never get tired of talking to.

So after all this I did something big and drastic and life changing.

One of my good friends recently told me of a website where I can download music. And in order for me to do this I had to delete my music from my iPod that hadn't transferred over to my laptop from my desktop. And I thought long and hard about this and for a second I panicked. The music on my iPod is what got me through high school. I'd be lost and gone without it.

And yet...as my blog is titled "the start of something new", I wanted a change. So I had a little over 800 hundred songs. Now I have like 269. This hurt saying goodbye to a huge part of my past. But I managed and am still in the process of just getting back the songs that really meant a lot to me. And now I have even more room to grow. My music taste changes a bit and I can add many new songs, songs that fit who I am now. And who I will be in the future.

So today was a good day and one where I finally put to rest some of my past, some of the old me. And this may not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. I'm ready to embrace change and something new.

Things are happening, and things are changing. And I hope when I'm through with it all I'll be someone different. But good different and at the end of the day I will still have the core that is me.

Dreams of Crushes Past

I knew there's a movie called Ghost of Girlfriends Past or something like that. And my dream(s) last night were very similar. I don't know why it happened. But I had a dream about three different crushes of mine. And all three were pretty significant in my life.

I don't remember the order but we'll start with the beginning one. I was at school just talking to her.

The first girl was my first crush ever. Way back in elementary school. I'm still friends with her, but in elementary school we were the best of friends since kindergarten. When she found out I liked her everything went to hell and it wasn't me who told her, but I had to admit it when she asked. And so I did. But the drama didn't end there and eventually I was made out to look like a bad guy so we stopped being friends for a while. I don't like her like that anymore and it's been years since I've felt feelings for her, so I don't know why I had a dream with her in it...

The next part of the dream was with the first and only girl to date that I have told that I love her. And I don't mean love like a friend but actually love. And we weren't even going out. I know it sounds stupid but I wasn't even the first to say it, she was. Her exact words, and I still remember and this was in the middle of high school, she said "Scott would you believe me if I told you that I'm falling in love with you?"

We were best friends for a really long time. And once high school started we drifted because of her boyfriend. Later on she broke up with him and at the end of our sophomore year we rekindled our friendship. That summer was the best and worst. We would constantly be texting and then we'd call each other and stay up till four in the morning talking on the phone and waking up at 8 am and we would text.

I did fall in love her. But there were so many things that got in the way. There were people and lies and conflicts bigger than her and I. And when tragedy struck her life I tried to be there and at first I was but she stuck with the wrong people and drifted from me. And now? Now she's in a relationship with some guy that hates the idea of her even having friends. I talk to her time to time and it's always has to be in secret from her boyfriend.

In the dream we ran into each other and were just talking.

The third girl was the friend I made in the middle of my senior year. She's the one I started hanging out with because she was new to school and no one would talk to her. So I decided to. I thought she was pretty and seemed nice. And we became instant friends. It didn't work out because she was a junior and I was senior and I was graduating and knowing from experience how to tough it was to stay friends with someone I knew a relationship would be even harder.

We're still friends. And in the dream it was her graduation and I went to see her, and I saw her from afar and she looked very very pretty but I wasn't able to talk to her because she was dragged away and I suddenly found myself surrounded by everyone I'd ever known.

I have no idea what these dreams meant. But there they are. Maybe I should talk to them?

Who knows.

For Good

This post is for Jan 16th, and this one and the next one (post for Jan 17th) will mark the first two posts of this year and perhaps of all time that I will really dig in deep into my dark past. Just kidding it's not dark.

So for this post. I got to hang out with some really good friends of mine. There's a certain song that I like and I actually had a conversation about this song with one of my friends yesterday. It's called For Good and it talks about how life changed for the better because they met a good friend.

Once upon a time there was an awkward teen. He didn't seem to fit in anywhere. And his freshman year in high school he found a group. He found a group he could fit in with. He spent all of his lunches with them, they were his best friends. And for a long time he lived for them, he enjoyed coming to school because it meant he got to see them all.

But eventually life hits and they all started drifting apart and he was crushed. He was depressed because he felt he was losing his place in the world (as corny as that may sound). But he was still friends with some of them and that was what mattered. His junior year was their senior year and as he watched while they were excited with their senior year he realized that they were at a very different point in their lives than he was. And he honestly would stay up at night thinking that they would graduate and he would be left alone. And he would cry over this. So even though it hurt his heart he decided to distance himself three of the girls.

There was one, a short and bubbly Asian who was like his twin simply because they were a lot alike and they shared a birthday.

There was a blonde and cold one who even though she may have seemed like some sort of ice queen she was far from it. She was really nice and a good friend.

There was another redheaded lady who had an amazing taste for music and was one of the nicest people he had ever met. And was an even better friend. He remembered talking to her and another certain bearded friend on the phone late at night.

These people were his friends and he decided to distance himself from them. And what hurt him even more was how easy they seemed to accept it. He thought it was his fault, that he wasn't a good friend. And maybe that was why they didn't care. He thought that they were happy to be rid of him and they could finally enjoy their senior year.

He wasn't going to lie. It sucked. Soon he was alone and he saw them in the hallways and they saw him and it was like they were all strangers. And he often times didn't have anyone to hang out with at lunch.

And then they graduated and he knew he would be alone.

He's not proud to admit it but almost every day at lunch he found himself alone. He would try to hang out with other friends but he never really felt like he fit in. He just wasn't comfortable. So he'd spend his lunch in the library alone, or he'd walk around campus, or he'd sit in a classroom. He would make sure he didn't finish his math tests so he could come in at lunch to finish them so he'd have something to do. And once he even spent lunch in a bathroom because he felt really alone. And every time he had to do this, he would get mini panic attacks and start to hyperventilate.

It wasn't until later on in his senior year that he made a new friend and began spending time with her. But before then he had felt really alone. Eventually things got better.

He graduated and made it to college. And then he was reunited with his old friends. They were all in college now.

All I can say is that I'm so glad I have my friends back and I hung out with them yesterday, and I had a really great time, even if for like the first half hour they spent it in some weird store called Forever 21.

For a while I lost touch with these three girls, but I know that things are good again. I found out part of the reason why they stopped talking to me their senior year (some horrible lie that made me look like a bad friend). But things were fixed, and I love them to death.

And this time I know our friendship will stay intact for a really long time.


The moral of this story is, yeah some times things are bad. But I can honestly say from experience that things really do get better.

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

Future Goals

I guess this is almost like my new years resolutions as well. But I got a couple of things planned for my life. And I'm kind of excited to see what happens and what I accomplish. Because I do want to accomplish these things.

Once school starts I will give my classes 110% of my energy and I will succeed in them. I will work my ass for them. And I will learn! And I will make the best of it! I'm pumped!

Which brings me to...this semester I will buy a gym membership and actually work out and once the weather gets warmer I plan to run around campus. So if anyone wants to be my gym/running buddy they are more than welcome. I plan to get my fat ass in shape and live a healthier life style.

I plan to continue reading and writing.

I still want to do something risky over the course of this year so we will see.

I'm excited to what this fresh start will bring and I'm determined to do whatever I can to make it a positive one and live a happy life.

Oh and I want to enjoy my last days of break.


I plan to make all of this possible. I will accomplish these things.

Stone of Tears

I'm loving my winter break simply because I get to read a lot. I'm currently reading three books. Fifty Shades of Grey, The Casual Vacancy, and Stone of Tears. Fifty Shades I plan to write it's own little post whenever I finish it, so there will be more on that later. Same with The Casual Vacancy. But Stone of Tears I have read before, and am rereading it. Why? Because the books I bought at Barnes and Noble with my gift card were the rest of the series that SoT belongs to.

Stone of Tears is the second book in the Sword of Truth series. They are like the best fantasy series I have ever read and I really really recommend them to anyone.

So here is a somewhat review of it.

After the events of the first book, which is called Wizard's First Rule, the main characters Richard and Kalhan, who are in love think the battle is won and finally over. With plans to marry they soon realize that won't happen. The events of the first  book led to what is called the veil( a sort of wall) to the underworld to break. And the Keeper, (which would kind of be the equivalent of the Devil) is plotting to be released from the depths of the underworld. Richard realizes he is a wizard and wizards suffer from horrible headaches that will eventually kill them. So when three women who call themselves Sisters of the Light, who are like bad ass nuns who yield magic and train wizards to control  their gift appear they want to take Richard with them. The catch he has to be separated from Kahlan for an indefinite amount of time, he has to wear a collar that will have the Sisters controlling him and bringing him horrible pain (read the first book as to why this is a million times worse than it sounds) and soon Richard and Kahlan are separated.

The veil is breaking. Evil is loose. Richard has to be trained and he soon finds that within the Sisters of the Light who worship the Creator(who would be like God) there are Sisters of the Dark (who worship the Keeper), they are plotting something evil.

There is so much more to this story and this lame summary of it will never do it justice. So just do yourself a favor and read the series. It really is soo much cooler than it sounds!

The University-Pilot Clip #2

"Class of 2012. Everyone, we made it. We are graduating today."

Everyone cheered and yelled.

 "Now, I want you all to stop cheering, and just close your eyes. Think about it for a minute. What this actually means. We are graduating. No more high school. Every single tear, laugh, frustration, drama, tests, classes and more, all that brought us to this moment. These past four years have been amazing with all of you. When times were tough we all came together as a family, and although we are graduating today we will never stop being a family. We will go our separate ways, but just know that we will always have each other and our memories.

 Love your friends for making it this far with you, forgive your enemies for making you who you are now, and respect your parents and teachers for having the guts to pushing you towards this moment. Soon we will leave here and go to our respective families. We will have dinners and parties. Some of us will go to the Safe N' Sober, some of us will get drunk and party, admit it those of you that look the most shocked. And we will go on trips and concerts and we will have a kick ass summer!"

 More cheers.

 "And then we will go off into whatever our next step is. For a lot of us it will be college. And if there's something that high school has taught us is that we have to be ready for whatever comes our way. And I know we will. But for now. Stop thinking about all that, and graduates I bring you back to this very moment, most of you I bet don't even feel like you're graduating. But we are. And we will. So for now forget the past, forget the future. And just live this special moment. Right now. We are and always will be class of 2012!! So without further ado graduates please turn your tassels!"

Robert and Nicole smiled big at each other as they turned their tassels and tossed them in the air. They had graduated.

End of clip!

Meatloaf and Mimosas

Jan, 12

If there's one thing about me it's that I love it is food and eating said food. And let it be known that I am Mexican and my family is Mexican. And I'm a hard core gangsta' Mexican! Jk. Obviously I'm not otherwise I wouldn't be here writing in a blog. I'd be busting caps all over the wonderful city of Reno...Anyways I'm getting off topic here.

So I had never tried meatloaf before. So for a couple weeks now my dad had wanted to make meatloaf because I had asked him about it. And the only reason I asked about it was because I had been watching The Amazing Spiderman (the new movie) and in it there's a jab at Aunt May's meatloaf. So I was curious.

So Saturday when we went out we bought everything to make the meatloaf. And we watched a video online and read the instruction from a little booklet. We were set. Between my mom, dad and I (and I suppose my sister, although all she did was set the table) we accomplished our goal and made meatloaf!

And my dad had gotten a recipe for some type of potato salad. And we made that as well. It has potatoes, beets, mayo and a teaspoon of salt and pepper. And you are all set! It was fast and easy to make and it was actually really really good. My favorite potato salad that's for sure.

And the meatloaf was great! I loved it. It was a nice family dinner. And it was delish. We plan to make other type of meatloaves and we will get to them.

Another first for the year and for me in general was mimosas. We made some to go along with our dinner. My dad had gotten some champagne as a Christmas gift from one of his friend so we mixed it with the orange juice and I downed that sucker.

All and all it was a pretty great dinner. And I'm happy that I'm 18 and I can still enjoy these special moments with my parents and little sister.

Winter Cleaning

I don't exactly like to clean. But I hate even more to see something dirty, so I'll clean it. But what I really love is the feeling that I accomplished something and I helped out. So today I cleaned a lot. I was home alone and bored and I figured why not? I cleaned the kitchen, dining room, living room bathroom and even a little in the rooms and outside.

Now, I truly believe that things should be equal between a couple, so when I'm married or have a girlfriend I want to be the type of guy that can actually be useful and knows how to cook and clean. I want to split the work evenly. I don't think that women belong in the house (unless they want to), and I think guys should help out as much as they can.

I hate that some guys are useless and don't know how to do anything. And I refuse to be one of those misogynist idiotic pigs. So while I'm young I'll have my mom teach me how to cook many different things, and I will always help out with the cleaning.

And today I finished cleaning and I feel really accomplished. I did something today and it wasn't a total waste of time. Now I can sit back, relax and chill. It's snowing outside and I totally feel like curling up in the couch with a good book. Ahh and it'll be even better because I worked hard and now I can get some well deserved rest.

For the record this isn't a picture of my house. It's just a random one off the internet. But man does it look clean.

Violin

The boy picked up the instrument out of the case. It was a bright wooden color. The instrument was beautiful. He plucked the strings and felt giddy. This little instrument could make music. He could play it and learn some of the greatest songs ever.

Music made everything so much better. If you stripped the music from the greatest movie scenes what did you have? Surely a less than epic scene.

The boy grabbed the bow and played a note. He smiled big and bright. And from then on the violin became a part of his life. He played it all through middle school and high school. For 7 years he was a musician. For 7 years he learned to play songs from the theme from Titanic, the Pirates of the Caribbean, A Whole New World, Colors of the Wind, Eine Kleine, Canon in D, and many many more.

For the holidays he played classics like Rudolph, Santa Claus is Comin' to town and more.

When he was overwhelmed he could turn to his violin and let it all out. He could play and create music suddenly releasing all his problems and making them go away, at least for a while.

When he was sad he could play a totally slow and sad version of Ode to Joy that brought tears to his eyes (oh the irony).

The violin was a safe haven for him. The violin was like his friend. Something that made him feel like he could accomplish anything.

But when college started he knew it was time to say goodbye to that part of his life. He couldn't continue on with it. And so he gave his violin to his little sister. So she could begin that part of her life.

Some people pass a torch. He passed a violin. And on random days when she brought it home (such as today), he could hold it again and play it once more. And he knew that it was never truly goodbye. It was just a "see you later" to his violin.

The Universe...ity- Pilot

1. Pilot
Robert and Nicole; two teens graduating from high school contemplate on the past as they get ready to face the future and the prospect of college.

As promised this is a small scene from the pilot.



"It's been a long day." Robert commented and Nicole turned to look at him. They were sitting on the roof of Nicole's house.

"Yes it has, I can't believe we graduated. And in two weeks we have Freshman Orientation. We are going to go to college Robert!"

"Yeah it's crazy. How many times did we picture this moment? And now it's here. We're living it."

"Yeah."  Nicole whispered as she looked up at the sky. It was almost sunrise. Their Safe N' Sober had ended at 4 in the morning and they'd been up there ever since. The sun would rise in a couple of minutes. It was chilly and beautiful.

"What are you thinking about?" Robert asked. Now was his chance. He could finally tell Nicole how he had fallen in love with her. He could tell her everything. And he would. He wouldn't let anything stop him. In the past he had, but no more, that was high school Robert. It was time for a new Robert.

"I'm thinking about how things will change now. Everyone has always told me that high school was nothing. College years would be the best of my life. And I'm ready to embrace that ya know?"

"Uh-huh." Robert answered.

"I want to have a fresh start once school starts. Of course with you by my side. But I want to fall in love in college, no more immature high school boys. I want to be swept off my feet and do risky things. I want to make even more friends. I want to learn. And I don't want anything to hold me back and drag me down and make me feel like I won't be able to escape high school. For the longest time I felt like I wouldn't make it out of high school. But I did. I made it. I graduated. I'm here." Nicole said and her eyes seemed to shine with hope.

"You're right." Robert answered and looked down at his hands. "You can't let anything or anyone hold you back." he answered and he felt as if his chance for happiness had been stolen.

"I'm sure college will be good to us." Nicole answered and smiled as she took Robert's hand and they both looked out as the sun rose.

Pretty Little Post

Jan 8th.

Today premiered the first episode of the second half of the third season of Pretty Little Liars. And that is another show that I really enjoy.

Way back in 2010 when it was going to come out I had seen the promos for it. What caught my eye at first was the girls. They were really really attractive. And from the promos it seemed like there was a ghost involved. So I thought hmmm hot girls and a ghost I can dig it. Of course there isn't a ghost.

The premise of it is after the disappearance of the queen bee of a group of girls the girls drift. A year later they begin getting messages from an A with their deepest darkest secrets. This A was thought to be the queen bee. That is until her body turns up in the pilot of the show. And so they go in search of who this sinister A is. After it's just text messages, and later it turns to notes, letters, and more. What first seems like just a school bully soon turns into something serious. Someone killed Alison, their queen bee. And someone, whoever is A means business, running over people with cars, lying, revealing secrets, keeping secrets, threatening the girls and their loved ones and being most likely a murderer as well A is seriously messed up.

And I find this fascinating. The girls fight to keep their loved ones safe, to keep their secrets hidden, to solve their friend's murder, and unmask A.

It's got secrets, lies, betrayals, high school, real world problems such as parents divorcing, foster homes, coming out of the closet, teacher/student relationships among other things.

It's quite the intense show. And I'm gonna continue watching these hotties go through hell at the hands of A.

The Universe...ity

So for a long time I've had this idea. I'm not really sure what I'll do with it. But it started out with it being an idea for a tv show. I really like it. So I want to eventually write it all out and it would either be a tv show or a story. I have the main ideas planned out as well as the first three seasons. Each season would consist of 12 episodes.

It's titled The Universe...ity. It'd be about a group of people starting college and their ordeals with it all. It'd have it all action, drama, humor, and every day problems that occur to college students. They attend a university called The Universe. Hence it being The Universe...ity. The first season's episodes are titled as follows:

1. Pilot
2. Orientation
3. Universe...ity
4. The Game
5. Homesick
6. AfterMath
7. Mean Girls
8. Clubs
9. Thanksgiving
10. First Date
11. Studying
12. Final(e)s

The Pilot would begin with High School graduations, because I feel like any story about College to be told from the beginning has to be told from the end of High School. After all that's what leads to College. The pilot would center around two best friends graduating, Robert and Nicole. They've been best friends since Kindergarten. The episode would focus on their graduation as well as their Safe N' Sober and include flashbacks to important dates in their high school life. The official synopsis of the episode is: "Robert and Nicole, two teens graduating contemplate on the past as they get ready to face the future."

I felt like it would  make sense to just start with them and in the second episode introduce the rest of the cast, as it would be for normal college students to meet new people once they start college. On some other day I will post an excerpt from this certain episode.

Month

It's been a month.
A month that I haven't seen your face...
Heard your laugh...
Felt your hugs...

A month that you haven't been waiting for us in your usual seat.

A month that we haven't taken you out to eat.

A month since my jokes haven't made you laugh.

You're gone. You've been gone.

For a month.

But you're not gone. I know you aren't. It's been a month

since I've looked up to the sky and noticed it shine slightly brighter.

A month of a random moments of peace. A month where I look around and you're gone.

Yet you're still around.

A month of missing you. And I'm afraid that there will be many more months...and eventually years. Whether it's a day, a week, a month, a year. I will always miss you. Until we see each other again.

I love you Grandpa.

(This post is for Jan 6th.)

Family Day

This post is for Jan 5th.

Every once in a while my family as in my parents, sister and I go out as a family. We'll wake up early, get ready and go off to do errands, after the errands we'll go to stores to shop or at the very least to buy groceries. Then we usually go out to eat somewhere. And finally we'll either go home, finish up whatever we had to do or go and rent a movie. Yes we still use Blockbuster. We are loyal customers, bastards still didn't hire me...anyway.

So Saturday I woke up from a weird dream. My senior year in HS I did a sport for the first time. It wasn't anything intense like football or baseball. It was Tennis, and it was intense in my opinion. But I loved it. And I miss it and will never regret it. So my dream was me playing tennis. With people from my team and other random friends that don't even play Tennis. I woke up with a smile. It was a good dream, and I woke up missing it.

Anyways so I continued with my day. My family and I went out and went to go and order my mom's glasses and contacts. Since I still have contacts left and I just recently got glasses I didn't need any of that. We went to do other errands and went and got my sister an iPad case and my mom a case for her tablet. Santa was generous to them this past year. Later my sister and I ended up at Barnes and Noble where we spent over an hour just chillin' like villains. I was in Heaven. And I used my 50 dollar gift card. I have officially completed buying all the books in the Sword of Truth Series. I own all 12 books baby. I had six previously, and bought the other six.

Later on the fam dam and I went to eat Awful Awful's downtown and it was amazing. Huge burgers and half a pound of fries. Needless to say I didn't eat till the next day.

My day was alright. I was happy with my books, we got groceries, so the fridge was full, I had books, my sister had her iPad case and my mom her tablet case. My dad got new shoes. It was an all around good day. And I am 18 years old and proud to say that I still love hanging out with my family.

That doesn't mean they don't annoy me sometimes.

T's Anatomy

This post is for Jan 4th.

What did I do on this fine day? I spent the day watching Grey's Anatomy. I really do enjoy this show. The cases presented are interesting, there's some action and drama. It can be quite hilarious at times while heart wrenching other times. And I have a teeny weensy crush on the actress that plays Meredith. She's amazing. It's a show I do recommend to others.

As I think I mentioned I bought the first three seasons and once I'm done with them I plan to buy the other subsequent seasons. So I guess for this I'll just talk about some of my fave episodes so far. It is in no particular order. But these are episodes that I've really enjoyed...so far.

1. Episode 1, Season 1, "A Hard Day's Night

This is the pilot. This I felt did it's job in hooking me into the show, although not the first episode I watched from the series it is easy to see how it could hook anyone. It starts with the five main characters, the interns and the it's their first day of the job. 48 hour shift as their first day. It's got funny moments and showcases the different personalities each of the interns have. As well as a great performance done by "The Nazi" aka Dr. Bailey. She is simply great.

2. Episode 9, Season 1, "Who's Zoomin' Who", this was the season finale. And although it's not the greatest season finale this show or any show could have it I think did a great job of transitioning from the first season to the second season. One of the main characters, George he gets an STD from sleeping with a nurse and this is handled with lots of comedy as there is an outbreak of STD in the hospital. And at the very end Meredith's love interest Derek Shepard is revealed to be married. Dun dun dun. This changes everything.

General Note: I really enjoyed Season 2 even more. Why? Like I said the season 1 finale did a great job of transitioning. While season 1 was only 9 episodes and included a lot of drama and such it also focused more on how each of these characters are affected by their job. Season provides much more insight on who each of these people are. While still having their jobs and the cases and patients as a big part of it all.

3. Episode 3, Season 2, "Make Me Lose Control", this episode had tons of drama such as Meredith's secret concering her mother being revealed. As well as Yang's secret. It was all handled greatly and balanced amazingly making it an entertaining watch.

4. Episodes 16 and 17, Season 2, "It's the End of the World" and "As We Know It", these two were really like a part one and part two kind of thing. There was tons of emotion and drama and action involved that can be summed in one sentence. There is a bomb in the hospital. Of course there is a lot more to this and other storylines and I love how they all merge and become part of the larger picture. And spoiler alert, the bomb does go off.

5. Episode 27, Season 2, "Losing My Religion", this was one of those heartbreaking episodes. Which makes me love it a hundred times more. The Chief of Surgery's niece is a patient in the hospital and wants a Prom, so a Prom is held at the hospital while one of the intern's love interests (who is another patient) is dying. And Meredith has to make a choice. The ending was horribly sad. And definitely made me want to watch the next season. And Katherine Heigl did an amazing job. I was ready to cry with her.

Needless to say I do love this show. Now time to watch something manly like Football or A 1000 Ways To Die.

Keeping In Touch

We are in the year 2013. And we are surrounded by smart phones, tablets, laptops, computers, smart TVs, phones, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the unspeakable (Myspace) and a ton of other things. So why is it so hard for people to stay in touch with someone? Or is it just me?

Over the years I've learned to stop trying to fight it if I drift away from someone, or if they drift away. I generally now only try to stay in touch with people that are worth it. But some days I find it so hard to pick up the phone and call or text them. Or log on to facebook and hit send on that message. Why is it so hard? Part of me thinks "well if they aren't doing it, why should you have to", and that part of me has a point. But what if that person is thinking the same exact thoughts as myself? I don't know. But its something that always bugs me. Why is it so hard to stay in touch?

This will boggle me for a long time. Maybe one day I will find an answer. In the mean time I'm just happy I'm still in contact with the people that truly matter. There are a couple others that I'd like to talk to more often, so to solve my problem I will send them a text or a message or something.

So at the end of the day I can say that I tried.

Winter Break

What have I been up to? So this is kind of a recap post. Well I've been working.

Now now relax it's only a seasonal job and it's already over. Long story my parents know the owner of the business where I worked. And well now my wallet is full of dinero! Yay. But I don't even want to think of when it's gonna be empty -_-

Anyways.

I got the first three seasons of Grey's Anatomy for Christmas and I got some books and a gift card to Barnes and Nobles. So I plan to get more books. So that means I've been watching GA and reading. I haven't written much though. I want to change that. And I will tonight.

I've kind of hung out with friends. Not really only sorta.

I've bonded a lot with my parents and sister and even though I'm 18 I still enjoy spending time with them.

Not much else has been going on. I had a bittersweet Christmas and New Years. The first year without my grandpa. But I know he's was there with me. And I still have tons of other family I love and I spent it with.

I also had tamales. Yum. Be jealous.

Anyways, I just want to enjoy my break and have fun whether its going out with friends, watching a movie with the family, curling up with a book, typing away on my laptop or whatever.

I'll keep you all posted for sure. Oh and it was snowing for a couple of days so the city is filled with snow. Of course it has melted a lot. But some is still around.

2013

First and foremost, this post was meant for yesterday. I already sucked at one of my resolutions. I'll get to that in a bit.

So it's a new year. 2013. And I'm so glad for a new year. I want further change. I want things to get better. This will be a fresh start. I had planned on writing more posts for 2012. But then I just realized how fitting "The Last Days" was. It was a great ending to the year. So now for my resolutions. I'll take this from one of my best friends and create 13 resolutions. I actually do like the number 13, and with it being 2013 it is very fitting. So here goes.

1. Write more in my blog. A lot more. Like at least one post per day. And I want them to be diverse, not the usual style that I've been writing. I want different ones. (Again inspired by my friend mentioned above). So like maybe one day it's a poem, another a letter, another a journal entry, a story, and so on. I really want to get creative this year.

2. I don't want to lose myself. For so long I thought of myself as a writer and a reader and then my first semester of college happened and for a while it seemed to slip. I don't want it to. I am a reader and a writer. On top of what ever else I may be.

3. I want to be a better son, brother, grandson, friend and overall person. Whatever this may entitle.

4. I want good grades. I need them. Nuff said.

5. I want to do more school activities and go to more events.

6. Get more Financial Aid, I kinda need it.

7. I want to be happy.

8. I want to make more friends.

9. I will appreciate my family more.

10. I want to do at least one thing risky this year. Something that is not characteristically me.

11. Go see all the movies in the movie theaters that interest me rather than waiting for them to come out on DVD.

12. Finish 50 Shades of Grey that my friend got me... yeaaah. It started out as a joke and me trash talking it for selling more than Harry Potter. And it ended with her buying it as a Christmas present. I want to finish reading it so I can actually criticize it and know what I'm talking about. We'll see how that goes.

13. If ever throughout this whole new year something happens and it has me fall down, I want and will get back up. Life won't bring me down!

And there you have it. Oh and #1 also entitles writing more in general.

This year was the first year I actually didn't even make it to midnight. I fell asleep at 11:30. Was I mad at myself? Yes. Especially since I woke up at 12:30! Half an hour too late! Shake my head at myself.

2013. I'm excited to see what it will bring. Bring it on!