Times Flies Okay!?

Times flies. And anyone who argues with me gets a death glare from me. -__-

I swear didn't I just blog about starting spring semester a few weeks ago? And yes it was. But Jan-Feb-and March just seemed to mold together to one big, quick month. What happened?

Let's take a look back at everything that's happened.

Jan-

Started second semester.
Made zero new friends.
No girlfriend.
Grades are good.
Sister's birthday.

Feb-
14 Days of Love.
Started writing One For All.

March-
Spring Break!
Hung out with friends.
Watched movies.
Continued writing.
Grades are good.
Nothing else!

So nothing too huge has happened. Oh and Lent came and went. And it's Easter today.

Now I have to get my shit together and keep my grades up to prepare for Finals.

It's almost summer. Wow. I don't know about you people but sometimes I don't like just how fast everything happens. I like taking things nice and slow. Unless it's testing, that can speed like hell for all I care.

And I can't believe I forgot! But before summer, I do have something major coming up. My birthday :o

Whatever. Hahaha. Just kidding. I won't even be in school it'll already technically be summer. So I'm probably gonna curl up in some Hobbit hole.

It's crazy that I'm almost done with my Freshman year in college. A year ago I was stressing over the end of HS. And now that's all behind me. It makes me sad that things speed by. A few months turn into a year and then a few years. And suddenly life has changed, everything is different. I just hope it'll all be good different. I don't mind change, but I do miss the way things used to be. Oh well.

So I guess my final concluding thought would be to just enjoy what time we do have and make the best of it.

Classical

I love music. Of all kinds. Except rap and heavy metal. Leave me alone. But I gotta say the old soul in me is madly in love with classical music. One of the reasons why I wanted to play violin and stuck with it for years. I love classical music.

I love listening to the lyrics in songs, and especially feeling them when they relate. But classical music, it has no need for lyrics. No words are spoken and even though the words aren't spoken, words are heard. At least to me they are.

Classical music is wonderful, powerful and magical. I have no doubts about this. There's something about it that makes me grin like an idiot, or weep like an old sap. I love how it can make us feel strong emotions without needing the words there. Because we create the words, we morph the song into our own. Classical music becomes something personal to us all because it becomes our song. It becomes everyones' song.

The years may pass, trends may come and go, my likes and dislikes shift, but classical music is always there, it's always the same simply because it's always different. That's confusing I know, but hear me out. Because of the fact that it morphs into our songs it becomes what we may need, what we may want.

The music can bring joy and memories, or it can help ease the sorrow we feel inside. We can relate to it.

Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven is one of my favorites. It's dark and moody and full of sorrow, and hope, and it has at times in my life made me cry. But I love it all the same.

I love happy songs as well like Fur Elise, but if you know me, you know I dig the dark and depressing. Call me a masochist. But I do.

I'm currently listening to one, called Torment of the Soul by Larry Groupe. I suggest you Youtube this. I thank my friend for using it in one of her trailers she made because she introduced me to it. It's a dark and beautiful song. There are no words to describe how amazing it is.

Listen to it. Listen to classical music! I think people don't appreciate it as much as they should. But I'm content in knowing that I do appreciate it.

Ladies

Yesterday's post was dedicated to the crushes I've had through the years. Today's post is for the ladies who haven't been crushes but I love them, and they've changed my life.

For most of them, this will probably be the only time I call them ladies as I tend to call them other words. ;)

So a post about ladies, I couldn't not mention my mom.

She gave birth to me, and I love her. To me she's the most beautiful  person in the world. She's always shown me to work hard, and have compassion towards everyone else, while still putting on a smile and making other laugh no matter how she may feel. I won't get to deep into her, because there's always Mother's Day to talk about her. But I love her, and I don't know what I'd do without her.

My little sister, one of the only people that annoys the hell out of me and yet I love her more and more each day. She argues with me all of the time and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My grandmas. One of them I still have, the other I never met. But I love them both just the same.

My dogs Nala and Lola. They're like my daughters/sisters. It's weird. But they really make my days some days. Yes I consider them ladies as well. Bite me.

Now the other ladies.

O.S. Mmm. What can I say about her? She's one of my best friends. I've known her for 13 years and I hope and plan that it will be many more. She claims that I threw sand at her in first grade and that that is her first memory of me. I say that's BS because I would never do that! But I do however remember the first time we interacted way back in first grade. My first memory of her. Of course her hoe ass doesn't remember it, so none of us will ever know which one of us was right. But between you and me? I was, and am right. And always will be, anyways. She was new to our school, and she was in my first grade class. We went on a field trip to a nearby park, and we were playing Duck, Duck, Goose on the grass. When it was my turn the teacher pulled me aside and told me to choose the "new girl." So I chose her and she was the goose. I don't remember what happened after that. But I have memories of her all throughout the years. She's amazing, and we're always talking. And whoever dates her I feel sorry for them because 1, she's tough, and 2, I won't let them get between her and me. We talk every day all day. So they'll have to deal with it. I love her.

K.P. This girl. This lady. I met in her in 7th grade and I actually do remember when I tried to talk to her, and more importantly why I talked to her. It's kind of funny. We were in second period history. She had long hair. And glasses and she always had a book, and was always reading. And I admired that because I loved reading. So one day in history class I was sitting next to her and I noticed that she had the last Series of Unfortunate Events. How jealous was I? Extremely. I suck at making friends so I really remember how nervous I was, and scared to talk to her. I wanted to ask her about the book. I wanted to know! And in my mind I was already imagining us being friends and eventually her letting me borrow the book. I don't remember the exact words of our convo but it was something along the lines of me saying something like "is that the last book in the series (as if I didn't already know), and her slowly looking up from reading it, and giving me the scariest look ever. And saying "yup," and that was it. I was done for the day trying to make friends. But the greatest thing is we did become friends, we went on to have classes together through the years. And we were there for all our changes and phases. And I've watched her truly find herself. And I only wish her the best. She's one of my best friends. And that will not change, I'll make sure of it. I don't like any of the guys she shows interest in simply because I feel like they don't deserve her. She's incredible and she only deserves the very best. I love her.

A.L. This one was actually an extremely weird way of becoming friends with her. She was best childhood friends with one of my friends. And one day this friends texted me using A.L.'s phone. Unfortunately that day I hadn't felt like talking to anyone so I had actually given my phone to my parents. So all day I was phoneless. So in the afternoon when they returned it and said someone had texted me. I checked and it was my friend. I knew she probably had already left, but something possessed me to reply anyways. A.L. replied not my friend. And we started talking. And talked. And talked. And found out we had so much in common. And we became best friends. And later on we went to find out she lived like a block away from my grandma. And her grandma lived on the same street as her. And her older sister had been best friends with one of my cousins. And her mom worked at the hospital where we had spent a lot of time because of my grandpa. It was like our lives were destined to be connected. And I'm glad I sent that text that changed everything.

A.M.W. I call this girl by her middle name or when I'm feeling different by her first name. I met her in elementary school where she told everyone to call her by her middle name. In middle school and HS she told everyone to call her by her first name. Hence why I call her both. She's loud and obnoxious and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's always there when I need a shoulder to lean on, and I remember calling her piggy eyes in elementary school, because well she had piggy eyes. She's be a constant factor in my life that never changed and I really hope it never does. And despite the fact that she says she doesn't believe in love, I hope she does fall in love with someone who falls in love with her.

M.D. My favorite red head. Aside from the Weasley Family, duh. I met her in HS. She was the girl with the great taste in music. The girl who we had a three way call between us and another friend till late or actually early like three in the morning. Of course some of those times I actually fell asleep on them. For my birthday she made me a CD once. Who does that?! This girl does! It's the only CD anyone has ever made me and I treasure it, and keep it safe and it's one of my favorite because it took work and dedication and I felt like she actually poured her soul into that. And I appreciate that. Because to me it meant she cared about our friendship and I know she does. She's one of my close friends and I always love our conversations, even if she is a Negative Nancy. :p

I feel like I've forgotten some, but truth is I could probably write for a long time on which ladies changed my life, who, why and how.

But the ones mentioned above are the ones I don't want to live without. They've helped me when I'm down and helped me fly when I'm up. I love them all. Wish them the best and hope their men realize that they'll have to deal with me. Forever and ever *bursts into song*

You've Been Crushed On!

My friend came up with this as one of her posts and suggested I do my own version of it. So why not? Of course I'll try to put my own spin on it but here it is.

Past crushes. Girls I've crushed on. Oh boy.

E.L. I still remember my first crush ever. Way back in second grade. I remember the exact time period in our lives when I started liking her. We've known each other since kindergarten. We became friends. And in second grade she got the chicken pox. And everyone kept a distance from her and I remember that it hurt her feelings, but not me, for some reason that moment when people kept away from her, I wanted to be near her. I developed a crush in that moment. Now we're just pretty good friends and I love that girl. She's hilarious. And I wish her the best!

I would spend a long time thinking said girl ^^ was the best one out there, and so I didn't actually have another crush till middle school.

W.DR. She was silly, and loud and funny and exciting and different from me in middle school. She was pretty. We had some classes together. Unfortunately at the time she was also very immature so when I wrote her a letter, it was kind of a disaster. But years later we became extremely close in HS. Now we're just good friends and I wish we'd talk more. She's still silly, loud and exciting.

C.K. My first unofficial/official girlfriend? In 7th grade. Again, I still remember the first moment I fell for her. 4th period of Life Science. She had been crushing on some jerk and we had slowly become friends. And that day she came in with tears in her eyes. We watched a film in class, and she started silently crying. We sat in a group so she sat right in front of me. I saw her cry and it pulled my heart strings. I sent her a note, and I fell hard for her she had braces, glasses, and she claims "frizzy hair", but honestly I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Years later she went on to lose the braces, and glasses and her hair is even more fabulous. She's still beautiful and a great friend. Funny enough in 7th grade when we started crushing on each other we had a close mutual friend and like some movie we ended up telling said close friend the same day that we liked one another. Said mutual friend took it upon herself to tell her that I liked her and tell me that she liked me. We "went out", which consisted of cute little love notes. I almost wish I could say I kept them but I'm glad I didn't. They deserve to be in the past. No I'm not bitter, but we just became so much closer as friends. Although I admit it took me forever to get over her. We broke up like after two weeks of "going out." But I kept crushing on her way into 8th grade.

Which brings me to E.W. Ironically she had been one of CK's best friends but I had never met her, and it wasn't until we had two classes together back to back that we met and became friends. We had 3rd period math and 4th period leadership. And she sat in front of me in math and we sat next to each other in leadership. She was goofy and fun and we got along amazingly. We had many adventures such as making our own middle school musical where we were afraid of getting jumped if we went into East Hall, known as the ghetto hall in our school. But near the end of 8th she developed a crush on some guy and started going out with him and I pushed my feelings away...

HS! 9th grade which brings me to E.P. who actually shares the same first name different spelling with E.W. She was extremely flirty and touchy, I had no chance. I had never dealt with crushes like her. Either they didn't like me or they did but we never were "touchy,". She was. And she was short. So when we hugged I felt like we belonged. She was my first major heartbreak in HS as well. But I don't care because it helped me grow. Every heartbreak has made me stronger and I appreciate it.

J.B. Oh the ice queen. She was one of my best friends in my first two years of HS. And she was sweet, but when it came to feelings and liking people it was like liking a wall. I don't regret my crush on her because she is totally crushable. She's smart and beautiful. And she has a boyfriend now which means she's not a wall anymore round of applause! She's still a good friend of mine.

C.B. I kind of had a crush on you, and then when friends found out you liked me they went and told me and I was pushed against the wall and pressured to ask you out. I don't blame them or you, it was my fault for letting me be pressured. Unfortunately because I asked you out so soon I ended up not liking you as much as I should have, and I hate that. But hey no hard feelings between us and I appreciate that.

A. I don't even remember her last name. And she was so weird because she didn't even want to be known by her real name but rather by a different name Zoey. I say Zoey because I know no one would be able to find her out so I have no guilt in stating that her "name" was Zoey. We aren't even facebook friends, but man was she pretty. She had been hanging out with one of my friends who I'd gone up to talk to and she kind of just interrupted our conversation and introduced herself. I loved it. We dated for like a week, before I found out how she really just liked someone for like a day and then moved on. Then she literally moved to another school. El Oh El. So it's all good.

Near the end of sophomore year E.W. and I got really close again and became the best of friends. So she's resurfaced. Why because that summer things happened and changed. We would talk all day long and all night long. She had a boyfriend that I'd helped in getting them together. And I ended up hating myself for pushing her to date him, only to realize a couple of weeks later that I liked her. A lot. What I didn't realize was that she ended up liking me as well. One night when things were bad for her and she called me crying. And later when on to tell me that the only person she had wanted to talk to was me. And she went on to say "would you believe me if I told you I think I'm in love with you," I still have those words glued to my brain and mind. I told her I loved her as well. But unfortunately things happened and she changed and I changed and it never worked out and we never went out, and now we rarely talk, because of her current boyfriend who doesn't want her to have any friends. No, I'm not bitter, but I do hate the idea that we can't be as close as we used to because of her boyfriend.

C.R. This was senior year. Honestly, I'd seen you before like junior year and I thought you were pretty and I found out you were dating one of my friends. Not a close friend but still a friend. So whatever you did not enter my thoughts again until senior year. You were single and in one of my classes. And then one day on facebook I had a message from you. You invited me to go to JA with you. A really special dance kind of like  prom but for the whole school district. I said yes. And I had planned on asking you out after the dance. But several little birds told me that you wanted me to ask you out asap. So I did. I still remember our first date. Going to Slaughterhouse, the haunted house set up in our local mall. You despite saying you wouldn't be scared were and I held you. Then we had pizza and talked. And going to JA was unforgettable. And sometimes I regret that we didn't work out but I'm happy that we can still be good friends.

K.L. You came into my life near the end of senior year. You walked into my math class at the beginning of second semester. You were new, you were tall blonde and beautiful. And I figured I had absolutely no chance. But I tried to befriend you. And we hit it off! We began hanging out every day at lunch and once went to get frozen yogurt together on a Saturday. We became close friends and I regretted having to graduate cause I knew we would start to lose our close friendship. I'm glad we're still friends, and thank you for helping me actually be excited about going to school again.

S.P. You were the gorgeous girl that sat next to me in math last semester. I think you're beautiful. And I know we wouldn't work out cause you missed so much school. And yet claimed you wanted to go the medical school route. Sweetie, I think you're beautiful, and I had a small crush on you. But get it together. College shouldn't be all about partying.

This is probably my most scandalous post to date because any of these girls could read it and probably know I'm talking about them. Thankfully no one reads my blog.

All these ladies helped changed my life and whether it was for better or for worse I came out alive, and I'm happy for the time being. And hopefully it has all brought me closer to finding the right one.

Future girlfriend/wife, please love me for me, and I promise to do the same.

Now there are some girls that I didn't talk about because they weren't crushes but they're still extremely special to me, and I will talk about them in the near future. But they get their own post dedicated to them. :) So look for them tomorrow.

Over and Over Again

You ever get those songs where you go through a current period in time where you just listen to them over and over again? 

Yup, that's been me these past couple of weeks I don't know why when everyone else tires of listening to a song they listen to a lot, they begin to dislike it, or they just avoid listening to it. As I've mentioned before not me. I will listen to a single song for hours on end. 

Funny thing is, none of the songs are even recent new ones. They've been out for years. And I don't even know why I'm obsessed with them. Sometimes I obsess over a song, because I love the person's voice, the lyrics of it fit whatever I'm currently feeling, or they help me write. 

So anyways here are five completely irrelevant songs although I guess in their cores they relate. 

The first one is Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick. Let start off with I'm in love with her voice. Love it! I'd marry her just based on her voice. I can't get enough of it. Apparently the song is actually about an abortion? I'm not sure if this is true but I could see it. It's definitely about a love that went wrong, with lyrics like "can you help me unravel my latest mistake, I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season," it's pretty easy to see that. And the beginning of this song, which includes said quote is one of my favorite beginnings of a song. It evokes very strong emotions from me, and it's actually what helped me create a character for the current story I'm working on. For those of you following my story, this song will eventually be "sung" by Madison. And you'll see just how the song fits her. No it won't be her having an abortion. Listen to the song. One of my all time favorite lyrics from the song would be "2 AM and I'm still awake writing a song, if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to." This song is fricken poetic end of story. 

The next song is Look After You by The Fray. I love The Fray. That being said this song is no different. I also recently heard a cover done by someone else and wow what a voice. It's got some great and deep lyrics that are amazing. The beginning is one of my favorite parts of the song if not my favorite, "if I don't say this now, I will surely break as I'm leaving the one I want to take, forget the urgency but hurry up and wait, my heart started to separate." Wow, if you don't like that get out now -__- just kidding. But seriously. It sets the mood and tone of the song and I can't help but relate. Who hasn't ever wanted to confess something and felt that they'd die if they didn't get it out of them. And then talking about being separated from the one they love, well come on now, my heart isn't made of stone. It's a heartbreaking beautiful song in my opinion, and has helped me get in the mindset of what Owen (another character in my story) feels. 

Song number three would be She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. I love them, sue me. And I love Payphone but that's not the song I'm focusing on! So back to SWBL. I like the beat, it's very down to earth and mellow. This song every time I listen to it, I want to get up and sing at the top of my lungs, I'm currently listening to it, and I want to sing but I'm in the library and that'd be awkward and social suicide. Anyways, my favorite part of this song would be "I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain, look for the girl with the broken smile." This is the part that I fricken try to harmonize with when listening to it. And I love it because it helps me write and I can imagine a whole scene play out. Spoiler alert, this song will pop up in my story as well. Another favorite lyric is "I want to make you feel beautiful," in essence this is what I feel a relationship should be like and what the boyfriend should do for their loved one. When(if)ever I get a girlfriend, that will be my goal. 

And onto numero quatre (that's four). So Sick by Neyo. Come on, he's a great singer. This is a break up song. I guess. But I love the beginning of it, because it tells a story, and I can easily see this story. "Gotta change my answering machine now that I'm alone cause right now it says that we can't come to the phone and I know it makes no sense cause you walked out the door, but it's the only way I hear your voice anymore," this I can perfectly picture, feeling so strongly about someone even though it's all over. There's so many other parts to this song that I love, and I hope to be able to create character interactions that are as strong as the feelings present in this song for that other person. Oh and I'm so sick of love songs. No just kidding, I can't get enough of them. 

Ohh for the last one. My Life Would Suck Without You, by Kelly Clarkson. Some days I feel like I'm the only that still loves her, oh and my mom, but we don't speak of that. Moving on. This song has always been one of my favorites of hers. I have plenty of others worth a shout out like Because of You and Behind These Hazel Eyes and plenty of others. But this one. I can't get enough of. Maybe because although I'm not in love, I still have plenty of people that my life would simply suck without them. But it's still such a great song about that one person that you couldn't live without. I think this song will also pop up in my story at some point. Maybe, or just the essence of it. "Cause we belong together now yeah, forever united here somehow yeah, you got a piece of me, and honestly my life would suck without you," Amen sista Kelly amen. 

Warning: If you ever hear me sing any of these don't freak just simply join in. 

I guess I kind of figured out why I keep listening to these five songs. They get me in the zone for writing. Huh, I hadn't made the connection till writing this blog. Of course I have other songs that maybe I'll talk about that help me. Who knows. 

Essays

I have a love hate relationship with essays what can I say? I love writing some of them while absofrickenlutely hate writing others.

I hate when I have to write essays that are down to the point and straightforward. I like and try to put as much creativity in my essays as I can. It makes me feel accomplished and quite proud of myself.

Unfortunately, and I don't say this to brag, but every time we do peer reviews in class I'm always the one that gets the "oh I really liked it, good job not sure what you can change *lol*" -_- I know my essay can do with improvements but I rarely get ideas from my peers, so I'm forced to wait for the teacher's feedback or take it to someone who would actually care to critique it.

I love writing and throughout the past year I've become more open to people actually reading what I write. Although I'm not always comfortable knowing people will read some of the things that I write, for the most part I don't shy away from it anymore. Hell I have a blog. 'Nuff said right?

So I'm a horrible and terrible person. I put off my essays. And this week alone I had two essays due. Both of which I did the night before and finished like an hour before the classes I had to turn them in. I'll keep y'all updated on what I actually get on them....

But I just hate procrastinating on them, but at the same time I don't learn from my mistakes. And I never get bad grades on them, so I continue to do it. It's a cycle. Sue me.

It's Good To Be Back...Or Is It?

Dun, dun dun.

My day back wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I woke up, got ready and made myself a bombass sandwich. It was delish.

Because I took forever making myself a sandwich I forgot to eat breakfast. You may laugh at the irony. I got to school and bought a bagel in the library where they informed they only had regular cream cheese. Grr. I didn't let it get to me. I enjoyed my bagel. I went on with my day. My first class was ight.

My second class was cancelled. So I got to work on an essay due later today. Then I went to an advising session that annoyed me, pissed me off, depressed me and being the ever so masochist I was sort of excited. But whatever. Let's not dwell on the future for once. The session was supposed to be about discussing every single class I will ever take in my college career. It was horrible -__-

Anyways so I continued on my day. Saw some friends, talked with them, had fun. Finished my essay in time, and watched The Shining in my English Film class. It was all good fun.

It was just a regular day. And I'm happy with it.

Let's finish this semester out strong eh guys?

^^^^Not